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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a considerable amount of money

237 replies

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:20

And decided to divide it between my DCs without their knowledge.
AIBU?

I'm a single parent. 3 are uni / just finished & one at senior school. The plan is to put the money in trust equally between the 4 DC until they each turn 30.

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

Is this fair?

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 27/10/2023 00:52

That sounds perfectly fair and usual.
I would seek advice from a financial advisor as to in what form the trust would be wisest to invest the money - property, shares, bank term deposits etc so as to preserve the value etc etc.
Thirty is a great age. It gives your children time to make their own success. I would make it age thirty for each child.. or all at once when the youngest is over twenty-five.

Tlittle · 27/10/2023 01:02

I think yabu. I think u should split it into five and have a fifth to treat your self. 30 is perfect.

Peachops · 27/10/2023 01:09

30 is a good age. Maybe discuss what they would like to do, if they had the money?

HerMammy · 27/10/2023 01:40

I'd wait and see how things pan out for them, then as things arise ie house purchase you can offer help, as a pp said you don't what path they might go down yet.

bronkie · 27/10/2023 01:43

Do you have a decent pension and not only reliant on the state pension?

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/10/2023 01:43

Don't do this wait. You never know what life has in store.

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 01:44

If I were your parent I'd want you to enjoy it. Wouldn't you like to travel or something?

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/10/2023 03:23

If you choose to do it, and that is a choice you must make and only you, I would consider what a very wise financial advisor once said to me. I should add the caveat that this was a friend, who wasnt giving me specific advice, just something he said.

He said that he had tried, and often failed, to try to get parents to understand that investing the same amount for (say) 4 kids of different ages wasnt actually always fair. That due to the nature of the market etc, investing 100k per kid would often end up with the youngest ending up with more when it matured than the eldest simply because their share of the money had longer to accrue interest. So the eldest could end up with 120, the next with 140, the next with 160 and the youngest with 180.

But often the parents would refuse to alter what they put in as "they all have to have the same" and he couldnt get through to them that what was given was the same but what they would get could be vastly different. He said that he saw massive arguments, contested wills, you name it on the back of "being fair".

I dont know why it has stuck with me, but it has! Never been in a situation where I have to use this advice as I am poor, but maybe it would help you. Get some proper, paid for, independent financial advice before you do this. Dont do what the bank or a solicitor or the internet says.

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/10/2023 03:27

"100k really isnt that much money"

And people still argue that MNers are in the real world.......fuck me.....

Toddlerteaplease · 27/10/2023 03:28

My sister and I inherited a substantial amount from our grandparents. It was in trust until we were 25. My mum felt that was too late as we would need the money for university. So she got the terms of the trust changed and we got it early. We were sensible and didn't waste it. Though the crash in 2001 affected it badly. It still paid my house deposit. I think I'd give it too them when they are in a position to buy property.

PupInAPram · 27/10/2023 04:15

Single parent of two adult children here. Had to claw my way back from financial ruin when DC were baby and toddler. I think what you intend to do is bloody great. I admire you.

KnickersOfDoom · 27/10/2023 04:23

Personally I’d buy a house under their names and sell it when the hit late 20s.

hellywelly3 · 27/10/2023 06:29

I think if it would massively improve your life now, secure housing, being able to pay bills etc, then use it now. The kids will benefit by not having to worry about you. If you’re set up ok then definitely pass on to the kids. I think 30 is quite late though. If it’s enough for a house/flat deposit for them then get them to do that x

Isthatarealname · 27/10/2023 06:40

I think 30 is a bit late also but that's probably because I was 23 and 27 when I had my children and I know £100k would have made a big difference to the home we lived in at that point. Could they access the funds earlier if you think they are at the appropriate age?

Lackinginspiration1 · 27/10/2023 06:57

why 30? The early years of low paid jobs can be the hardest. If you’re intending to make their lives easier then let each of them know they’ll get the money towards a house deposit only, and that the condition is that it must be securely ring fenced to protect it. My parents lent me the deposit for my house and I’ll be forever grateful for that step up at just 22, although I did repay it!

Nutellaonall · 27/10/2023 07:00

I think it’s a lovely thing to do but I would divide it by 5 and give yourself a share. You may be mortgage free but you deserve some.
I would also maybe not put an age on int but a date or so that the youngest ones don’t suffer from the cost of housing going up as others have pointed out.

Mindymomo · 27/10/2023 07:05

We inherited a house when my in laws passed away which we’ve sold and now have the money. We expected for my DH to keep working for a few years more, but unfortunately due to a heart attack and heart surgery, he had to retire early. In 3 years we have gone through £100,000. We have 2 adult sons who live at home and have told them we can help with a deposit for a property, but we have to live off this money for the rest of our lives, we have small personal pensions and DH now gets state pension.

MargotBamborough · 27/10/2023 07:07

Hi OP.

If you're confident that you're financially secure and will be able to support yourself in your old age then this is a great thing to do for your children.

If you are putting the money in trust then I would recommend making it until they are 30 but with the possibility to access the money earlier if the trustees agree. It would be a shame if they had to wait until then to access it if they otherwise might buy a house when they are 25, for example. And they might wish to use it for something other than buying a property but which is equally worthwhile, so it's important to be flexible.

When your kids get to the stage where they do want to use this money to buy a property, if they are buying with a partner and they are not married, they should get their deposit ringfenced in a deed of trust to make sure that their partner doesn't end up getting half of it if they split up and the property is sold.

You'll need a solicitor to help you with the trusts. Don't try to do it on your own.

One more thing to think about is inheritance tax. If the person who left you this money died in the last two years, you might be able to do a deed of variation which would have the effect of altering the original will, so in the eyes of the law it would be as if that person left the money to your children directly. It means that if you were to give this money to your children and die shortly afterwards it would never be considered part of your estate for inheritance tax purposes. This might be worth considering if your own assets are above the inheritance tax threshold. I'm not sure whether you can do this as well as putting the money in trust, but a solicitor will be able to advise you of your options here.

HaplessRhombus · 27/10/2023 07:08

I wouldn't put it in trust until they're 30, I'd just keep hold of it myself and gift it to them when they start looking to buy a house.

Laurama91 · 27/10/2023 07:15

My brother and I received a large sum of money just before I was 30. This was from a trust. We were supposed to get it at 35 but with the crisis we got it early as it was costing us nearly as much as we were making on it. We received a small amount at 18, my brother blew it, I used to on driving lessons and a car. This money I used to buy a house. I have no idea what my brother has done but I assume he's dipping into it.

So I guess the age depends on how mature your kids are.

Papillon23 · 27/10/2023 07:15

I think I wouldn't want to stop my children having a house deposit before the age of 30 if they wanted it?

I think I would keep it and dole it out as and when required.

WTLife · 27/10/2023 07:19

You can do whatever you want with your money. I'd just be sure that you are set up with a pension, able to cover living expenses well enough that if you can't work (say sickness) you are going to be fine. You could hold onto it and then they will eventually benefit. Pay of their student loans to give them a head start that way. Give them a house deposit when they are ready for it. That kind of thing.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2023 07:19

MsRosley · 26/10/2023 23:09

OP, look into the future, when you are old and possibly unwell. Make sure you leave yourself enough for decent care. Don't leave yourself vulnerable - you owe yourself that much.

Show quote history

This. I would think carefully before you do it.

Greygardenz · 27/10/2023 07:24

We had a similar situation when our kids were in their early twenties. We gave them all £50k of inherited money on the understanding that it was ring fenced for housing deposits. It got them on the property ladder early.

IWASfemaleatbirthamSTILLFEMALEalwaysbeFEMALEFFS · 27/10/2023 07:26

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:35

Yes, I own my own home.
No, I'm not trying to deprive assets.
I think it's taken a turn.

Unsure if you're aware and I'm coming from a good pace for yoy, that's the only reason for my message, deprivation of assets doesn't have a time limit. You can give gifts of a certain amount per annum. Using trust funds, even for your best intentions can cause huge issues further down the line. They are only to be used for certain reasons - so with almost half a million in the pot Id suggest you take some financial advice. Good luck, and whoever has the inheritance, hope they enjoy it.