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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you spend your twenties travelling, or building a career, or having kids or

168 replies

Threebiscuitsandacupoftea · 25/10/2023 21:10

just keeping your head above water?

Interested in how people spent their twenties. And what are you focusing on now, in comparison?

Due to ill health, mine were basically all on the struggle bus Grin I mean, yes I did have a fair amount of fun thank goodness, but never travelled as too expensive. Never managed to do anything of note.

I'm in better health now as I approach 40 compared to young adulthood, and would like to carve out a little bit of a career for myself. Have a few places I'd love to visit if it is possible one day.

What about you?

OP posts:
ValancyRedfern · 25/10/2023 22:36

I was utterly miserable in my 20s. Very poor mental health and eating disorders. I did manage to have some fun times but the default was misery. I am now in my 40s and infinitely happier. I do get sad when people talk about all the fun things they did in their 20s. To me it was an achievement that I made it through them without committing suicide.

ValancyRedfern · 25/10/2023 22:38

And as I should have predicted, reading this thread has made me feel utterly shit!

KohlaParasaurus · 25/10/2023 22:39

Graduated, worked hard to establish my career, saved up for a house deposit, travelled a bit, bought a house, got married, had my second child just before my 30th birthday. I was old and sensible in those days, I even had a subscription to Good Housekeeping.

My DC are now in their 20s and early 30s. They've all had a decent amount of education and work hard, but they're very much about living for the moment rather than thinking about the future.

Apossum · 25/10/2023 22:45

Bit of this, bit of that really. Partied a lot up to about 22 when I met my now-husband, we then worked on building his/our business and my savings, got married and travelled together mid twenties, had our son late twenties. I am 100% all about that family life now, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m a SAHM/admin bod and partner in husbands now rather successful business and it’s great.

Lemonyfuckit · 25/10/2023 22:47

Hiphopopotamonster · 25/10/2023 21:11

Ah absolutely wasted them drinking too much, flitting from job to job, getting into debt and essentially just making terrible life choices. Managed to get my shit together in my 30s though thankfully but sometimes I do imagine where I’d be if I started doing all the stuff I’m doing now ten years earlier

That sounds a bit like my 20s. I mean, I had some fun, but honestly considering I wasn't either settling down and starting a family or forging a brilliant career at that point (hadn't yet figured out what I wanted to do), I could have had MORE fun, like much more adventurous, or travelling the world etc, instead of just doing an easy admin job, never quite having enough money (because I spent it all, frittering it on crap and drinking too much).

On the other hand I'm doing the career thing now, and I look at the juniors / trainees who are mid twenties, and they have to work so very very hard. Sure, they earn well and by the time they're in their 30s they'll be well advanced in their careers and earning really really well, but I can't help thinking they're missing out on some of the reckless fun of your twenties.

familyissues12345 · 25/10/2023 22:51

Having children. Eldest is now an adult and youngest mid teens - I'm one early 40's and whilst it's fab to now have a bit of freedom, I do wish a little I'd waited.
DS1's Dad is pretty shite, and we were far too young. I was left high and dry when he was 3 months old.

LindorDoubleChoc · 25/10/2023 22:52

Working, house-sharing, going out all the time, drink, fags, shagging, a few drugs and having FUN. Also quite a bit of exercise and weighing less than in my teens or in my 30s. Think I hit my lowest ever weight at 26.

Gcsunnyside23 · 25/10/2023 22:55

20s- Graduated, had 2 kids at 23&25, worked part time, bought house, got married. 30s- kids are older& less hectic so now I'm full time working in a great job and pushing on with my career, plus having more time for me and partner

LeonBlack · 25/10/2023 23:00

Uni, then travelling for just over a year, then undergrad job and got married and bought first house. Then masters and first baby.

Career on hold by the time I was 30, but I was well qualified by then, so it was easy to slot back into by the time both kids were teens.

Amyalexandrer · 25/10/2023 23:07

Spent my 20s working in London, partying like there was no tomorrow, so many festivals, lots of abroad holidays, long stints traveling round the world, climbing a career ladder that I didnt really love. Finished my 20s buying our first flat, getting married and a honeymoon in the Maldives.
Turned 30, got pregnant, and life since has been totally different and entirely family focussed.

jesmonabullets · 25/10/2023 23:09

Working my guts out trying to improve myself as I fucked up at school and made some other poor life choices. Ended up working full time and studying alongside which was bloody hard. My circumstances growing up meant I was desperate to be 'normal' which in my head equalled a nice house on a nice estate, a sensible relationship and a good job.
I wish I'd spent my twenties living it up instead!!!!

@ValancyRedfern my MH was nowhere near as difficult as yours but I also feel a bit crap reading this thread so you're not alone.

neverendinglauaundry · 25/10/2023 23:11

Bit of career building, bit of travel, got married and got pregnant at 29.
Now mid 40s and in a new career established late 30s/early 40s, kids are teens not sure what to do with myself really.

tobee · 25/10/2023 23:11

Nice (European) holidays, worked in fun jobs with fun people, (arty not well paid) had a steady relationship (who is now my Dh), went out a lot, then had first dc at end of twenties.

DramaAlpaca · 25/10/2023 23:13

I did a lot in my 20s. Graduated, got my career started, partied hard, met now DH, travelled as much as we could, bought a house, got married then ended the decade having DC1.

In contrast my 30s, 40s and 50s have been a lot steadier and focused on our family and changing career. I'm intrigued to see what adventures the next decade brings.

elliejjtiny · 25/10/2023 23:13

Spent first 2 years of my twenties at university, then got married and had my first 3 children.

Imamumgetmeoutofhere · 25/10/2023 23:16

Baby at 21, mortgage at 22, engaged at 23 (to babies dad), married at 24, miscarriage at 25, baby number 2 at 27. So basically being a wife and mother.

jay55 · 25/10/2023 23:18

20s was with long term partner, bought house, started career.
Late 20s split with partner, sold house, took redundancy and travelled the world for two years.

AfterWeights · 25/10/2023 23:20

Pretty balanced! Developed my career, had some bloody good holidays, lots of fun with friends. Met DH when i was 21 too

I earned well above average though. Its easier when you can spend more/have more choices.

Delphigirl · 25/10/2023 23:20

Finished undergrad, travelled across US, then 2 years law school, travelled in central and s America, then 2years solicitor training including 9 months working in Hong Kong doing a lot of travel around far east, 3 months unpaid leave on qualification went around India Nepal and a few other places, back to uk office, married and bought house 18m later, baby at 28 yo 10 months after that, back to work after 6months mat leave. Got pregnant with 2nd baby. That’s my 20s!

Delphigirl · 25/10/2023 23:22

Went to 16 countries outside Europe in my 20s. Not bad.

wintertimeisbest · 25/10/2023 23:22

I was a single mum of 2 before i was 20 on benifits.
I stayed single after last one was born still single.
Took alot of crap from people.
No confidence no help no friends no family.
I pulled through i was determined to make it alone. (i had no choice)
Moved away from everyone with the help of a social worker i told no one changed my number went no contact.
Trained and became a support worker / counsellor for young mums still working
the same job 21 year on love it.
I raised my children myself they had a lovely home life and good education.
They are wonderful adults now and full time working i have more confidence now than i did back then.
I travel i never bothered with a man again my choice.
Love my little home and having the kids over for sunday roast.
Fantastic soon to be DILS. I enjoy life.

All them that put me down came out the wood work years later they got my middle finger.
Dont judge someone if you dont know their story.

kmkjij · 25/10/2023 23:23

Working and enjoying life. I also bought a house and got married.

Catsmere · 25/10/2023 23:28

Working. Couldn't afford uni even if there had been anything I wanted to study. Got my first job at 21. Went overseas twice some years later. Never had a career, none of my jobs had career paths and I was in the public service when it was being gutted by Jeff Kennett, so every department I worked in got closed.

cadburyegg · 25/10/2023 23:34

Got married, bought a house and had ds1. Had relatively unsatisfactory jobs. Now in my mid 30s, busy getting divorced, raising 2 kids and my career is taking off too. Knackered!

ChicagoBears · 25/10/2023 23:39

I spent my 20’s building my career, working insanely long hours (expected in my sector), earned relatively decent money when I hit mid-twenties as I was given a leadership position and I was able to start travelling the world.

I have never been one for clubbing every weekend but had some really memorable moments in my 20s (Glasto, Reading etc.).

I had children in my 30s, DH and I are both in really good jobs and are comfortable.