Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a considerable amount of money

237 replies

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 22:20

And decided to divide it between my DCs without their knowledge.
AIBU?

I'm a single parent. 3 are uni / just finished & one at senior school. The plan is to put the money in trust equally between the 4 DC until they each turn 30.

The reasoning is, my mum died when she was younger than I am now & my dad not much older than I am. So I thought my inheritance should skip a generation & go straight to my DCs.

Is this fair?

OP posts:
Ktime · 26/10/2023 23:39

Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:35

Yes, I own my own home.
No, I'm not trying to deprive assets.
I think it's taken a turn.

I asked because if money is just sitting in an account then it’s not working hard for you.

suntannedsnowballs · 26/10/2023 23:42

I got an inheritance of £150k which is already tied up in long term savings accounts in my name but is going directly to my children. I've never touched a penny of it

Wills all sorted

I've also left the main 5 bedroom house to them, and the rental property - should be around half a million

As an only child I should inherit well from my parents, but again - I'll earmark that for the children. I will perhaps take a token amount and purchase a piece of art or something to symbolise them

I'm 33 - children are mere babies - DH and I are financially secure, pensioned up to our eyeballs and whilst we will add to the children's savings over the years, it frees us up to use our disposable income on nice things like holidays, home, cars and clothes

We will provide house deposits for them - but aside from that, they'll have to wait until I've shuffled off my mortal coil

I do not want brats. Also, given they're 2 and 9 - they do not and will not have a clue about the above

distinctpossibility · 26/10/2023 23:45

I think you should keep some of the money yourself. I do understand the wanting to split it all, honestly, nothing would make me happier than to see my kids secure financially etc. But I think if you keep none and it gets even slightly frittered by the kids, you'll resent them. So keep half, split half, £50k each is still a meaningful cash gift.

I think 30 is too old, by 30 I'd owned 3 houses and had 4 kids. Appreciate I'm an outlier but 25 feels more of compromise. And if you give it as a gift 🎁 then it's a gift, you really can't place stipulations / get judgey about it being "blown" on it once it's given. You can however give it for something named and specific eg house, car, to pay off uni if upfront about it.

VWdieselnightmare · 26/10/2023 23:47

Interesting dilemma to have. I certainly think that waiting until 30-something is likely to be better than letting them have the money at a younger age.

I think the point made by a previous poster — that at 30 one child might be career focussed and financially astute, while the next one to hit 30 might have a drink or drugs problem, or an abusive partner with grabby tendencies — shows the complications involved.

IIWY I might take advice on investing the money and leave it for a few years, perhaps waiting until what seemed the right time. Might be worth thinking about handing the money over in chunks, a lumps of £50k, say — enough for a house deposit. And perhaps investing the other £50k in pensions for them, so that they have a nice surprise later in life.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:48

Thank you for all the advice, I'll take it on board.
It wasn't a question regarding deprivation of assets, (my specialist subject in the job that I have) just wanted to know what people's opinions were.

OP posts:
Flowerpowera7 · 26/10/2023 23:48

30 is too late. Your kids will be making life plans sooner than that. Make sure you have pension first and take them on family holidays.

Millybob · 26/10/2023 23:49

A friend did this. She is now in her 80s, living in a basement flat, counting every penny - and her grabby sons who have enormous assets, partly earned through their own efforts but also a good chunk donated by her, barely pay her any attention and demand she goes halves if they deign to invite her anywhere. She is deeply hurt.
Sort your own future out first.

heyitsthistle · 26/10/2023 23:52

Sounds fair, but I'd give them the money as a gift when they buy a house. Then they don't accidentally spend several thousand pounds on things like air conditioning units, a nice coat and a supercar experience... All of which add up very quickly!

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 26/10/2023 23:54

This does sound a bit like you want a pat on the back for your selflessness…

I don’t think £400,000 divided by 4 and tied up in a trust for 10-ish years is the best way to serve your DC, now or in the future. But I don’t think financial advice is what you’re after. I think you want to be told that you’ve done well by your kids.

Ktime · 26/10/2023 23:54

Millybob · 26/10/2023 23:49

A friend did this. She is now in her 80s, living in a basement flat, counting every penny - and her grabby sons who have enormous assets, partly earned through their own efforts but also a good chunk donated by her, barely pay her any attention and demand she goes halves if they deign to invite her anywhere. She is deeply hurt.
Sort your own future out first.

I agree with this.

The trope of the selfless, downtrodden mother is tired now.

Viviennemary · 26/10/2023 23:56

I wouldn't do it. But up to you.

thegreylady · 26/10/2023 23:57

If it were me I would divide the inheritance 5 equal ways. £80’000 for each dc left as you wish and £80,000 for you against emergencies or even something special for yourself. If you hang on to it the dc can inherit after your death.

Original poster
Back2Black · 26/10/2023 23:59

No, I'm not requesting a pat on the back. But thank you for offering.

OP posts:
ChatBFP · 27/10/2023 00:00

Honestly, if it were me I would pay off their student loans if they are earning over the repayment threshold and - it's another tax and paying off gives them more leeway to get on the housing ladder - or help with a deposit on a property (matching their savings, to encourage them to save).

Then I would keep the rest.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 27/10/2023 00:06

I’d put £50k into savings account for them .
If the rest will be safe with you then keep it there Incase of emergency.
Give to kids when they ready to
buy.
I hope your not in any way being abused now . Emotionally ,physically or financially and feel
you need to give the money to kids for it to be safe ?

porridgeisbae · 27/10/2023 00:09

Thinking about it @Back2Black , if you lost your mum youngish then that's more of a reason to spend some of the money on some nice stuff you want or something, isn't it? Because we never know what's round the corner.

Hooper56 · 27/10/2023 00:13

100k each isn't enough for a trust fund -
It's really not that much money to be honest and to have your old
Age to think of. Maybe 50k each for a
House deposits and the rest for you.

Not being funny, it's just not that much money. Sorry
If I'm the unpopular opinion here -
Just trying to offer a different point of
View.

Ktime · 27/10/2023 00:15

Hooper56 · 27/10/2023 00:13

100k each isn't enough for a trust fund -
It's really not that much money to be honest and to have your old
Age to think of. Maybe 50k each for a
House deposits and the rest for you.

Not being funny, it's just not that much money. Sorry
If I'm the unpopular opinion here -
Just trying to offer a different point of
View.

It may not be much to you but it’s a lot of money for a lot of people.

If invested correctly, it could be a very tidy sum.

Original poster
Back2Black · 27/10/2023 00:18

I think it's just enough for each of them to put a deposit on a house.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 27/10/2023 00:24

Don't forget, they should get that protected if they get married or live with someone and buy a house together.

Justsaynonow · 27/10/2023 00:31

One thing to keep in mind is that the real estate buying power of the inheritance amount might be greater for your eldest who gets it first, if your market is doing what ours is in Canada. By the time your youngest gets his/hers, it might not be as great a % of a deposit.

sleepwouldbenice · 27/10/2023 00:36

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 26/10/2023 23:54

This does sound a bit like you want a pat on the back for your selflessness…

I don’t think £400,000 divided by 4 and tied up in a trust for 10-ish years is the best way to serve your DC, now or in the future. But I don’t think financial advice is what you’re after. I think you want to be told that you’ve done well by your kids.

Wow, rude

MariaMeringue · 27/10/2023 00:42

When my DH died four years ago, my DC were 12 and 14. I inherited his pension, which was a large sum of money, but I wanted it to go to DS and DD when they are old enough to spend it wisely. They are 16 and 18 and both in Sixth Form now, so it won't be for a while.

I decided to buy a house with the money, which I rent out. When both DC are at the stage of wanting to buy their own properties (they are only 17 months apart in age and I imagine this will be in their mid/late twenties), I will sell it so they can have half the money each. It's worked out well in the meantime, as I have benefited from the rent money from it every month, which has been helpful for school fees while they're still living at home and will go towards their university fees after that. The capital value of the house has increased by £150,000 since I bought it in 2019, so it has been a good investment and I think it was the best thing I could have done with the money to keep it safe for them.

Mumtime2 · 27/10/2023 00:47

What a wonderful surprise for your children.
Fully understand about the age of 30.
Give them time to learn how to love and not be handed it now.
We all wish we had unavailable dispersible income but in the real world they would pf not had this chance probably.
The decision and reasoning is yours.
Mn will come up with allosrts of unnecessary ideals. Haha

unsync · 27/10/2023 00:47

Have you allowed for illness, old age and other scenarios where having money can make a big difference to quality of life? Paying for good care is expensive.