To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

[HalfTermDayOut]

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

I voted YANBU because you don't owe her anything.

If she wants to come, then she should expect to pay for herself not jump on your 'freebie' because you have a carers pass.

However, my mom would automatically expect to pay for herself, so in that case I would offer to split, providing I could afford it.

It's not really though is it?

It's hardly handing cash to the Op!

I'm sure that they have made sure that these things are affordable to them.

It more than likely means that other tickets are bought & money spent for the sake of one free ticket.

Lentilweaver
Well, Op has said she can stretch to it, so I think she should, and buy less plastic in the gift shop. Posters are behaving as if "freeloading" granny is scamming hundreds off her. Just my opinion.

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Why should the OP not treat her daughter to something to the gift shop, just so her mother can freeload off the back of a carers ticket.

This was not offered by the OP, her mother invited herself then demanded the use of the free ticket so the OP has to pay for herself.

It's cheeky fuckery, whoever it is.

You are right, the OP doesn't owe her mum anything, not even a ticket, the cheeky freeloader. By the same token, I guess her mum doesn't owe the OP anything. I assume the OP will never need anything from her mum anyway?

I'd say - the carers ticket is for me - as her carer. Lovely if you want to buy yourself a ticket and join us, but understand if you can't afford to, there's no pressure from us to come. And leave it as that.

I sometimes pay for one of my parents to join me and my son at an attraction because I invited them and also to make it easy for me so I can nip to the loo/have a 10 min break, but when going somewhere happy to do just us two, if they asked I would say of course they can join - but they would be paying.

I used to think this and didn't claim the carers ticket for a long time (as a parent carer), but here's another perspective...

• Many children's disabilities frequently prevent them (and therefore their parents/carers) from utilising even half of what's available on a paid for day out. It's very, very common to need to abandon a day out because of medical/behavioural needs, equipment malfunctioning, missing out on things because of poor access, often needing to take things at a slower pace etc. The free ticket enables disabled people and their carers the same access as everyone, whilst also acknowledging that their experience will be impacted by their disabilities and therefore should not hold the same financial value as those who will not be.

• being disabled is expensive. Yes there's DLA and carers allowance, but that is only a fraction of the costs required to pay for the needs of a disabled person and their household/carers. Free carers tickets again recognise the financial impact of disability and support disabled people and their families in using the rest of their money to provide for their support needs or cover daily costs.

I like my mum too but sometimes I can’t afford to pay for stuff for her! That’s a bit of a mean comment.

This first answer sums it up for me. If you had invited her then it would be nice to split it. But you didn't and don't mind if she goes or not. She is looking to bag herself a cheap day out on your DD.

To be honest its a bit rude of your mum to ask you for the carers ticket and then to suggest u pay half when she's invited herself along and not you inviting her. Giving you have already had to pay £18 for DD ticket its not like your getting free entry. If you covered even half of your mums ticket your still paying 35.50 total with your mum only paying 17.50 when she wasn't invited anyway? Of she can't afford it she doesn't go or if you really want her there and dd does then you pay half. Is it a kids attraction? Would adults even benefit from going?

I would tell your mum quite clearly she invited herself and received no invitation from you. You plan to go, and planned to go alone and shall do so. If she wishes to invite herself she has to shoulder the full cost of doing so.

Would be different if you'd invited her!

If the op and her DD aren't bothered by Nanny coming perhaps she's not much of a mother or grandmother in the first place.

All these suggestions of 'back story' and questioning the OP's relationship with her mum are just ridiculous.

I love my mum dearly (no back story, no relationship issues) but she would be getting short shrift from me if she demanded I pay for her ticket to something she invited herself to. But then she wouldn't dream of doing that anyway. And certainly not if it was effectively taking advantage of someone else's concession for being a carer.

There are also many things I invite my mum along to but equally many that I don't, and just wouldn't think to. Doesn't mean I don't like her or get on with her. Just that I have a life independent of her.

YANBU. She invited herself, she pays for herself. End of.

@Cosyblankets and @ProvisionsOnTheDock the idea behind Carers tickets is down to cost restrictions. Many many people who are carers (not just parents) to their child are often out of pocket because they earn less or nothing due to their caring duties, or the needs of the child mean spending money on other things. This generally means they are unable to afford expensive attractions tickets. If they get a free Carers ticket it is much more affordable and they and their children don't miss out on being able to go to fun places.

Is that so difficult to imagine?

No, my suggestion (which I repeat is only if you feel you have to give your rather demanding DM something) is that you pay half each for the 2nd adult ticket, meaning that costs you £17.50, plus half each for your DD, meaning the total cost to you is £26.50. If that is a stretch for you, don't offer it. Your mum is a true CF if she expects to pay half price for her ticket PLUS not contribute to DD's ticket (or care) during the day.

That’s a lot of money to me. It’s the difference of being able to go and not.

The reality is more cynical than that I'm afraid.
The attractions want to get as many people through the gates as possible. They know that families with disabled children are reluctant to risk big expensive days out, because they can't be sure they'll be there long enough to get the value.

By offering one free carer's ticket, they get at least one paying person through the gates that might not have gone otherwise. And usually it will be two or three paying visitors.

@Gerrataere

But I do like my mum and would enjoy her company and wouldn't think k twice about splitting the costs.

Carer's tickets are a great thing. Be grateful you are not living the life of a carer. It's hard.

OP your mum is cheeky - you should of course be the person who benefits from the free ticket. Anyone else who wants to join on to someone else's day out obviously subsidizes themselves.

@Wonkasworld you've made yourself look a right spanner

This also to @Wonkasworld

@Cosyblankets and @ProvisionsOnTheDock the idea behind Carers tickets is down to cost restrictions. Many many people who are carers (not just parents) to their child are often out of pocket because they earn less or nothing due to their caring duties, or the needs of the child mean spending money on other things. This generally means they are unable to afford expensive attractions tickets. If they get a free Carers ticket it is much more affordable and they and their children don't miss out on being able to go to fun places.

Is that so difficult to imagine?

Good for you. Presumably you can afford to do so and don’t care about people (whoever they are) inviting themselves along to excursions and expecting you, a carer who gets paid a pittance and has to plan every trip to the nth degree as it is, to cover their expenses. The rest of us live in the real world
where these things are stressful enough. It has nothing to do with how much you ‘like’ people, getting a ‘free’ ticket doesn’t mean you have to share the cost in this instance.

IIMO if you invite yourself along on a day trip with your DD and DGD you either pay for yourself or you pay for everyone if you can afford it. You don't make it considerably more expensive for your DD to bring her child out for the day. I would just say you are just going to go with your DD by yourselves as you were hoping for a special day out together.

@Gerrataere

Good grief I don't write anything remotely like that.

I think you must be confusing me with someone else.

Of course you pay for your mum OP. Are you 6? This is ridiculous.

@Wonkasworld

I am my husbands carer, most of his day to day life he manages, however when we go to the theatre I get a carers ticket.

If there is a fire and a general melee, then his cochlear implant will close down most extraneous noise and he won’t hear any announcements vis a vis which exits to head for. He lip reads well, but we have our own basic sign language (we did entry level BSL when things were at there worst,pre implant) so he is safer with me.

Is he to stay home because of small minded people like you. He has been implanted for twenty three years, before that we couldn’t go to the the theatre, should he have stayed at home for the last twenty three years just because you think access to the outside world is not a necessity. 😡 😡