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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a considerable amount of money

237 replies

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:20

And decided to divide it between my DCs without their knowledge.
AIBU?

I'm a single parent. 3 are uni / just finished & one at senior school. The plan is to put the money in trust equally between the 4 DC until they each turn 30.

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

Is this fair?

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 26/10/2023 23:10

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

One trust for all of them, or a trust each?

Because you actually can't tie up money from an adult over eighteen. Once they reach eighteen (or the youngest does if it's one trust) they can apply to have the trust dissolved and will be successful.

If you don't want them to have it til age thirty just keep it and gift to each of them when the get to that age.

VanGoghsDog · 26/10/2023 23:11

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 26/10/2023 23:06

I was under the impression you couldn't put it in a trust until they were 30 here ... it's theirs as soon as they hit 16?

18, but correct.

adriftinadenofvipers · 26/10/2023 23:11

I think you should take financial advice before you do anything.

In one scenario, you could have a child get married at 25 - marriage not working out, and ex going after a share of the money. Of course that could happen at any age, but I'd be cautious.

I have a 26 year old saving for a house deposit. If I had access to a large amount of money, I'd gift them the money now! Younger sibling self-funding a degree course abroad - I'd absolutely pay for that if I had that kind of money.

I think you could be limiting yourself. What if god forbid you had to take ill-health retirement and didn't have much of an income?

I think you would be better off keeping the money for now and investing it. Then just leave them their share in your will.

Wouldn't there be tax implications in handing over such a large sum all at once? Might be better to 'drip feed' it as and when they need it?

LadyLapsang · 26/10/2023 23:11

@itsalongwaybackfromsorry You can place money in trust. We have a trust for a relative’s children until age 25.

Whiskerson · 26/10/2023 23:12

I would keep it to use at your own discretion to help them get set up in life, according to their needs and circumstances.

There's also the principle of putting your own life jacket on first - i.e. it benefits the whole family if your own needs are covered, as you are then in a stronger position to help them as and when needed.

Ohwhatlarks · 26/10/2023 23:14

No I wouldn’t do this.
You may have no mortgage but you have not mentioned what savings and pension you have yourself.
You have no idea what’s round the corner for you. Just make sure you have a will drawn up.

VanGoghsDog · 26/10/2023 23:18

LadyLapsang · 26/10/2023 23:11

@itsalongwaybackfromsorry You can place money in trust. We have a trust for a relative’s children until age 25.

You can put it in trust, but they can have the trust dissolved once they are eighteen. Eighteen is adult - why do you think you should have control over money owned by another adult?

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:18

Yes, there's lots to think about.
The trusts would be off shore.
I don't need the money but oldest DC does have a life limiting illness.

OP posts:
wildwestpioneer · 26/10/2023 23:19

I'd take some time to let it all sink in and have a good think about it.

I'd also make sure I was financially stable and had a financial plan in place for when I wanted to retire. Only then would I start to think about trusts, putting money aside for them. You could potentially think about keeping an amount aside for them and giving it to them when appropriate, such as paying off student loans, driving lessons, deposit for houses or even setting up pensions for them.

I had a friend whose parent died and she had a trust which gave her a set amount when she was 18, 25 and then 30. The issue was she knew about it, so knew she didn't have to save or work through uni etc and basically pissed most of it away before even getting it, think running up credit card debts etc. She's now in her 40s and still renting as she can't afford to buy, which is sad as she had enough to buy a small house. I've often thought what I do if I was in a position to financially help my dc, and because of her I'd not tell them, install a work ethic and help them out after rather than them knowing about it

Gymnopedie · 26/10/2023 23:20

My back ground is I have been in financially abusive relationships

Then for goodness' sake do your very best not to get into another one. You would be very vulnerable to the right/wrong person.

Make an appontment with a reputable financial adviser - they have the knowledge to suggest all sorts of different ways you might approach the money.

Busgirl29 · 26/10/2023 23:21

if your kids are of quite different ages, the only thing I would caution is inflation or rising house prices devaluing the gift for the youngest. DP and his three siblings were beneficiary to a similar arrangement, the money was stipulated for buying property. The equal share of the trust didn't go nearly as far for the youngest sibling as it had for the eldest who was able to access their money some 8 years before.

porridgeisbae · 26/10/2023 23:22

You do you OP. Maybe don't leave it till 30 though as you never know what'll happen in this world.

You could keep it to pay for houses/house deposits for them, or uni for the younger one etc.

I don't need the money but oldest DC does have a life limiting illness.

There you go. I would start your plan, but maybe things like housing, uni etc. Perhaps you could do those things and then keep to your plan of 30+? Is this DC's life expectancy likely to be effected? As obviously his 30 is not like the average person's 30 then.

JFT · 26/10/2023 23:25

I used to work for a Consultant Actuary and his specialist area was trust funds and pension funds. That's the sort of person you'd need expert advice from but can't imagine how much it would cost.

Everydayiscake · 26/10/2023 23:25

If you’re sure you don’t need it then go for it. I would say 25 could be mature enough to buy a house etc. I would consider maybe slightly less if you need a decent pension etc for yourself? I would be wary of who they are buying homes with and protecting their inheritance. Maybe speak to a financial advisor about rules etc from your point of view.

Somanycats · 26/10/2023 23:26

So you yourself are in your 50s I'm guessing? Maybe in your 60s before all the DC get the money. Wouldn't this be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets?

Fortheloveofwatermelon · 26/10/2023 23:26

Just here to say congratulations and enjoy 😊

minipie · 26/10/2023 23:28

What are your reasons for tying it up in a trust now rather than keeping it, investing it and giving to DC later?

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 26/10/2023 23:30

I don’t understand why you have to give your inheritance to the children.

CagneyAndLazy · 26/10/2023 23:31

@Back2Black

The trusts would be offshore

Why's that?

Ktime · 26/10/2023 23:32

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

I don’t really get your reasoning.

Do you own a home?

How will you make the money work hard in the meantime?

Taiquando · 26/10/2023 23:33

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

Absolutely fair. By the time they’re 30, they’ll have had to work for their money, have learned how to budget and have used it wisely. You don’t say how much will be given, but it could be enough to attract people to them for the wrong reasons if they’re naive - sad but true.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:35

Yes, I own my own home.
No, I'm not trying to deprive assets.
I think it's taken a turn.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 26/10/2023 23:35

Somanycats · 26/10/2023 23:26

So you yourself are in your 50s I'm guessing? Maybe in your 60s before all the DC get the money. Wouldn't this be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets?

Deliberate deprivation of assets is only an issue where there is a reasonable expectation of needing care. Not everyone will need care, it's not even half of all people. And at sixty, statistically, you're still likely to not have any idea if you might need care.

Zzizzisnotzeproblem · 26/10/2023 23:35

It’s your turn @Back2Black

AdoraBell · 26/10/2023 23:38

Seems fair to me.