Making food without asking whether I want any.

[bonzaitree]

My partner sometimes makes food without asking me if I want anything.

He thinks this is completely fine and totally normal.

It makes me feel invisible. I’ve asked him not to do it and he keeps doing it. Is it hard to say « fancy a sandwich? »

Example, just came in from holiday. I’ve opened the post and said I was having a rest for a bit. Came to get something and he was making sausages. We have spoken about this many times before. Today I was tired and snapped.

He might not be doing it deliberately to piss you off, but he absolutely is guilty of being a greedy, selfish twat.

It wouldn't be normal in my relationship. I don't think it would even occur to my partner to be fixing something in the kitchen and not call, "Can I get you anything?" while he was doing it, and vice versa.

Ditto with any friends staying over. Sorry, OP: if this is a regular occurrence he's a bit selfish.

I'll get shot down for this but I've only found men to do this, I find then generally more selfish or inconsiderate tbh.

My point is…

Just 2 years together and hours from returning from a holiday you’re arguing and you’re in your room starting a mumsnet thread

you’ve asked him at least 15x to ask you
He continued to ignore
you continue to get cross

Now throw in toddlers post holiday - and it would be WW3 I reckon

it doesn’t sound like it has legs op

But if you’d gone to bed knackered and he presumed you were sleeping?

You said he was “making” something

so if you bought sausage rolls… what was he “making”?!

Do less.

Not if you'd just told me you were having a rest and had gone upstairs, no.

I have to say I'm very much like your partner. DH and I generally cook for ourselves unless it's a special occasion.

My husband would stick his head round the bedroom door and see if I was asleep or not. If not he would ask if I wanted anything. Takes about 3 seconds.

Honest to god the number of women on this site who bend themselves into pretzels to excuse the lazy, inconsiderate behaviour of men and blame the women for getting upset is so so depressing. Everyone giving the poor OP the fucking Spanish inquisition to try and find a reason it's her fault her boyfriend is an inconsiderate arsehole.

I would have asked if my husband wanted a sausage sandwich first or to cook some and leave them for him to eat after his nap.

In general YANBU. I dont know anyone who would do this when it came to proper food such as a sandwich or a full meal. Snacks are different I think but I would still ask.

That said, in this particular instance I would think that if you said you were having a rest and had gone to the bedroom, that would mean you were either asleep or wouldnt want to be disturbed, so no I wouldnt ask you.

If I thought my partner might be asleep I wouldn't disturb them but I would cook enough sausages for two. Have you tried reciprocating and how does he respond?

@cultureplanet he'd offer me something when I woke up and came back into the room.

I guess it depends on his explanation. Eg if he’s just driven 5 hours home and you’ve left him to unpack the car etc whilst you have a ‘rest’ I can imagine why he wouldn’t make you food!

His priority is him. You are not.
I couldn't be doing with someone so selfish. Not attractive. Or decent

It was heating up a sausage roll FGS! Not making a sausage sandwich 😂

Where does it say that?

DH and I make snacks for ourselves all the time, and don't think anything of it. We share a main meal though, and share the cooking.

This .
It depresses me how low the bar is for some women .

Well, I'm not excusing anything - I just don't understand the dilemma as the way her partner behaves is how both DH and I behave ourselves.

If I'm hungry I'll make food, and same with DH. I'd never think about asking him if he wanted something because I'd assume that, as an adult, he'd make something himself if he was hungry or ask me to put some extra in for him.

Well in some families it's like this so it may well be normal for him. To be honest if I want a sandwich I'm happy to do it myself the way I want it

She said they stopped on way and got sausage rolls!

You are bonkers!! You’ve tried to twist this whole thing in to something else. It’s weird!

Ignore me

where the hell did I get sausage rolls from?!

OP….

nothing about sausage rolls