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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you spend your twenties travelling, or building a career, or having kids or

168 replies

Threebiscuitsandacupoftea · 25/10/2023 21:10

just keeping your head above water?

Interested in how people spent their twenties. And what are you focusing on now, in comparison?

Due to ill health, mine were basically all on the struggle bus Grin I mean, yes I did have a fair amount of fun thank goodness, but never travelled as too expensive. Never managed to do anything of note.

I'm in better health now as I approach 40 compared to young adulthood, and would like to carve out a little bit of a career for myself. Have a few places I'd love to visit if it is possible one day.

What about you?

OP posts:
Mydogmybestfriend · 26/10/2023 04:05

Looking after children. Didn't start to go out until about 27 now early 30s enjoying life, looking to travel still but I party and eat at the best restaurants.
Everyone told me 30s are the best years so far been right.

Mydogmybestfriend · 26/10/2023 04:14

Reading these post I'm so glad I never got married in my 20s definitely wouldn't have the life I do now ...I hope to get married 40s

Mum2aTeen · 26/10/2023 04:56

Having my son/looking after him definitely wasn't planned, and giving birth to a child with severe/chronic disability so became his carer too and that complety wiped me as we weren't expecting this so severe PPD/PND came in.
I only had a couple of years of "work" before my son came along (casual, so I didn't know when the next shift was).
As we were younger, we spent everything we had.
I would have loved to work/travel, but life happens and travelling/holidaying a now.
My son is 14 now, so we're taking him on allsorts of holidays, and tbh it's great.

mumtum2023 · 26/10/2023 05:02

Travelled a lot at 20/21, bought first house at 21 too. Engaged and first baby when I was 24, married at 26, moved again and second baby at 28.

Have a job but not a career. Not worried about that, pays my bills is reasonably enjoyable and flexible around my family life so happy to continue plodding there while building a good life around that for my kids.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 26/10/2023 06:40

Education in the first half of my 20s. Building a career, getting on the property ladder and travel in the second half.

StepUpSlowly · 26/10/2023 07:14

Traveled a lot, made absolute peanuts but used it as an opportunity to develop my skills & as a result make a decent career for myself, I then bought my first flat outright in my late 20’s, hopefully further setting me up financially. Currently working on my career still but more importantly on reinvesting what I earn so I can have a lot more of a passive income and hopefully move a bit away from my current career and try out new things without the financial stress (I work in something quite niche within a general industry that’s usually low-paid so changing career would automatically mean a drastic drop in salary which currently seem like a bad move).

Aprilx · 26/10/2023 07:20

I finished university early 20s like most people and I spent the rest of that decade building my career. Money was very tight for most of that time so no travel, but once I got my professional qualification things picked up, I managed to buy a one bedroom flat when I was 27 and by the time I reached 30 I was in a very good spot career and money wise. I did some travel in my early 30s.

FrenchandSaunders · 26/10/2023 07:24

Bought a flat with DH (then boyfriend) in our early 20s. Spent the rest of our 20s going out and having lovely holidays.

Bought a house in our early 30s and had kids.

Just wish it could be the same for our DDs who are now in their early 20s and paying a fortune in rent.

MikeRafone · 26/10/2023 07:25

I travelled for a couple of months and then took a year out to travel again. Then had children mid twenties and early 30s

it was a different time and buying a house, although a stretch - was just about within means. Jobs were effectively better paid, so no desire for a career.

Spacemoon · 26/10/2023 07:35

The first 3 or 4 years of my twenties I spent working hard and travelling at any opportunity I could, as well as ensuring I was saving some cash on one side for the future as I knew I wanted to buy a house. Then I met my DH and we started a family so my mid-late 20s were spent pregnant, looking after toddlers and working around the kids and trying to keep our heads above water - we did however managed to get a house, but had very little else in the way of spare money, so travelling and luxuries went way out the window!

I'm now in my mid 30s and we are no longer trying to keep our heads above water, we have more spare time and money to travel more (though not as much as we would like!) Both kids are now in full time school, so I have been more focussed on my career the last couple of years.

I think my late 30s will be very much the same and all about the balance between family, career and travelling when we can.

Chrispackhamspoodle · 26/10/2023 07:46

Trained and qualified by 25.Worked a bit then backpacked for a year.Lived in London til 35 when I had kids so myself and now DH worked hard and went out loads in our 20s.Lots of drinking,galleries, theatre, long pub lunches at the weekends, clubs,holidays ,slept a lot.Then we had kids and that all stopped.My 20s in London were great but I also remember being quite emotional, anxious and torn between settling down or choosing another path.I worried about my future and paying rent or buying.I struggled with commitment as I had so much freedom.

Swimminginthelake · 26/10/2023 07:52

Lived in London and loved it. Good social life. Worked and did some extra study and travelled a bit but didn't have a plan for the future or much financial sense I guess. Ended up in a job i loved but the pay was crap. Spent most of it single but had a lot of friends in same boat. Life was a lot simpler back then!

Pushkinini · 26/10/2023 08:01

I spent my early 20s flitting between jobs, most were low paid and with no career path. I did meet DH at 20 and weekends were mainly spent out with mates and in the pub.

Unplanned pregnancy at 24 stopped all that. Two DC in mid to late 20s. Then worked p/t until I did a degree at 41.

Ten years later and the DC are adults and have flown the nest. I know have a reasonably well paid job so we can do the travelling that didn't happen in our 20s. Pretty happy with life although I would have liked to have travelled when I was younger,

Zanatdy · 26/10/2023 08:13

By 20 I had a 4yr old and was about to start a degree. 24 I moved 250 miles from wales to london and by 27 I’d had another child and a promotion. Having started having kids young my time to travel is going to be in a few years when my youngest goes off to Uni. Maybe doing things the other way round but I’ll still only be around 50 and want to see the world

yellowlane · 26/10/2023 08:25

I spent mine studying for an undergrad degree and then a masters. I relocated to another country, met dh and got married at 26. Had dc at 28. We travelled. Fair bit, Europe, Asia, USA, Australia.

ButDaddyILoveHim · 26/10/2023 08:28

I mostly titted about, unencumbered by either responsibility or good sense.

Tinytigertail · 26/10/2023 08:40

Partied and traveled throughout my twenties, don't regret it for a second.

Deliberationdivinationdesperation · 26/10/2023 08:49

I did a bit of everything, all the things you 'should' do.

Finished my degree - started my career in the field my degree was in - bought a house with partner - went on lots of holidays but never 'traveled' - got engaged - got married - became head of the department I worked in at 27 (quite the achievement looking back) - had a baby at 28.

I'm in my early 30s now and there are things I'd do differently. I feel like everything I did was too linear, too normal, too nuclear. I'm happy overall and I've visited some amazing places but honestly I wish I hadn't given myself so much responsibility so young what with the mortgage and the job. I'm tired. Drained.

If I could change it I would have actually travelled (not just gone on holidays) and I would have moved away from my hometown either to London or abroad before settling and buying a house.

Saying that my daughter is the best thing that's happened to me so I wouldn't change her for anything, and my husband is wonderful (mostly!)

Goldmember · 26/10/2023 08:55

Had already met DP at 18 and I was working. Bottom rung of career ladder as I was fed up of studying.
22 - we bought our first home, cheap in rubbish area
24 - we got married
25 - we moved to our next home, better area for families
27 - had our first DD

Prior to having DD we were also having fun, clubbing all over the NW. Lots of holidays and the 2 seater sports car.

I'm so glad we got to do that as by the time we had DD2 when I was 31, DH had been made redundant and we were absolutely skint for a good few years. We spent most of my thirties getting financially back on track which stood us in good financial stead now in my forties, my career and his are doing well, we have moved to our forever home, the kids need us less and we can have some freedom again.

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 26/10/2023 09:07

Left home at 20, married a year later, had 1st child a year after that (22), 2nd child at 24. My 20s were all about raising my family, and it worked out fine.

RedCoatSearch · 26/10/2023 09:09

I was in university, I completed my undergrad degree & completed a higher diploma in another university in a different city. Came back to university city & started out on my career whilst also undertaking a research M.Litt.
Partied hard & had a series of wonderful relationships & encounters.
It was such a vibrant & aive time.

I travelled a lot with friends & threw lots of parties. I love looking back at those years.
Met my husband at 29 & knew pretty much instantly that it was different. We got married when I was 33.

My 30's were exhilarating in a totally different way - got engaged & married within a year. Bought a house. Had a baby. Had some amazing career defining roles.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/10/2023 09:18

If I was charitable to myself, I’d stay staying /establishing a career

But partly pissed them away if I’m honest

TimeForACider · 26/10/2023 09:23

I left school at 18 and went out to work for 6 years. Then decided to give uni a go which I absolutely loved. Three years of opening my mind to new ideas, made lifelong friends, and moved towards my new career. Then obviously started my career at 28. Spent a couple of years working abroad before moving home and meeting DH, then having kids and restarting my career in my thirties.

SaracensMavericks · 26/10/2023 09:23

My 20s were my "work hard, play hard" years, earning well in a city job, drinks after work and clubbing on Friday nights, living in flat shares with friends from uni, travelling with my boyfriend (now DH).

Late 20s the sensible stuff started (buying a house, getting married). My 30s were the baby/toddler years. In my 40s I rediscovered my career (although I moved to the public sector, so I still don't earn as much as I used to 20 years ago).

Now I'm 49 with three teens, so we'll see what the next decade holds!

Kendodd · 26/10/2023 09:26

Can we add clubbing to that list.

I was lucky, born at the right time, could piss about in dead end jobs, go travelling or out clubbing every night and still buy a flat in zone one London.