Does anyone have a child who has no hobbies / talent AIBU to be concerned.

[Blueyisnowfamily]

My daughter 10 pretty much struggles with everything -
she has got health issues - they are medical not SEN.
she is not academic in the slightest - really struggles with writing etc
has just started learning to read okay but up to a year ago could not.
maths she is better at but is still behind with division and times table.
she is dreadful at sport ( bless her )
she is not very good at art but tbh she doesn’t apply her self.
she is not musical or shown any interest in music.
there is nothing she is passionate about. I never worried before as she was so young but now at age 10 I wonder if if this is usual ?

Op I just wanted to point out that the first black Cambridge professor, and youngest, didn't speak until 8 or maybe 10 and had gdd. He was thought to be non verbal autistic. He is autistic but caught up and surpassed most peoples academic talent by 31. So anything is possible.
Also check out Dr dance. He didn't pass any gcses and is a well known professor of psychology, nit his real name but you'll find him and his story online. So even professors can be further delayed academically than your daughter and are actually brilliant.
Or any job that doesn't require academic quals can still be very fulfilling, or even supported living, my brother used to teach kids how to make tea for a whole term when teaching there and many are now semi independent and happy.

It sounds like so much energy is going into her medical needs her development in general has taken a back seat. I think you have enough to worry about already, don't go worrying about the future too. Just keep supporting her health and happiness. She does have a place in this world and so much to offer & receive. Everything will be okay!

I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t think you’re worried about hobbies at all - it’s about where she will fit in the world, will the world be a good experience, how will she be treated. You’ve described my grandson almost to a ‘t’, including hangover physical issues related to a congenital condition. If you can, I’d strongly suggest a private autism assessment. I would suggest her behaviours are very suggestive of that, and - if you can properly identify the issue, education becomes that bit easier. As parents, we worry about our kids and if you’re a parent of a child with extra challenges, it’s so much bigger. All the best.

Apart from reading I do not like or do a single thing that I liked and did at 10. Don’t worry.

My daughter is a year younger and has dyspraxia and these are common signs. My daughter would regularly walk into things, can’t use cutlery, scissors or anything fiddly.
she learnt to pedal a bike but could not steer and pedal together which meant multiple accidents.
school put her into jump ahead 3x a week and ordered her special pens, scissors and cutlery but she does dance and can learn every move for shows going.
my eldest is autistic and has no hobbies as such but is extremely creative
I am autistic and did cross country as a kid and then nothing, at 30 I picked up a hula hoop and really good at it but that’s about it

I don’t mean this to come across how it might. It’s simply a statement of fact.

Everything in nature is a a spectrum. Intelligence and academic ability is no different; some people have to be at the lower end.

Not being able to read until the age of 9 would concern me though, and I would personally be investigating whether there is any ASD at work.

This sounds almost identical to my 13yo daughter. Always refused clubs, hates reading, writing, maths, art, sports. Very in to hair and beauty though so it wouldn't surprise me if that's the direction she goes in for college/employment

The older they get the fewer activities they do so if she’s not doing any clubs now it doesn’t really matter.

I was her, but I was fine.

The one thing I do wish I'd found sooner was "non team" physical activities. I was in my 30s before I found I quote liked pushing myself in the gym, and I really wish that had come sooner for health/confidence/hobby reasons!

My 13 yo is the same, I’ve always encouraged her to try new hobbies/activities but she just gives them up after a while. She is weirdly amazing at spelling which was always picked up on at school but had no other academic interests or skills. She doesn’t seem bothered by it so I try not to make a big deal out of it other than giving her opportunities to try new things as much as I can in the hope she’ll find her ‘thing’.

International spelling bees? Spelling is a hobby in USA and I assume some other countries?

Online I mean unless you are particularly rich 😉

@Boomboom22 she has the ability but no interest in pursuing it!

I think doing a job you love is more important than hobbies really.
If my hobby is Gossip and people then teaching teens social sciences and pshe every day is a laugh and an education. If you love what you do you don't need an escape.

You have just described my daughter and she has dyspraxia. I have to ask have you ruled this out?

You dont have to be talented at anything to be a Scout but what a good experience she will have. Skills for life. Give it a try. Truly. Accepted from age 20 and a half.

This is such good advice. OP, I would add to please make sure in no way your daughter gets to know about your concerns as this would be crushing.

Support her as much as possible, even with sport, to boost confidence. Is she getting enough support outside the home, e.g. occupational therapy.

Does/can she have a pet?

I never had any interests or hobbies at 10, even in my teens, my hobbies were drinking and taking mushrooms. I have an MSc, happy life, job and family.
Worry not.

I never was good at anything nor did i have any passions or specific interests. I still did well in life and now in the middle of doing a phd at 47.

She is kind, empathy and it seems she has shown lots of resilience! Thats an awful lot already.

Be proud and enjoy being her Mum.

I tried lots of different things as a kid and nothing stuck - not musical, not sporty or confident enough for drama. Enjoyed crafts but definitely not naturally artistic.

I did however really enjoy Girls Bridage because it was a good mix of everything. Brownies would be the same. Had she tried those?

Ok, I have now read the thread and do feel it is likely that your daughter is missing some sort of diagnosis. I can see that several have mentioned autism and dyspraxia, which I can also see as possibilities.

I just wanted to offer something else for you to consider, as I dont think anyone else has mentioned it - learning disability. Note, this is different to learning difficulties (e.g dyslexia). Learning disability is a lifelong condition that starts before adulthood and affects development. I work with adults who have LD, many of whom also have co-occuring conditions e.g Autism, ADHD. Like with autism, there is very much a spectrum to learning disability.

I work with adults who have mild LD (in my experience very much a hidden disability, you would walk past them and not realise that they have a disability) as well as adults who have profound LD and require 24 hour care. LD affects everyone I work with in different ways, their needs and things they struggle with are all so different.

You have mentioned that your daughter has complex medical needs and I know that a cause of LD can be difficulties in birth and childhood illnesses/accidents/injuries (as mentioned in link below) so wanted to raise it as a possibility.

More info here: https://www.mencap.org.uk/learning-disability-explained/what-learning-disability

If it was me, I would just want to know about as many additional needs/conditions as possible so that I can rule them in as possibilities or rule them out, which is why I am mentioning this.

I know that there are advocacy agencies who can offer support when dealing with professionals. My local authority also has a specific children with disabilities team. If your LA has this they may be able to provide guidance/signposting/advice.

Sorry Mumsnet won't let me edit my previous post again. When I said about the LA team, I meant social work team.

Having had very demanding parents, it's taken me a looong time to get my head round 'doing things for fun' ! And it's OK for my kids to do stuff they enjoy even if they aren't very good/on teams etc, so long as this doesn't bother them

We kissed alot of frogs before finding the 'things' they enjoyed... none of which I would have considered for myself !

I won't reiterate too much but my daughter (also 10, awaiting CAMHS assessment with dyspraxia and possibly ASD suspected) has had very similar sensory challenges and struggles at school - some of which have just started to improve recently.

She still can't cope with noise and hits overwhelm very quickly. But she's gone from labouring with writing with a pencil (and hardly producing any written work because it was too hard and slow) to spending much of her free time writing and illustrating stories by hand. She's also learning to do an assignment rather than always her own thing, although she still prefers to follow her inspiration, I think. This is very different from a year ago.

She's aware that she "hasn't found her thing," and gets upset about it sometimes (this is her own perception, not something adults have pushed as far as I know). But she has a few things she enjoys. She's a Guide and loves it; she's in a small, non-pushy junior theatre group and it's done wonders for her confidence and speaking (she stammers). She swims and is confident if not polished.

I am autistic as is my son and we both made huge leaps forward in social confidence and general maturity around age 11-12. I was undiagnosed and he was still waiting for diagnosis, so it wasn't that we got intensive therapy - we just needed a bit of time. (More help might have been good, though. I wasn't diagnosed till adulthood so never did get any.)