To ask aibu wanting ds to wear something other than tracksuits sometimes?

[sweaterweather2023]

Please help settle a light hearted discussion myself and my husband are having 😉

So I have an 11 year old boy who lives in tracksuit bottoms and sports wear. The company I work for are having a Christmas thing in a few weeks time for employees and family members including children.
I ordered a few things for ds today jeans, shirts ect but my husband thinks that ds is ok to go in a tracksuit as that's all he wears.
I think ds needs to learn there are occasions where he will need to dress up a bit more but dh thinks the world has gone a lot more casual now and what ds wears won't make a difference and that the only reason I want ds to wear the shirt and jeans is my own issues.
Thanks

I have same issue with my 13yr old D's, lives in joggers and sports t-shirts.

He is obsessed with labels so we've compromised with Lacoste polo or Stone Island jumper and CP company cargos. Looks smart enough and he feels trendy.

🤣🤣🤣

Would you attend a church wedding or a funeral in trakkies? A ball? A formal dinner?

Would I? No.

Have my teen DSs? Yes (a funeral & a dinner).

Will they as adults? Likely not - but they'll have the agency to make that choice, based on their preference, their social grouping, and their critical thinking skills. (That was my point).

As an 11 yo, that choice is not required. Sometimes they still don't have that choice (school) but on this occasion there's no issue with him wearing his preferred clothing. It's not going to affect his ability to make appropriate choices as an adult; that ridiculous.

He can't wear tracksuits for the rest of his life!

I very much doubt that he expects to!

Kids aren't stupid. They may do things now that they won't do as an adult. They know that. That's ok - they don't need points laboured at 11 to equip them with this skill, provided they are otherwise being supported to acquire such ability to think as an adult.

At 11, you parent your child. Tell him he wears the clothes you pick for him. Would he expect to go to a wedding, christening or other formal occasion in sportswear?

You tell him, don't ask him, don't give the option.

I'd give him the choice of dress nice and go to the party or stay hone with s babysitter. At 11 he'd probably opt to go out dressed nice.

I do remember going to Newquay with older teen DS. He was wearing around £400 of "smart" designer sportswear. We'd been there 10 minutes and someone sidled up to him to ask if he could fix him up with some gear. It hadn't occurred to me until then, but it absolutely is a thing.

@JenniferJuniper80

That's not parenting. That's using your power as a parent to force something unnecessarily.

There are of course non-negotiables. But for kids to respect that, they need to be important.

(And I assume OP wants her DS to go. In that scenario, of course the child will stay at home, your plan B!)

You would NBU to want it but you would definitely BU to force it on him. I remember hating my mum for forcing me to wear skirts, heeled shoes etc at that age. It was all about her feelings / saving face, not about my wishes.

I’ve never forced my boys to ‘dress up’. For the kind of event you are talking about I’d explain that it’s the kind of party where other children might be dressing more smartly, and would they like something new to wear as well? I would also offer the choice of less obviously sporty trousers - no cuffs, no logos, just straight black comfy trousers and a clean t-shirt. But ultimately if they want to wear their usual gear? Support them in their choices, dress yourself up if that’s important to you, and enjoy your time with them however they are dressed.

Yes this is quite true. But perhaps at 11 it is little early!

I think you are right OP; it's easy to say this doesn't matter but in many cases it actually does. Dressing well is a life skill like anything else.

Btw my former tracky-bottom wearing son is now 15 and lives in slim cut jeans and shirts. He chose that for himself.

Dressing well is a life skill like anything else.

This is correct. But deciding that has to fit into a model that we as older adults think suitable, but is anathema to an 11 yo, is not the way to do it.

The clothes must be appropriately clean, maintained and presentable. But there is latitude as to what will actually be.

As an adult, they'll still be able to make the appropriate choices without having to wear clothes they really don't want to wear at 11

All I can say is that I was not allowed to wear a Spider-Man costume to a wedding. I got over it eventually with therapy.

@JenniferJuniper80

Of course you don't pick clothes for an 11 year old!
My 11yo lives in joggers, shorts and pj's and for sensory reasons, hates jeans or anything "stiff".
We went to a wedding in summer, his first ever. Told him that joggers weren't appropriate, but, and here's the key, he could come shopping and CHOOSE and alternative.
He picked some gorgeous soft chinos and, more importantly, felt he was heard and had agency. There's always a middle ground.
BTW, he wore a Stormtrooper onesie to my Dad's funeral, and no-one batted an eyelid.....

I'm with you. I also have an 11 year old son who lives in tracksuits but if we are going anywhere nice I insist he puts on smart jeans and top at least

No, you are not unreasonable, My 2 sons (older now) live in T-shirts and shorts, joggers but if it is a party or other occasion they know to wear something a bit smarter. It doesn't need to be a suit but a smarter pair of chinos and even a polo shirt would do the job. Take him shopping and get him to pick something.

A tracksuit is too casual. My DD 10 seems to be favouring boxy t shirts and cream tracky bottoms/combats or some kind of leggings at the moment but would still wear a dress to a party. A guy at work regularly wears a tracksuit since we went more casual but no matter how expensive or fitted it's still a tracksuit

Wedding or funeral I'd agree (as long as child has no disability EG autism or ADHD) otherwise meh - go as you like! It's meant to be a fun party - life is short enough without pettiness like this!

I think this looks smart...

Bigger question is what is the works do generally like? Our work parties people dress in anything from dressed to the 9s to slogan teeshirts and jeans, there's no dress code and pretty much anything is acceptable

Is this more a case of OP feeling she'll be embarrassed?

What we wear at 11 is often not our style at 15 or 18 or 25...

Track suit bottoms (even worse as an actual track suit) is only very slightly above PJs in my opinion (unless doing sports) - definitely not occasion wear for a work party.

I have the same when my parents take my kids to the theatre. I would say Vinted is your friend in this situation. You should be able to get some inexpensive designer type tops to go with jeans which hopefully he'll like.
My son can be persuaded with Levi's, Fred Perry tops or EA7, stuff like that. Good luck.

Let your kids go to the theatre in what they want and are comfortable in

People don't dress up for the theatre any more

And making them think they have to dress up and be uncomfortable will put them off wanting to go to the theatre in the future...

I agree with your DH. Let him wear what he’s comfortable in and what he likes. I bet no one will bat an eyelid!

Try cargos

Prison chic

Soft chinos and a polo t shirt would be fine.

But yes I agree tracksuit is not acceptable and I'm pretty chilled about my tracksuit sport clothes wearing ds!!!!