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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a considerable amount of money

237 replies

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:20

And decided to divide it between my DCs without their knowledge.
AIBU?

I'm a single parent. 3 are uni / just finished & one at senior school. The plan is to put the money in trust equally between the 4 DC until they each turn 30.

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

Is this fair?

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 26/10/2023 22:39

I'm not sure fair is the right question. Is it the right thing to do - then it sounds like it, although 25 vs 30 is a good discussion. I've put 25 in my will for DC, should anything happen to me on the basis that by then they will hopefully be beyond any student stupidity, but young enough it can truly help them out. Sitting there until 30 vs 25 wouldn't be my choice, but it's not "unfair".

Aquestioningmind · 26/10/2023 22:41

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:29

30 because I feel they will be nature enough to deal with it.
The question of 'fair' is because of student loans , cost of living at present.

Agreed. Thirty is a good age.

There was a thread yesterday and loads of people were boasting about how in their 20s they just partied and got drunk. By thirty most people are more mature and spend money reasonably.

I think it’s a lovely idea, OP. But only if you can afford it

DelightfullyDotty · 26/10/2023 22:44

You could consider getting some life insurance so that you can use the money you’ve inherited now. Not sure how old you are….if you’re under fifty it should be relatively easy to get.

boomtickhouse · 26/10/2023 22:46

Only if you are properly financially secure yourself. Otherwise the money is sat in trust when it should be working for you.

Do you have suitable house, pension, savings etc? Keeping the money doesn't stop you making gifts to your children but putting it into trust can't be reversed easily if it turns out you need the money.

MrsNK28 · 26/10/2023 22:47

Its depend how much. We are high earning household. Rather than put in a trust, i invested my money to properties. I got two sons. I prepared flats for each of them which i’ll give them later on maybe 25 or so. I still have to pay the mortgage for all my properties. I’m hoping when my son got stable job he can continue the mortgage.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:47

Thank you for your replies. I was questioning myself about 30years old for each of the DCs & how mature they would be to spend it wisely.
On their father's side, all his siblings were gifted large amounts of money & have little to show for it.
I don't have a mortgage, fortunately but have to think of the future for DCs.
The inheritance wasn't expected & would be £100k each for DCs.

OP posts:
Aquestioningmind · 26/10/2023 22:49

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:47

Thank you for your replies. I was questioning myself about 30years old for each of the DCs & how mature they would be to spend it wisely.
On their father's side, all his siblings were gifted large amounts of money & have little to show for it.
I don't have a mortgage, fortunately but have to think of the future for DCs.
The inheritance wasn't expected & would be £100k each for DCs.

In which case 30 is reasonable. £100K is easily wasted by young people - they get themselves a brand new Range Rover, a few holidays etc. Then suddenly there’s only £10K left.

Either do thirty or say it has to be a house deposit/similar :)

Daffodilsandtuplips · 26/10/2023 22:49

I don’t think it’s fair on you, I’d take some time to review my own financial situation, look at my pension, pay off any debts, including mortgage or buy a house if renting and then put some into a trust for the kids.

jugodenaranja · 26/10/2023 22:52

it depends if there was a special reason they particularly needed the money but I don’t think you should do this it could go towards something you as a family need, think about it first, don’t decide for a while ok?

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/10/2023 22:53

So you are mortgage free

Assume work /have money

As £400k is a lot to give away if could make your life easier

You could put £50k each into premium
Bonds tho think they could then remove /drain the account a in their name

Or put £75m away each leaving you with £100k

Tho I could do with £100/400k I get why giving to your children is a lovely thing to do

But don't leave yourself short

30 is a good age unless using to buy a house. I brought mine at 27

£100k as a deposit would be amazing

Sharpness19 · 26/10/2023 22:53

Is this some sort of thing to scam benefits? Then therefore you are U. If not … great.

Fahbeep · 26/10/2023 22:53

400k in total then? You'd be better to invest it in a buy to let property. You then have passive rental income to enjoy for you, and can leave the house to your children as inheritance. Or, when they are all past 30, you can sell it and give lifetime gifts. The point is you get the capital growth as well when prices go up in the meantime.

This is better for all of you than letting inflation erode its real value while it sits in trust

But take proper advice from an ifa!

DietsAreForTheWeak · 26/10/2023 22:54

ilovesooty · 26/10/2023 22:38

Entirely your business what you do with your own money.

This. Always this. And beware anyone who advises you otherwise or chastises you for this.

Lemons1571 · 26/10/2023 22:55

A couple of warnings - it is difficult to find an account to invest in until they are 30. Most banks now don’t offer bank accounts for will trusts or similar. Specialist accounts for trusts are complicated to set up and you need a minimum of two trustees.

Don’t discount legal fees - they have rocketed in the last few years. Trusts need to be registered and HMRC will be involved. It can run into tens of thousands in legal and admin fees nowadays.

echt · 26/10/2023 22:57

Ensure your own financial security first and that means looking forward to your health and possible effects in your later years.

SkaneTos · 26/10/2023 22:58

(I think it sounds fair.)

But think about yourself, too!
What is your economical situation now?
What will you economical situation be in the future?
When you are older, and when you are really old?

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/10/2023 22:59

I wouldn't do it. I'm not saying I wouldn't give them the money when they are 30, but for now it would be my money. I would make sure my own future was secure otherwise that will have an impact on your children anyway. I would get a really good pension scheme going, one which they can inherit if you do die early. Then I would throw money at being as fit and healthy as you possibly can be.

caringcarer · 26/10/2023 23:01

If it was left to you then you can do anything you want with the money.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:02

No, I'm not scamming benefits.
It's an unexpected inheritance.
I'm financially secure (I wasn't one upon a time hence pausing before making decisions regarding DCs)
My back ground is I have been in financially abusive relationships, I'm ok in advising other people but pause before I make decisions about DCs.

OP posts:
ToadOnTheHill · 26/10/2023 23:02

Personally I'd help them out piecemeal as I saw fit rather than gift it to them.

I've known multiple people go off the rails at all ages.

Silly to put yourself in a situation where DC1 turns 30, nice and responsible, £100k for you...same for DC 2...oh look, DC3 has had a relationahip breakdown and is going down a bad path with drinking...no £100k for you (or would you slee soundly blindly handing it over)? What about DC4? Marrys well, doesnt need the money... or perhaps by then, heaven forbid, ou need care and your assets are stripped to pay for it or you dont live as long as expected and its still in the pot?

Cosyblankets · 26/10/2023 23:05

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:31

Sorry, also 'fair' because it was left to me & I've decided to pass it on to DCs.

It was left to you to use as you see fit

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:05

Noted about trusts. The DCd already have a trust in place. But something to think about.

OP posts:
itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 26/10/2023 23:06

I was under the impression you couldn't put it in a trust until they were 30 here ... it's theirs as soon as they hit 16?

LadyLapsang · 26/10/2023 23:09

Lots to think about.

You need to consider your own situation first - you wouldn’t want to be a financial burden to your children through a lack of financial planning. Put your own oxygen mask on first!

I think keeping the money in trust until 30 is too late if you have intelligence, capable children. Also, money can be a source of tension in a couple relationship. It is nice if partners come together on an equal financial basis and a large inheritance may skew this and create a power imbalance. How would you feel if their partner walked off with half the money after a relatively short relationship?

MsRosley · 26/10/2023 23:09

theduchessofspork · 26/10/2023 22:24

Do you have a pension sorted out?

If not that’s your priority, they have more time than you to make money, and they’ll get it eventually.

I get the feeling you can’t afford to do this so you are being unfair to yourself.

OP, look into the future, when you are old and possibly unwell. Make sure you leave yourself enough for decent care. Don't leave yourself vulnerable - you owe yourself that much.