To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

[HalfTermDayOut]

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

Sure, it's nice to treat people, but on your own terms, not because someone entitled demands it. It's called having boundaries. And the relationship between them is irrelevant in that context.

Any argument that may ensue is down to the unreasonable demands of the OP's mum, but it's a bit of a leap to assume they're having some slanging match over the daughter's head. It is perfectly possible to have disagreements without resorting to shouting and arguing.

If I knew my child was struggling financially because of having a disabled child, there is no way in hell that I wouldn't be paying for myself.

I also like my mum so would have offered to split the cost without her having to suggest it.

Presumably OPs mother is aware of carer's having restricted income.

The very least she could have done is suggest a split, not begin by demanding the free ticket.

I assume that the cost of carers tickets is rolled into the overheads, so a tiny percentage of every ticket sold will cover the cost of them - and that is absolutely fine, imo! It enables the disabled person to do things they otherwise would be denied the opportunity to do, and makes life a bit easier and better for them and their carer.

Only a real Grinch would object to paying a few extra pence for a ticket so a disabled person and their carer could benefit.

Where do you draw the line though? An average 15yo could go to a theme park without an adult but might need a carer due to disabilities. An adult could often manage multiple children but some children may need one to one care. I think by having a blanket rule that you are allowed one carer free it's much more straightforward than a convoluted set of rules. I'd agree that it might seem that adults with one disabled child to look after are disproportionately advantaged, however I'd imagine things are generally pretty tough for them in general so may as well enjoy any small advantages.

The OP is having a free carer ticket because she is the carer for her disabled daughter. The OP's mother doesn't need to be there. If she wants to be there she pays her own ticket.

Grandma can't get a freebie on the back of her disabled granddaughter or split her ticket cost with her daughter who is the carer. This is not how the system works. A carer (generally mother or father) is given a free ticket to accompany a disabled child to an attraction.

OP, your mother is being an entitled twat. Tell her clearly if she wants to join you, she needs to pay for her ticket.

I think all the posters saying you should pay/ share for your mum's ticket have nice helpful mums who it is natural to feel kindly towards.

Reading between the lines your mum sounds jealous and indignant that you get "hand outs" and she doesn't see why she can't demand a share. You don't sound as if you're particularly looking forward to her company anyway, which is telling.

Wow 😮 sorry OP no advice for you really but @Wonkasworld and @ProvisionsOnTheDock the begrudging of help for parents and carers of disabled children is astonishing! I can't imagine the daily difficulty of having a child with complex or even straightforward disabilities. You both might want to reflect on what kind of people (robots?) you are and what you actually contribute in this world

Companies offer free carer tickets because they ultimately make more money out of it.

I wouldn’t spend £50 on taking my DD4 to a place that we’re likely to have to leave after two hours (on a good day), but I will spent £15. So they’ve made £15 they wouldn’t otherwise, even before the extras of buying drinks, lunch etc.

They don’t actually do it out of the goodness of their hearts.

If you wanted your Mum there and you had specifically invited her, then yes the fair and natural thing to do would be to split the cost of one ticket, no question.

However, as neither you or your DD care if she's there, plus she invited herself to the event, as a PP said "people who invite themselves along don't get to cost you extra money". While it's not worth falling out over, she's causing the issue here, not you. A normal person (having invited themselves along) should be socially aware enough to realise it's not fair to cost you more money in doing so. I wouldn't pay for her.

I like my daughter, so wouldn't dream of demanding that I go free of charge on a ticket that I'm not entitled to, and she (who is entitled to it) pays full price. In fact I'd want to pay for all of us (if I had the nerve in the first place, to invite myself)

Do you have a disabled child? If you don't you should keep your ableist comments to yourself as you clearly know nothing about why this is in place.

Not missing the point at all thanks and fully aware of what a carers ticket is.
I would just do it because it's a nice thing to do whatever the circumstances.

Yes, we do. OP hasnt said she doesn't get along with her mum, just that she is "not bothered" if she comes along. Odd turn of phrase. Her DD also is not bothered.

It's all pretty petty and life is too short, IMO. As for granny being called a cheeky twat because she wants to come along... well... There are so many posts by posters saying they wish they lived in a culture where they had more help with childrearing from grandparents. Well, those cultures don't split costs and argue over a day out!

No it isn't called being a grandparent. It's called freeloading off your disabled grandchild. I am a grandparent, and I do not expect other people to pay for me to do things with my grandchild. I do things with my grandchild and pay for those things because that is called being a grandparent.

As for granny being called a cheeky twat because she wants to come along... well...

I’ve not seen a single post calling granny a cheeky twat for wanting to go.

wanting the OP to pay for her is a different matter

I like my daughter, so wouldn't dream of demanding that I go free of charge on a ticket that I'm not entitled to, and she (who is entitled to it) pays full price. In fact I'd want to pay for all of us (if I had the nerve in the first place, to invite myself)

This!

You can’t demand that you want someone else’s discount or you won’t come to an event you have invited yourself on!

It's called freeloading off your disabled grandchild.

And that's exactly it.

Well, Op has said she can stretch to it, so I think she should, and buy less plastic in the gift shop. Posters are behaving as if "freeloading" granny is scamming hundreds off her. Just my opinion.

I don't know in the UK, but here in Australia disabled children and a carer, are regularly given tickets for all types of shows - Disney on ice, theatre, ballet, concerts etc

The companies send the tickets to the schools or the charities associated with the disabled programs in schools, and don't make money out of them. The tickets are for whole shows and have preferential seating.

Given that carers often have to stop work to care for their disabled relatives, allowances paid for disabilities and for careers are low, and there are often significant extra costs associated with disability care, it’s fair to assume that the OP hasn’t got money to burn.

If I were I a grandmother, there’s no way I’d demand that the parent of my disabled grandchild fork out for me to get in free to somewhere I’m not invited, knowing full well that’s money that now isn’t available for my grandchild.

Yes, I offer to pay for relatives for days out , especially if we’re more financially fortunate. I wouldn’t if it meant that my own disabled child would go without.

Is this a one off or has your mum form for this? I find it odd that this is the one outing she wants to come and wants you to pay/subsidize her. Is she interested to go but not at full price?
If you end up paying now she might just try for future outings, too. I would just reiterate what you already told her. Maybe offer to come over to hers another day this holiday with DC for some quality bonding time.

I’d offer to split the cost of the ticket but if you know this is what your mum is like ( inviting herself along ) you need to stop telling her what your plans are .

Perhaps granny can stretch to her own ticket as well? There’s nothing here to suggest that the OP is better off than her mother. Perhaps granny could stretch to paying for the whole day out for everyone?