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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for her ticket or any part of it?

451 replies

HalfTermDayOut · 26/10/2023 12:32

Half term next week. Going to an attraction with my DD (aged 9) and my mum.

I get DLA for DD, so my ticket is free as a carers ticket (and I always spend in the gift shop/experiences while there to make up for it).

Mum invited herself to come along, so I said she’d have to pay for her own ticket.

She’s saying no, either she gets in on the carers ticket and I pay for my ticket or we split the cost of 1 adult ticket equally between us so it’s cost us both the same.

I don’t care if she comes or not, DD is not bothered if she’s there or not. She wants to come because she has serious FOMO and won’t miss out on something.

So WIBU? Me or mum?

Vote:
YANBU - Don't pay any part of her ticket
YABU - Split it or let her in for free and pay for yourself

OP posts:
Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 27/10/2023 17:46

Wonkasworld · 26/10/2023 13:15

I stand by it.

Show quote history

Oh good for you. Glad you clearly don't run a company for a living... nor ever likely too.

Bertiesmum3 · 27/10/2023 17:47

my Daughters invite me for days out or I’ll ask them if they’re doing anything on my day off, I always pay for myself no matter what the cost is, I wouldn’t dream expecting my daughters to pay for me, even if they do pay for my ticket/entrance fee I always transfer money to them and I always send them some extra money to cover the cost of fuel too

Hayliebells · 27/10/2023 18:11

YANBU.

Scotland32 · 27/10/2023 18:13

There must be a back story/history here. If this was my mum, I’d split it, thinking of how much money she spent on me as a child/sacrifices she made. I believe it’s time for me to give a little back to her. But we have the kind of relationship where I’d be more than happy if she invited herself. Perhaps your relationship is different in which case, fair enough.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/10/2023 18:15

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 27/10/2023 17:46

Oh good for you. Glad you clearly don't run a company for a living... nor ever likely too.

Show quote history

To be fair Wonka did recant and apologise for the mean spirited comments.

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 18:21

Scotland32 · 27/10/2023 18:13

There must be a back story/history here. If this was my mum, I’d split it, thinking of how much money she spent on me as a child/sacrifices she made. I believe it’s time for me to give a little back to her. But we have the kind of relationship where I’d be more than happy if she invited herself. Perhaps your relationship is different in which case, fair enough.

There have been plenty of other sanctimonious posts like this and it’s still not washing. You don’t invite yourself on a trip and demand a free ticket that doesn’t belong to you, whoever you are or even with the fact that you paid for your kids when they were young (like any normal parent does…). Especially when the person you’re demanding from is a part time worker and full time familial carer who will be on low/benefit subbed income.

Sirzy · 27/10/2023 18:22

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

Read the thread to see why your post is exceptionally ignorant.

Gerrataere · 27/10/2023 18:24

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

No you couldn’t. People like you are ignorant at best. Sadly seem to be in great numbers as well, I’ve had so called friends demand to know why I get Carers Allowance for ‘looking after your own kids’. If you want a list as to why carers of anyone, any age, get subbed tickets we’re all here waiting to give you a long list. There are already some examples given across the thread if you want to actually read it.

Thedm · 27/10/2023 18:24

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

Are you stupid? Disabled households do tend to have higher outgoings that other households, and quite often a lot less money coming in as they cannot work as much as “normal” parents as childcare is limited for disabled children.
A lot of these places are simply too much money for a household with higher expenses and a lower income, but disabled people deserve enrichment just like everyone else. Carer’s tickets make it affordable.

And carer’s tickets are not just for people with disabled children, they are for adults who need a carer too. As an adult, you can go to any place alone. A disabled adult may not be able to and the only way they can experience things is with another adult helping them, so they get a carer’s ticket, otherwise they have to miss out because they’d need to pay for someone to come along and help them.

It is a choice to have children and incur the expense of taking your children out. It is not a choice to be disabled and require assistance just to go out to an activity.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/10/2023 18:28

JMAngel1 · 27/10/2023 18:19

Why does the mum get a free ticket as a "carer"? Couldn't we say the same for all parents?

By definition, to be in receipt of carers allowence your child has to be in receipt of DLA, your child receives this because their care needs are significantly more complex than a child peer of the same age.

So no.

pollymere · 27/10/2023 18:32

My Mum might have invited herself but would have paid for her ticket and the child ticket or insisted on buying lunch or photos or something.

And for anyone who thinks Carers don't deserve free tickets, they really don't get that it's often a full time job so you don't really get to enjoy a day out as your on constant alert.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/10/2023 18:33

God I'm so sick of seeing people begrudging disabled people and their families or carers any kind of consideration.

Please tell me why you think these people deserve less than equality?
What exactly is your problem with disabled people?

TomatoSandwiches · 27/10/2023 18:37

You know who else had issues with disabled people, Nazis.

If I were to give my son over to Social Services for care it would cost thousands of pounds per WEEK to accommodate all his care needs, constant 24/7 1 on 1 care with multiple staff and professionals, every.single.fucking.day.

So many of you just make me utterly sick to belong to the same species.

CoffeeCup14 · 27/10/2023 18:40

I have two neurodiverse early teens. I took them to see the Lion King at the theatre about a year ago. They found the whole experience, the crowds, the noise overwhelming. I had to take one to the toilet and the other got upset because they got sent back into the theatre before we came back. There were some meltdowns on the way home and what was supposed to be a lovely evening out was just really disappointing and upsetting.

A month ago I took them to see a band they really like and bought a ticket for my sister with their DLA money (would get a carer's ticket if I could organise myself, but I was worried about tickets selling out) so we could be one-to-one. They both had a brilliant time. I'm sure a parent of two neurotypical teenagers would manage fine, but I need extra help because of their needs.

WonderingWanda · 27/10/2023 18:45

Op I haven't read the whole thread but I hope you've stuck to your guns. It would be quite different if you had asked her to come along for company or to help but you didn't invite her. In the current financial climate why should you fund her day out.

Also to the poster at the start saying they didn't understand the free carers ticket for kids. The carers can't just bugger off and enjoy there day at the theme park.

Sirzy · 27/10/2023 18:46

Sirzy · 26/10/2023 16:32

Ds is 14, we don’t go to theme parks because he can’t cope with them at all.

i don’t expect anywhere to give us free carer access but I am exceptionally grateful when they do.

Even trips to places he knows and feels safe take a lot of planning before and during. We have to arrive at opening when it’s hopefully quieter and on a good day he will manage two hours. He needs constant supervision during this time and we may have to leave at any point. I can’t relax as I have to be hyper vigilant. I can’t go to the toilet alone. Generally we can’t go into the cafe or get anything to eat.

i also need to manage his medical needs including keeping an eye out on his feeding system to make sure it’s working.

he enjoys the trips out when we can do them. But they are hard work for me and I end up doing a lot more of the carer role than the parent. Many families have it much much harder than me too.

I would love to just get in the car and go for a fun filled family day out paying the full ticket price but that’s not possible. So when places offer concessions that make the day a bit easier, meaning I don’t feel the waste of money when things are cut short I will take them happily!

quoting my earlier post on the issue for the hard of thinking.

as I said i know a lot of families have it a lot tougher than we do. I am just speaking from my experience.

NewPapaGuinea · 27/10/2023 18:47

At a push I’d offer splitting total cost 50/50 so £26.50 each.

OneLittleFinger · 27/10/2023 18:50

I'd tell her she can have the carer's ticket as it'll be nice for once for you to be able to have fun with dd and let someone else look after her. You'll especially enjoy not having to push the wheelchair all day.

She who gets the carer's ticket does the caring, no?

AllstarFacilier · 27/10/2023 18:50

Just tell her you can’t afford it and you’ve promised DD it. She’s welcome to come if she pays for herself, but if she doesn’t then her options are to pay for herself or stop you from going.

CountryShepherd · 27/10/2023 18:54

ProvisionsOnTheDock · 26/10/2023 12:41

I would split the cost. But then I think free carers tickets are a weird concept, you're hardly going to send any 9 year old to an attraction alone whether they have additional needs or not.

I think that carers are often on lower incomes due to their caring responsibilities, meaning that, without these concessions, they and the people they look after would miss on things that many others enjoy.

I think its bloody great that efforts are made to make life more accessible for people who have caring responsibilities.

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2023 18:57

Wonkasworld · 26/10/2023 13:13

I'm shocked that you get £35 free, for an attraction. Something that is not a necessity.

Yup, ideally disabled people would stay at home and not have any fun or do anything that isn't strictly and absolutely necessary.

Would that be neater for you Wonka? It would mean no disabled toilets were necessary, no acessible parking spaces, buses would be freed up no end from all those dreadful disabled folks going about their unnecessary business all the time.

Wonkasworld · 27/10/2023 18:58

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2023 18:57

Yup, ideally disabled people would stay at home and not have any fun or do anything that isn't strictly and absolutely necessary.

Would that be neater for you Wonka? It would mean no disabled toilets were necessary, no acessible parking spaces, buses would be freed up no end from all those dreadful disabled folks going about their unnecessary business all the time.

Show quote history

Try RTFT instead of the bits that make you self righteous.

Countdown2023 · 27/10/2023 19:01

She works so she can pay for her own ticket. Another bloody freeloader!

itsmyp4rty · 27/10/2023 19:12

Jesus Christ this thread is shocking. It seems that people just cannot stomach that the mother of a very disabled child would get anything for free. If they don't think the OP should be paying half for the ticket then they think she should be paying half for her free loader mother - because they just cannot stand that she might get a little freebie for being the full time carer of a disabled child and they (horror beyond horrors) don't.