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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a considerable amount of money

237 replies

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:20

And decided to divide it between my DCs without their knowledge.
AIBU?

I'm a single parent. 3 are uni / just finished & one at senior school. The plan is to put the money in trust equally between the 4 DC until they each turn 30.

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

Is this fair?

OP posts:
MyLovelyMuffin · 26/10/2023 22:21

Fair to whom?

IceCreamSundaeCat · 26/10/2023 22:22

Sounds fine to me

Redmat · 26/10/2023 22:23

Depends if you can afford to do this.

MorrisZapp · 26/10/2023 22:23

It's your money and entirely your decision what you do with it.

theduchessofspork · 26/10/2023 22:24

Do you have a pension sorted out?

If not that’s your priority, they have more time than you to make money, and they’ll get it eventually.

I get the feeling you can’t afford to do this so you are being unfair to yourself.

LuckOfTheDrawer · 26/10/2023 22:24

Are you sure you're adequately covered financially both now and in the future?

CagneyAndLazy · 26/10/2023 22:24

Up to you what you do with it, but why 30?

millymollymoomoo · 26/10/2023 22:24

Your choice surely

CheezePleeze · 26/10/2023 22:25

I don't understand the question.

Fair to who?

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 26/10/2023 22:26

I'd do it

JFT · 26/10/2023 22:27

If it's your money you can do what you like with it surely? I guess you're doing OK financially and are not in need of it? If you are in need then keep a chunk for yourself?

To whom would it be unfair to divide equally between your children?

When you say 'skip a generation', do you mean that your siblings would expect to have shares of this money? If so, I'd being going out of my mind if one of my siblings got all the money and didn't divvy it up equally and then furthermore gave it to their children. So that would be unfair IMO but would beg the question of if you inherited it from a parent, why didn't they divide it between siblings?

Also giving it to them when they're 30, I guess that's a sound age to inherit but at the same time, they might be wanting it 'now' and not 'later', as most youngsters would. Also when are you going to tell them they'll be getting it?

KyeeMaClune · 26/10/2023 22:27

I would make sure you are sorted financially first, so that would be, if possible, pay off the mortgage or keep enough to do that if you are locked into one with early repayment charges.

Look into your pension so that if you have to give up work due to ill health in a month's time you are not up shit creek with money sitting in trusts for your children.

That way what you currently spend on your mortgage can be put into a high interest savings account which you can then gift later on to your children.

DelurkingAJ · 26/10/2023 22:28

Would the trust permit them to use it ‘sensibly’ before 30? If so, sounds lovely. I inherited from DGP at DM’s request in my early 30s and it meant we could buy our first house.

cocksstrideintheevening · 26/10/2023 22:28

Fair to who?

Are you financially secure?

JFT · 26/10/2023 22:29

CheezePleeze · 26/10/2023 22:25

I don't understand the question.

Fair to who?

I'm sensing from the way this question is worded that there are other people who would have expected a share of this inheritance.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

OP posts:
Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:31

Sorry, also 'fair' because it was left to me & I've decided to pass it on to DCs.

OP posts:
JFT · 26/10/2023 22:32

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

Indeed they could feel annoyed to wait when they could avoid student loans or might use it immediately as a down payment for mortgage type of situations.

It's a tricky one. My guess is if you have an open discussion with them they'll want it now -but- if you don't, they'll feel potentially resentful in the future, knowing they could have had it sooner. No win situation.

TentChristmas · 26/10/2023 22:32

Are you renting/owning? If you don’t have a mortgage paid off, why wait for 10 years for your children to use it and buy a house outright now for you.

BHRK · 26/10/2023 22:32

What a lovely thing to do. 30 is a good age. Alternatively you could say it needs to be spent on buying a house, which will always give them a roof over their heads

Toddler101 · 26/10/2023 22:33

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

It's your money to do as you wish. Your DC don't know about it so they won't miss it. It'll be a nice bonus when they're old enough at whatever age you decide that to be.

Make sure you're sorted yourself financially first though, I would.

TentChristmas · 26/10/2023 22:33

And 30 is quite old to have this holding over them when they can buy a house or start a family earlier.

BIossomtoes · 26/10/2023 22:34

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:31

Sorry, also 'fair' because it was left to me & I've decided to pass it on to DCs.

What’s that got to do with fairness? It’s your money now, do what you like with it. I passed a sizeable amount of my inheritance to mine and never entertained it being unfair.

Bendysnap · 26/10/2023 22:35

Assuming you own your own home mortgage free and have around £1m of savings/pension/investments and no other debt - great idea.

otherwise manage the money yourself and make periodic gifts (as large as you can comfortably afford) and pay for house deposits etc. and of course ensure your will allocates your assets fairly.

my DH parents decided against letting him know how much family money he has when he was 30 and dh has said it was a good thing too. He would have totally taken his foot off the gas at work. He only appreciated the full extent of the family money when he was 40 which he thinks was better timing (and his parents control it, he has no direct access)

ilovesooty · 26/10/2023 22:38

Entirely your business what you do with your own money.