Does anyone have a child who has no hobbies / talent AIBU to be concerned.

[Blueyisnowfamily]

My daughter 10 pretty much struggles with everything -
she has got health issues - they are medical not SEN.
she is not academic in the slightest - really struggles with writing etc
has just started learning to read okay but up to a year ago could not.
maths she is better at but is still behind with division and times table.
she is dreadful at sport ( bless her )
she is not very good at art but tbh she doesn’t apply her self.
she is not musical or shown any interest in music.
there is nothing she is passionate about. I never worried before as she was so young but now at age 10 I wonder if if this is usual ?

I think you should just ensure she is introduced to everything but you can’t force it and not should you need to. I have only just discovered a couple of hobbies in my 30’s. Some of my friends have no hobbies and nothing they’re overly passionate about and they’re all happy normal individuals with relationships, jobs, friends etc
some friends have talent and passion for their job but struggle in other aspects of life.

she might not ever find a hobby and that’s ok. Or she might later on be passionate about something but not excel in it and that’s ok. Or she might find a hobby and be incredible and start winning comps and medals and that’s ok too.
don’t overthink it, as long as she’s happy

I used to worry similar about my son when he was 10 and nearing the end of primary school. However, he is nearly 13 now and has a huge love for football and mountain biking. He plays football for a local under 13s football team and despite starting at least 4 years after everyone else on the team with no prior experience, he's a great player. We used to think he wasn't sporty at all.

Some children take a bit longer to come out of themselves. My son was very late being able to tie shoe laces, his physical dexterity at primary age did concern is for a little while (he's still horrendously clumsy!)

You need to go above the head of the community paediatrician who sounds awful. Clearly there must be some quite serious sen if as you say the medical condition can't explain it.
What you describe is very very behind as you know. There is no way a child who cannot access the primary curriculum fully can be expected to succeed at year 7, and you've described academic issues in every area. Eg you say quite good at maths then say struggles with times tables. In year 5 they are doing fractions, percentages, some algebra, measures of central tendency etc.
Your title is misleading, its not so much she doesnt have a hobby as she is very behind in school. It does sound like a specialist school would be better unless some sort of drastic change and progress can be made which would be an awful lot of pressure on her.
It seems the time has come to get another opinion and really be clear how far behind she is to the point her school think she won't cope, make sure they know she can't access regular school like a classroom most of the time or an assembly. Secondary will be much much noisier especially non selective.

A great deal of what you’ve said sounds like dyspraxia, which my DS1 has.
Some of what you’ve said sounds like hyper mobility (can’t sit up straight, lolls) which my Ds2 has.
A lot of what you’ve said sounds like ASD, which both of mine have.

Are you in a position to have a private Ed psych and OT report? They will be different assessments, but different professionals. I think we paid around £800 for the dyspraxia assessment, which was done at home, and included the report and recommendations. This is now attached to D’s’ ECHP. The Ed psych assessment was more.

I'm a secondary teacher. We have 2 pupils who are non-verbal, working at KS1 levels, cannot access the typical curriculum without much reduction in every subject, don't come to assemblies or the canteen because of their sensory issues - and yet they are both not eligible for a SEN specialist school. So for your daughter's school to be suggesting non-mainstream for her, suggests much more concern than perhaps you've understood.

Do you think she is ASD? Dyspraxic?

Yes this. My son has dyspraxia and is embarassed so avoids situations where it shows up, dyspraxia affects coordination even of the eye muscles so reading, writing, art, sports are all hard for him. He enjoys art and sports but mainly at home where he doesn't feel like he's being compared with others.

Until he was diagnosed I hadn't realised how much he struggled and how good he was at masking his difficulties.

This sounds very consistent with dyspraxia too

https://dyspraxiakids.com/why-does-my-child-fidget/

I was going to come on here and say horse riding.
my daughter who is 13 struggles socially and is not confident with large groups of people.
Academically she is fine, so I don’t have worries there. However, sports and arts she had no interest.
I found a wonderful riding school who seem to absolutely concentrate in getting children who don’t seem to fit in elsewhere, down at the stables and involved in the horses.
My daughter adores this every weekend. We pay for a 1/2 lesson for her and she spends the whole day at the stables, helping out, learning things and being around other girls and boys who are similar to her, but all now have this passion with horses.
no mobiles are allowed and they enjoy being outside.
Not all riding places are the same, so you do have to choose wisely. But this has been a game changer for my Daughter, who now has a passion and her face lights up to go every Saturday and is buzzing when I collect her.
also I wonder if there are any animal shelters/charities around you who would love a volunteer. It’s just amazing what being around animals can do for you.
I love them more than humans!! 😄

I was a bit like this OP although I was good at art and music as a child. I was just very dreamy and very unacademic at primary school. I couldn't read or write much at all (not even my own name) until I was 7 but then got into reading at about that age and was away flying with it by 8 reading famous five books etc.

I struggled with academics into high school but still managed to get to a good university, and I graduated with a first, went on to do a masters and essentially everything was ok in the end.

I'd say for me a big turning point was learning to play a musical instrument, it seemed to whip my dreamy unfocused brain into shape! I think a lot of my issues were caused mostly by my temperament, not really suited to school (I studied alone for one of my A levels as I was the only one in school doing it and did really well compared to the one's I studied in a classroom environment for) and the fact that I still had night terrors and bedwetting until 7ish. I wouldn't underestimate the effect your daughters health issues are having on her.

If she’s still struggling so much academically at that age I would push to check she doesn’t have any SEN. You didn’t say she wasn’t “lazy” or “naughty” so I would lean more towards an undiagnosed need there. Do you have any hobbies? You could try something new together.

It does sound like there are issues that need to be further explored. I know you've previously had paeds involvement but was she ever assessed by physio or occupational therapy. Some of the things you've mentioned (such as fine motor skills) are under developed and I can't imagine why any paediatrician would say there's no issue.

You've also mentioned sensory issues with regards to sounds and problems socialising. These can be signs of autism. Dyspraxia has a high occurrence alongside autism.

It doesn't matter what paediatrics have said in the past, she can still be referred again. There is no limit to the amount of times a child can be referred for assessment. So I would definitely speak to the school and ask them to provide support in the process. She's 10 and due to go up to secondary soon. Ask they have an IEP in place at least and speak to them with regards to increased transition work. When her place is confirmed at the secondary, get them on board asap. Get them up to speed and have a plan in place before she starts.

@Mumto2kids86 no she is not naughty
although she can be a bit lazy 🤣
she is the opposite of naughty - she hates getting in to trouble, complete people pleaser and very literal.
she is so funny and loveable but very rarely shows that side at school etc
she is often referred to as “ timid “ in her school reports.
she is such a lovely child honestly in every way but I can’t help but see she is struggling with so many aspects of life.
she has often spoke about wanting to learn to draw and I do think she likes drawing but then her confidence and perseverance is bad when it comes to it.

Does she take touch typing lessons at all in school? Might be worth it if she doesn’t like to hand write or finds it difficult. I work with a lot of children who access all work digitally and do touch typing to enable them to do this quickly and efficiently. It’s probably going to benefit them more than handwriting in the long run- adults type way more than hand write in this day and age.

I wouldn’t worry too much re hobbies but like others have said I would try a variety of things with her. What’s she like with animals? ICT? Making things like wax melts or soaps (with help). It might be something really random that she discovers she enjoys and can do

@Fraggeek sorry I will explain a bit better

our general paediatrician is great - we love her and is super supportive.

the way the referral process happens here to is that the 2 stages are

appointment with the community paediatrician at developmental centre and speech and language therapist ( one that doesn’t know the child )

then if you get to the next stage

the ADOS assessment.

the community paediatrician knew daughter prior to her first referral because of developmental delays as a baby / toddler which at the time could be seen as effects from her neonatal / baby period where she had some complex surgeries.

she is the same dr that picks up the referral every time and we never get past that first appointment as she says she is too “ mixed profile “

her first referral was recommended by her speech and language therapist.

second referral was by her general paediatrician

most recent referral by her specialist consultant but we the wait list is 2 years for first appointment and a further 2 years for the ados assessment if required.

she has an OT / physio and speech and language therapist she has a list of noted issues from them all.

still no where near any sort of diagnosis !

You know her best @Blueyisnowfamily
I would personally sign her up for everything you think she may like. She doesn't have to be a professional at it.
I have done that with mine although she has things she likes, however this helps with confidence, they get inspired by other children as well and get to socialise and meet new people.

DD now does at least one activity every single day and this term she's decided to keep going with some of the new clubs. I thought she would quit.

It sounds like some people have also given you ideas of what you could sign her up for. I wouldn't focus on academics/ hobbies requiring this if it seems like she may be behind at school.
Sometimes they won't know until they try an activity. That's also a good way for her to make friends.

A few ideas
Brownies / Girl Guides
Art/ Painting
Pottery
Horse riding or Stable management
Cycling club
Swimming
Tennis
Athletics club
Gymnastics
Ballet / Tap / Street Dance
Acting
Singing
Piano or other instruments
Other sports, Hockey / Netball club, Golf

She must enjoy something. Building/crafting things? Like mechanix sets or lego? Would help fine motor skills. Does she like writing on a laptop, like writing stories or fanfiction? I used to love writing fanfiction.

Or if you want something more physical and she likes animals how about horse riding?

We have a few people, children and adults at my stables with physical and learning difficulties who have benefited enormously from it. It builds their core strength without being massively taxing.

There is one particular horse there who is a darling for these riders. One woman is so tight and inflexible due to her condition that her first month she had to climb onto him on her knees as she couldn't open her legs enough to mount him from a stirrup.

A few of the younger riders and I would lead her tobstart with and help her on and off and last week she did it in one swing. Everyone cheered for her. She can even rise to the trot now and everything and will be joining our jumping lessons soon.

Loads of stables do have support and suitable horses for disabled riders and its very therapeutic mentally as well. I ride the same horse and its impossible to be around him and not smile. Or any of them. Some are hilariously naughty. I can't be depressed there, its the best small fortune I ever spent.

Can you go private, even if you have to take out a small loan and see an Ed psch, everything you have mentioned screams dyspraxia and possibly ASD.

Yes, it could be caused by trauma instead it's challenging to unravel but that doesn't really matter, what matters is she gets the right support and if that support happens to be what a child needs with dyspraxia or asd then so be it even if it is caused by trauma.

As for activities, you are after finding things she enjoys. She enjoys art but only what she wants to do - great set her up an art area so she can be creative.

my DD loves going to the theatre, she doesn't want to act/sing she likes watching shows so we do that.

Crochet is big at the minute, some nice thick yarn and thick hook to make it easy to grasp and once she's mastered the basics she can make cute animals, plenty of tutorial made by using people online.

Do what she enjoys, she doesn't have to be good at it. If she enjoys it she will become better. As for sports, there are lots of different ones, indoor rock climbing might be great at developing some core strength and may centres run accessible sessions.

I don't understand why you think her health needs don't come under SEN, they do.

Sounds very like DD, what helped her was picking activities that were less common. There was less pressure to be 'good' she does archery and kick boxing (great stress relief). Both have a degree of coolness which she likes but there's not really any competitiveness either in the gym or range nor within her friends/class. Equally she loves craft over art, and can spend hours modelling or doing craft work again with out the pressure of being 'good' at drawing.

Success with these has helped her confidence and interest elsewhere. Still baby steps but moving forward. Maybe brain storm so alternative options rather than the usual choices.

Incendentially she was just diagnosed ASD1 after a lot of mixed profile comments, so I would push for an assessment.

Op social media etc would have us thinking everyone is super capable, talented, if not academic then arty, sporty, musical.

Reality? Most people just get by and are average/don't have any notable talents, not especially "good at" anything.

Look holistically. Is your DD:
Kind?
Funny?
Chatty/engaging?
Hard working?
does she persevere with things she finds hard?
Good with animals?
Good with younger kids?

What does she enjoy doing for fun?

There are lots of nice character traits that make up a person, that aren't really about talent or academic excellence.

Can your DD consultant recommend her to see the in hospital Children's Psychological Therapy department?

This may have a shorter waiting list than a SEN referral and their input may push you up a list.

Or even working with them may give your DD a bit more confidence. I don't know how her medical issues affect her but could they be holding her back emotionally? Making her struggle to fit in?

My DS really got a boost of self confidence after attending the CPT department and being able to rationalise his disability

Does she bake/ cook? It's good way to learn practical and creative skills hand in hand. I'd encourage her in both savoury/ healthy stuff as well as cakes- maybe fermentation based processes like breads, ginger beer or kimchi would be interesting. Perhaps growing herbs/ veg/ flowers too from that. It can be about developing a range of a skills or interests rather than expecting to be a star talent at one thing. In its nature that is quite rare.

Ok, so picking out what you have said:

She had complex surgeries as a newborn and as a child

She has medical needs

She has an EHCP

She has an occupational therapist

At least two referrals have been made (? for ASD) but have been rejected due to "mixed profile" which I would guess probably means that that the ASD assessment people are of the opinion that at least some of the behaviours are due to her medical condition.

She has a 1:1 at her primary school.

She can't write more than a few words and uses a computer to type.

The primary school are worried that Mainstream secondary is not the right place for her.

The picture I see here is a severely disabled child with complex needs. Clearly she is diagnosed with at least one possibly more diagnoses, and with an EHCP in place she is getting (some of) the support she needs in education.

I'd suggest getting in touch with the charity for her medical condition and finding out how it is likely to change as she gets older and what support is best for her. They may well have advice on which (eg) sporting activities will help develop her body and which are likely to be too much for her.

In terms of schooling, there are advantages and disadvantages to both special and mainstream. With an EHCP you should be getting annual review meetings and it is worth talking to your school about what secondaries there are locally and how they would cope with her needs.

I wouldn't worry because in real life few 10 year olds are "passionate" about anything that hasn't been fed to them and intensively supported. It sounds like your daughter has to work a bit harder than most at school, which probably takes it out of her.

Does she have good friendships? What does she enjoy? Even if it's animal crossing and applying makeup that's fine as long as she has fun doing it.

@Octavia64
it’s to explain but medically - she is complex
cognitively and other matters like ASD / dyspraxia are not associated with her condition at all.
in not denying she is medically complex but I would not say she was “ severely disabled “ either.
some of the issues surrounding physical abilities - not being able to run fast etc can most definitely be effected by her health.
her difficulties regarding
reading / writing / social / communication / falling over / sensory issues are not linked with her condition and many of her peers with the same condition attend schools just fine.