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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone have a child who has no hobbies / talent AIBU to be concerned.

130 replies

Blueyisnowfamily · 25/10/2023 21:15

My daughter 10 pretty much struggles with everything -
she has got health issues - they are medical not SEN.
she is not academic in the slightest - really struggles with writing etc
has just started learning to read okay but up to a year ago could not.
maths she is better at but is still behind with division and times table.
she is dreadful at sport ( bless her )
she is not very good at art but tbh she doesn’t apply her self.
she is not musical or shown any interest in music.
there is nothing she is passionate about. I never worried before as she was so young but now at age 10 I wonder if if this is usual ?

OP posts:
Riverlee · 25/10/2023 21:19

She is ten. Don’t worry. There’s plenty of time to shine and bloom.

miniaturepixieonacid · 25/10/2023 21:23

I would keep trying for something that interests her. I don't think it's necessarily unusual not to be into any of those things you've mentioned specifically (though I appreciate that the majority of kids do seem to be inspired by at least one of those areas) but there should be something she enjoys.

animal care/pets?
walking/hiking?
cycling?
drama?
films/media?
lego/model making?
gardening/nature?
even gaming at a push, if not allowed to the extreme??
some people are real 'people people' - good at connecting, empathising, caring being the kind of person people want around - could she be that kind of person?

sollenwir · 25/10/2023 21:23

Two three thoughts:

  1. Are you sure there is nothing going on in terms of some learning issue/condition? Sometimes these things take a while to be diagnosed.
  2. If you are sure 1. isn't relevant then maybe suggest some different hobbies/activities she could try - think out of the box, and she might find her 'passion'.
  3. Celebrate her victories, even if they are small, and you wish she was more advanced/passionate etc.
Gillyyy · 25/10/2023 21:26

I think just try lots of different activities and experiences, and then you can encourage what she enjoys. Also, she might enjoy things but not be particularly good or talented at them, that’s ok too.

For example, she might not be great at drawing pictures but enjoys pot painting, or not sporty but likes yoga.

stayathomer · 25/10/2023 21:27

I love miniaturepixieonacid’s list! I think unless they zoned into sport/art/drama, a lot of children are in the same place. As long as there isn’t anything she isn’t getting additional help she needs for, all that matters is that she’s happy

Original poster
Blueyisnowfamily · 25/10/2023 21:28

We do celebrate everything she does and we are so proud of how far she has come
i just feel like she is being left behind a bit now though and as she gets older I worry about where she will fit in life I’m general.

she is extremely kind and thoughtful.
she is well behaved and polite but even socially she struggles.

OP posts:
TheGreatHat · 25/10/2023 21:28

Would it help to re frame the way you think about her? Personally I think the idea of every one having a talent that they just have to find is a load of rubbish! You've described what she isn't, but what is she?
What does she enjoy? How does she spend her time? Is she caring? Empathetic? Funny? What are her interests? Is she sociable? Imaginative?

Academics and the arts are not the beginning and end of talent, success or happiness

Original poster
Blueyisnowfamily · 25/10/2023 21:30

@TheGreatHat she is amazing I’m so many ways which is why I have never worried before.
she is resilient, sweet and kind.
i don’t worry about her as a person at all but am starting to worry what the future might hold for her and how I can help her.

OP posts:
stargirl1701 · 25/10/2023 21:31

Guides or Scouts?

googledidnthelp · 25/10/2023 21:35

That was me as a child and still me actually nearing 40.

Classic Jack of all trades and master of none. She is still young I wouldn't worry and if nothing changes I still wouldn't so long as she is happy.

10HailMarys · 25/10/2023 21:38

Are you sure she doesn’t have any SEN, eg has she been assessed for dyslexia and/or dyspraxia?

Most important thing, honestly, is that she’s happy. Not every kid has to have a big thing they’re into or a ‘talent’ as such. You don’t need a talent to find a niche in life.

TheGreatHat · 25/10/2023 21:39

Blueyisnowfamily · 25/10/2023 21:30

@TheGreatHat she is amazing I’m so many ways which is why I have never worried before.
she is resilient, sweet and kind.
i don’t worry about her as a person at all but am starting to worry what the future might hold for her and how I can help her.

She'll be one of those people who works to live instead of those who live to work! She'll be ok

ponia · 25/10/2023 21:40

Is it possible she has dyspraxia? That could explain why she is struggling with sports and art a lot. By writing do you mean hand writing? As that is another sign of dyspraxia. I'm sure she will be absolutely fine though, 10 is so young!

SpudleyLass · 25/10/2023 21:41

I would just say that SEN and medical needs often go hand in hand, OP and I would be in your shoes, evaluating for possible SEN.

Have you asked her what sort things she is interested in? Silly question maybe but perhaps her passions could grow from there

OctogenarianDecathlete · 25/10/2023 21:43

Ponies.
Get her down the local riding stable.
If she doesn't love it I'll eat my hat.

Or swimming, or brownies, or hockey, or a musical instrument.

You don't have to be good at things to enjoy them. But people need to do things with their bodies to be happy and healthy. (And if she does have dyspraxia or similar all of these things will help in some way)

Hankunamatata · 25/10/2023 21:45

Its quite common for girls that age no to have a thing. Most of the boys in dc age 10 class do some kinds of sport or music but at least half the girls don't have a hobby or sport.

viques · 25/10/2023 21:50

Can you not find anything positive to say about her? Does she have a happy personality, is she thoughtful, generous, empathetic, does she have a great sense of humour, does she tell terrible jokes……

Bornonsunday · 25/10/2023 21:53

I think it's fine and important to do things for fun. I love jigsaws and crafts even though I'm not brilliant at them. I was great at music but never really enjoyed it as I was pushed into it.

There are loads of hobbies like jigsaws, crafts, reading, hiking where being amazing doesn't really matter. It all about having fun, keeping fit, making friends, bring creative etc.

Stressybetty · 25/10/2023 21:56

My dd was like that growing up. No interest or aptitude in sports or hobbies really. Some interest in drawing later but I felt she mostly followed what her friends were into. We tried a few things, brownies, guides, judo but she gave up quickly. She was diagnosed with mild asperger's at around 8 however. I think I was pretty similar, just wanted to be left alone to read really!

Blanketpolicy · 25/10/2023 22:50

Ds did football, swimming and for a while karate. He was, lets say, less than average at all of them. But he enjoyed them so when they got competitive in the clubs he played 5-a-sides for fun with some equally untalented friends, or went to the local pool to swim lengths for fitness and to improve against his own times/distance, he did karate for fitness but didnt do competitions. He is now trying out golf and goes to the gym.

You dont need a "talent" to find pleasure in hobbies and nothing wrong with changing hobbies of you get bored and finding out new things about yourself on new hobbies.

Original poster
Blueyisnowfamily · 26/10/2023 01:13

@viques she has lots of positives. We are more proud of her than we could even explain to over come what she has

but we have had assessments with the community development paeds etc and they all say she is fine
yet school have decided to alert me that to not believe she will cope in mainstream secondary.

she can’t do buttons / zips / brush her hair / kick a ball in football, etc
she can’t write with a pencil so uses a laptop.
it is not me not being proud of as I am
she is kind/ resilient / brave / polite / sweet and very good natured. I am worried about her future though.

OP posts:
GrimDamnFanjo · 26/10/2023 01:17

Blueyisnowfamily · 26/10/2023 01:13

@viques she has lots of positives. We are more proud of her than we could even explain to over come what she has

but we have had assessments with the community development paeds etc and they all say she is fine
yet school have decided to alert me that to not believe she will cope in mainstream secondary.

she can’t do buttons / zips / brush her hair / kick a ball in football, etc
she can’t write with a pencil so uses a laptop.
it is not me not being proud of as I am
she is kind/ resilient / brave / polite / sweet and very good natured. I am worried about her future though.

Just keep giving her new adventures and experiences.

kitchenhelprequired · 26/10/2023 03:20

@Blueyisnowfamily has dyspraxia ever been mentioned - the things you mention all point to that.

stayathomer · 26/10/2023 04:46

ah okay, saw the school thinks there’s issues. Can I just say that no matter what happens if Covid shows us anything it’s that life can go any way, including the everyday person being the unsung hero and doing things we didn’t expect so job wise, finding a niche employment wise I’d never worry, people with amazing jobs lost them, people with everyday jobs (retail, services) saved everything! As well as that my son has a year to go in school and soooooo many people aren’t sure yet what to do. We thought he was going to uni but he’s looking at apprenticeships which now I see will suit him! Hope everything works out op, I kind of did nothing but a few bits, as someone said above horse riding- that saved me, other than that I lived for books and craft sets and watching tv and bouncing a basketball in the garden. Socially, maybe try some of the things people listed or having a few play dates or the like (as long as she has nice people in her class!) hugs op, hope it all works out (and it will!)

liveforsummer · 26/10/2023 04:46

She absolutely sounds like she has some SEN. The bar is pretty high for recommending non mainstream so the 2 things contradict each other massively. Perhaps a private assessment if you can afford it?

What DOES she like doing. She must enjoy something? Build from there or we can make suggestions. She doesn't have to be talented at things, she just has to enjoy them. I second a pp's suggestion of ponies but with a diagnosis there may be therapy options maybe better suited and also agree guides.