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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask aibu wanting ds to wear something other than tracksuits sometimes?

152 replies

sweaterweather2023 · 25/10/2023 21:43

Please help settle a light hearted discussion myself and my husband are having 😉

So I have an 11 year old boy who lives in tracksuit bottoms and sports wear. The company I work for are having a Christmas thing in a few weeks time for employees and family members including children.
I ordered a few things for ds today jeans, shirts ect but my husband thinks that ds is ok to go in a tracksuit as that's all he wears.
I think ds needs to learn there are occasions where he will need to dress up a bit more but dh thinks the world has gone a lot more casual now and what ds wears won't make a difference and that the only reason I want ds to wear the shirt and jeans is my own issues.
Thanks

OP posts:
Pancakeorcrepe · 25/10/2023 21:44

For a Christmas party and at his age, I would expect a bit more of a sense of occasion than a track suit. The clothes you ordered sound comfortable and more appropriate than a track suit.

SherlocksDeerstalker · 25/10/2023 21:47

I agree with you. I don’t get to go to work in a tracksuit. I have to adhere to the dress code. The sooner he learns that on occasion you have to toe the line the better IMO. It’s about more than clothes though I think. It’s having an understanding of propriety.

Welshwabbit · 25/10/2023 22:03

I have a very similar 11 year old and he was most put out when I insisted he adhere to the red carpet dress code for his primary school prom. But once he'd got there and saw everyone else was dressed up, he was pleased with his clothes! So I'd persevere with him.

LlynTegid · 25/10/2023 22:09

Sorry to read about your DHs view. Wearing something such as jeans should be non-negotiable, either they are worn to the event or your DS does not go.

DaftQuestionForToday · 25/10/2023 22:24

I'm with you. They need to learn that there are occasions where you need to wear something a bit more 'dressy' than a tracksuit & it's not like you've ordered a 3 piece suit!

will DH be going in a tracksuit

BaronessBomburst · 25/10/2023 22:27

If he usually wears tracksuit bottoms, he may be uncomfortable in jeans. Can you order him some softer chinos or smart combats instead?

DragonflyLady · 25/10/2023 22:30

Is there a reason he doesn’t wear jeans or other trousers? I have one with sensory issues who could only wear loose trousers for a long time. In which case, expecting them to do otherwise would be unreasonable.

HoHoHoliday · 25/10/2023 22:34

I would say you are not being unreasonable at all! However I would also expect him to dress smarter than jeans! To me, tracksuit and jeans are both too casual. For a workplace hosted party I would expect smarter trousers and a smart-casual shirt.

sprigatito · 25/10/2023 22:38

I disagree with most of these comments. I'd talk to him about the nature of the event and what most people will probably wear, make sure he understands that he might stand out a bit in a tracksuit, then let him wear what he wants. He's old enough to start making these choices for himself; he's old enough to experience the results of his decisions in fairly low-stakes situations like this and learn from them. He may realise it's easier to conform sometimes, or he may realise that it's more important to him that he's comfortable, depending on his character. Either way, it's better for his development that you let him make informed choices about how he presents himself.

MerryMarigold · 25/10/2023 23:02

I think you can compromise on jeans and a nice sport brand t-shirt, maybe in a Christmas colour like red.

scrivette · 26/10/2023 08:18

Jeans may feel stiff and uncomfortable after tracksuit bottoms, slim fitting black combats may be better.

I agree with you, sometimes dressing up is appropriate for the situation.

itsallfunand · 26/10/2023 08:22

I think YABU. He's only 11, let him wear what he wants and feels comfortable in.

bigageap · 26/10/2023 08:22

My DS from that age preferred cargos which I felt was a decent compromise and a sweatshirt. Still very much on trend for sporty kids but not a tracksuit. H&M has always been great.

Pottedpalm · 26/10/2023 08:27

Chinos and a shirt definitely! Does he wear uniform to school? He can’t go through life wearing what he wants all the time.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/10/2023 08:33

I can’t really see the point in making a fuss over what he’s wearing unless he needs to be in actual formal clothes.
jeans/combats/sweatshirts/sports tops are not smarter than tracksuits, and no one really expects 11 year old boys to wear party clothes .
On some boys, a black tracksuit plus haircut will look fine. Mine looked (and still do ) scruffy in jeans, shirts or anything else. It doesn’t matter, no one is bothered.
You are the only person who cares what DS is wearing. So if it is a big deal to you, get him chinos and a shirt and a haircut ( what about shoes?) But if you want him to look smart, jeans are not the answer .
Sorry, I know that’s not what you asked !

Universalsnail · 26/10/2023 08:35

I'd expect him to wear jeans or chinos not a tracksuit to a Christmas party tbh. Yanbu. I would leave the kids to it in the day but I would expect them to presentable at an event.

GreenShadow · 26/10/2023 11:41

I turned off at "Ordered a few things...".

Take him actual shopping and let him look at what's available. He can try a few things on and hopefully find a nice compromise. Make a day/morning of it and treat him to a nice lunch out.

Sorry to hijack your post OP, but we need to make going physically shopping part of our children's lives as much as possible to keep our high streets alive.

Hankunamatata · 26/10/2023 11:43

We just had this with 3 dc boys. We compromised on very soft chinos and polo shirts

Theroofisonfiyah · 26/10/2023 11:51

I have a daughter who lives in sports kit, she hates all girls clothes, smart ones in particular 🤣 if I say she needs to be smarter, she opts for trousers and school shirt 🙈

littleducks · 26/10/2023 11:54

"I turned off at "Ordered a few things...".

Take him actual shopping and let him look at what's available. He can try a few things on and hopefully find a nice compromise. Make a day/morning of it and treat him to a nice lunch out."

I wouldn't recommend this, trying on confirm of own home sounds much easier all round and you can check combinations. I've shown the traipse around towns trying to find preteen and ten boy clothes and sizes are irregularly stocked, don't correlate across brands and it turns in to a stress fest.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 26/10/2023 11:58

I say let him wear what he’s comfortable and happy in. Image isn’t everything and we shouldn’t be teaching that it matters how we look / what we wear or what people think especially at his age.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2023 12:00

I think I'm alone in disagreeing about the jeans. I absolutely get the point, and I'd love my 2 DSs to dress this way occasionally but I recognise that what's on trend & fashionable to them is crazily expensive sportswear, branded tracksuits & runners. I've all sorts of issues with this (watching my DD dress herself much more easily & affordably in a combination of branded leisurewear but also Zara, Primark and the like).

It's non-negotiable to be well-presented & tidy - but they will be; this is nice gear, which they love & wear well.

They'd be miserable in jeans etc and I wouldn't make them.

Of course there's times (school, work) that they have to wear certain clothes. That's fine - deal with it when they have to. No need for a family event.

It's not at all the same as turning up in scruffy, stained or old tracksuits. My boys mind their precious tracksuits & runners with zeal.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2023 12:01

Pottedpalm · 26/10/2023 08:27

Chinos and a shirt definitely! Does he wear uniform to school? He can’t go through life wearing what he wants all the time.

Well no, he can't.

But broadly, as an adult, he can decide what he'll wear to social occasions, which this is.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/10/2023 12:02

a nice sport brand t-shirt, maybe in a Christmas colour like red.

You don't have teen sons, do you? 😂

They would rather scratch out their own eyeballs than wear a red t-shirt. Christmas or ... ever.

Needmorelego · 26/10/2023 12:04

I agree with the idea of chinos rather than jeans. Chinos are more "formal" than jeans and I actually don't see 11 year old boys in jeans very often these days (unless it's black emo ones 🙂).