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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

451 replies

HalfTermDayOut · 26/10/2023 12:32

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

OP posts:
Gerrataere · 26/10/2023 15:25

whowhy · 26/10/2023 15:22

Of course you pay for your mum OP. Are you 6? This is ridiculous.

Why ‘of course you pay for the person who wasn’t invited to start with’? Does the op also have to pay her mums travel expenses to the place? Maybe she should start paying other things in her life for her as well, week’s shopping, her council tax, electricity bill. Why not at this point…

Wonkasworld · 26/10/2023 15:28

cherryscola · 26/10/2023 15:14

Carer's tickets are a great thing. Be grateful you are not living the life of a carer. It's hard.

OP your mum is cheeky - you should of course be the person who benefits from the free ticket. Anyone else who wants to join on to someone else's day out obviously subsidizes themselves.

@Wonkasworld you've made yourself look a right spanner

Yes, I acknowledged carers work damn hard and I retract what I said. It was mean spirited. 😔

LookItsMeAgain · 26/10/2023 15:28

@HalfTermDayOut - I voted YANBU because you made it crystal clear to your mother at the time of having the conversation that she would have to stump up the costs of the adult ticket for herself if she wanted to tag along. She hasn't been specifically invited to attend this, she has invited herself along.

That is very pertinent information. She has invited herself along.
She wants to go, she pays for herself. If she can't afford to pay for herself then she is welcome to think of something else to do with her granddaughter and daughter that she can afford but it will be on a different day.

I'd just head out to wherever the place is when you want to and don't call for her or pick her up or let her know that you've left for the day. Just go and enjoy yourselves.

whowhy · 26/10/2023 15:28

Don't be silly. It's her mum. It's a day out. Pay for your mum, like a normal adult, or just split the cost.

Gerrataere · 26/10/2023 15:30

whowhy · 26/10/2023 15:28

Don't be silly. It's her mum. It's a day out. Pay for your mum, like a normal adult, or just split the cost.

Don’t you be silly, her mum wasn’t invited. It was never offered to her. Her mum wants to go then she does what any other person does when they go on a day out, pay for themselves.

Wonkasworld · 26/10/2023 15:30

I think, maybe, what the DD wants or doesn't supercedes anything else.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 26/10/2023 15:31

Tell her to pay for herself and then go the day before arranged, posting lots of pictures at the end of the day.

TigerRag · 26/10/2023 15:31

whowhy · 26/10/2023 15:28

Don't be silly. It's her mum. It's a day out. Pay for your mum, like a normal adult, or just split the cost.

Do normal adults invite themselves to things and expect others to pay?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/10/2023 15:32

avemariiiaa · 26/10/2023 13:41

Some people are just utter cunts.

I'd rather have my child not struggle every single day rather than get a free zoo ticket every so often. But they think people are out for anything they can get.

Show quote history

Exactly!

I could work this out even though im not in that position. Just takes a tiny bit of empathy.

Livingtothefull · 26/10/2023 15:38

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 26/10/2023 12:41

I would split the cost. But then I think free carers tickets are a weird concept, you're hardly going to send any 9 year old to an attraction alone whether they have additional needs or not.

I can't tell you how depressed I feel to see this as one of the first comments on this thread. And for others to actually agree with it!

As has already been pointed out there are a number of sound reasons why carers tickets are appropriate. But posts like these do illustrate the negative, begrudging attitude of so many towards the disabled and their families as 'scroungers' which my disabled DS has been a target of, many a time.

tenpoundpombear · 26/10/2023 15:38

whowhy · 26/10/2023 15:28

Don't be silly. It's her mum. It's a day out. Pay for your mum, like a normal adult, or just split the cost.

Don't be silly, why on earth would she pay for someone else's ticket that she hasn't invited and, reading between the lines, doesn't really want there?

OP just take your DC and in future don't tell your mum your plans

Iloveacurry · 26/10/2023 15:42

She invited herself therefore should pay for herself.

Sirzy · 26/10/2023 15:42

I would pay for my mum in similar situation but that’s because I know she would be a massive help in the caring sense. If she was coming along just for the jolly I wouldn’t.

hwaclanhdead · 26/10/2023 15:46

The mum is being unreasonable here.
She invited herself along and now expects the OP to give her the carer's ticket and pay for herself or to split the cost of a ticket.
It's cheeky and entitled.
If the OP had invited her mum to come along then that would be different.

We don't know what the OP's financial situation is like. Maybe she can't afford the other ticket. Or maybe she wanted to use the money she saved on the ticket to treat her child at the park - gift shop, cafe etc.

Can't believe the knobs on here complaining about the carer's ticket. FFS. It must be unbelievably hard work being a carer for a disabled child and often financially very difficult depending on the family's circumstances.
They deserve a fucking treat once in a while without some people on MN sniping and bitching.

wildwestpioneer · 26/10/2023 15:54

If you can't afford it without stretching yourself, just tell your dm you can't afford it so she'll have to stay at home.

The carers ticket is to enable carers to take dc to attractions they wouldn't normally be able to afford to go, I'm not sure why this is such a strange concept to some.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 26/10/2023 15:55

HalfTermDayOut · 26/10/2023 13:51

@weirdoboelady Yes I pay for DDs ticket which is £18, so it'll cost me either £53 which I can't afford or £35.50 which I could just stretch to.

Show quote history

Don't stretch it. Say no. You're a carer, who presumably can't work much outside the home because of your child's needs, hence the carer's allowance, etc.

Your mum is being ridiculous and selfish. You're trying to do an 'extra' thing for your child, and you can just afford it as you're her carer. Your mother isn't her carer. If she wants to come, she pays her own way, doesn't expect you to go without (which you already do generally) to fund her.

NotMyCircus666 · 26/10/2023 15:57

I can’t imagine a scenario where I just invite myself to someone else’s day out with their child in the first place, never mind insist they pay anything at all for my own admittance and that’s before we even get to the carers ticket part of the OP!

It’s utterly mind blowing that anyone would feel entitled to benefit from someone else’s disability, but their own GC is even worse, as are a depressing amount of responses to this thread.

LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 16:02

YANBU! She invited herself, she should pay!

I'm not having a go, Im genuinely just asking, but why do carers of disabled children get a free ticket? I understand if it's a disabled person over 16 but its not like children go to these things by themselves and so a parent would be there anyways even if they weren't disabled.

Again, I'm not having a go at you (take all the perks you can get I say), I'm just wondering.

TigerRag · 26/10/2023 16:08

LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 16:02

YANBU! She invited herself, she should pay!

I'm not having a go, Im genuinely just asking, but why do carers of disabled children get a free ticket? I understand if it's a disabled person over 16 but its not like children go to these things by themselves and so a parent would be there anyways even if they weren't disabled.

Again, I'm not having a go at you (take all the perks you can get I say), I'm just wondering.

Less accessible rides, might need to leave earlier because of health issues

TomatoSandwiches · 26/10/2023 16:08

I appreciate your apology @Wonkasworld.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 26/10/2023 16:12

Sorry but your mother is a cheeky fucker. If she won't pay she doesn't get to go.

SpudleyLass · 26/10/2023 16:15

LeclercBeans · 26/10/2023 16:02

YANBU! She invited herself, she should pay!

I'm not having a go, Im genuinely just asking, but why do carers of disabled children get a free ticket? I understand if it's a disabled person over 16 but its not like children go to these things by themselves and so a parent would be there anyways even if they weren't disabled.

Again, I'm not having a go at you (take all the perks you can get I say), I'm just wondering.

Lets take theme park rides for an instance.

You don't want my kid on a ride alone - she escapes her car seat straps as it is, let alone something potentially very dangerous.

My dad treated us all to Disneyland Paris earlier this year - believe me, it was no fun, I spent the entire time ensuring that she didn't kill herself. Like all the other days of the year.

Its free because I'm not actually getting anything out of it really and tbh, my daughter doesn't get as much out of it as non disabled children.

But these carer tickets aren't just for carers of disabled children but for disabled adults too.

If I couldn't afford to take her to these enriching activities, we certainly can't send her on them alone due to her needs and lack of danger awareness.

I think a lot of families with able children - and I very much include my own siblings in that - take for granted just how much easier it is for them than for families like ours.

Littlelucas · 26/10/2023 16:18

The fact she on top of inviting herself along, actually insisted you either pay for your own ticket or split the cost with her is just shocking to me. My dm can be entitled but she would never suggest such a thing - as another pp said I just can’t imagine this conversation. Some people’s families are weird as fuck!

Yalta · 26/10/2023 16:19

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it

If you are going to spend the money you saved anyway then why not split the ticket money and spend 50% less in the gift shop or just pay for her ticket and don’t buy anything from the gift shop

I find it quite a weird concept that if a large company is giving you something for free you have to spend the amount or would have cost with them to make up the cost.

When you get £2 off a block of cheese at Tesco do you spend £2 more on something elsr

Zebedee55 · 26/10/2023 16:19

I'd split the cost.

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