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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife's employment

119 replies

Father1 · 25/10/2023 11:41

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

My wife has been an excellent administrator (data entry and other routine simple admin) for 20 years. Early 40s, our child is a preschooler. She did a bit of sales early in her twenties.

I've strong work ethic, have worked hard and had a pay rise every year of my working life and I do alright, though listening to you lot I earn a fraction of all your £200k salaries.

Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling the pressure with the cost of living crisis, mortgage increases etc.

What is out there, what industries, what jobs are out there for someone who has no formal qualifications after GCSE, maths isn't a strength, is an excellent people person, has two decades of life behind her and pays alright? Better than a low level administrator? What is out there that she could try her hand at without previous industry experience?

I know she would love more money and not to rely on me so much.

I'm not expecting her to change jobs for a couple of years until our child is in school but I would like your take on it so perhaps to understand options / help her move up in the world.

OP posts:
indianwoman · 25/10/2023 11:44

Why does she need your help? Does she even want to change jobs?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/10/2023 12:05

What does your wife think? MN could be probably more helpful speaking to here and she'll have a better idea of her skillset than you.

Pumpkinpie1 · 25/10/2023 12:06

OP what are your intentions? Do you want your wife to contribute more financially to the family? Or do you feel she is unhappy capable of a more demanding job?
Having a young child is demanding, your wife balances care and work …. Why isn’t that enough?

ellyoctober · 25/10/2023 12:08

Yegods.

Not your place.

hardboiledeggs · 25/10/2023 12:10

Not really your place to get involved, especially as she wont be looking for a change for another couple of years.

Wishitsnows · 25/10/2023 12:11

You should get her to ask on here if she is interested in changing jobs. Project management would be a potential route

AmazingSnakeHead · 25/10/2023 12:12

You lost me at "I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male."

if you wanted genuine advice you would describe the situation without the snarky asides.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 25/10/2023 12:12

Well you sound charming. But with regards to your wife, how about an Executive Assistant? If she has a good admin background this is an area she could move into and it can pay very, very well.

Testina · 25/10/2023 12:13

If she can become comfortable with using the internet herself, and confident with researching, that will improve her opportunities.

You won’t get abuse for simply being a man, but keep in mind you are not going to endear yourself in a new group by accusing them upfront of doing that.

mbosnz · 25/10/2023 12:14

If your wife mentions to you that she's looking at her options, why not point her to Mumsnet, and we can have a discussion with the person most affected?

Userwithallthenumbers · 25/10/2023 12:16

Maybe she has asked for his input? Maybe they want to plan together for how to improve her skill set and qualifications before she starts looking?
Why does everyone default to a perfect demonstration of why he caveated his post?

None of you know what she may separately be doing, but immediately default to running him down.

RB68 · 25/10/2023 12:19

There are lots of things she could do as an Admin to upgrade her payscale. Accounting or bookeeping, go Digital and learn about social media and do some content work and posting for small businesses including promo stuff. Mostly its about keeping yourself current and keeping up training. I suspect as with most admin type roles this is being kept to a minimum via work but there is loads free on line. She could also look at something around "Sustainability" as that is the hot potato at the moment and is likely to continue to be so. It fits well with Office Management as well and adds a valuable string to her bow.

What are you doing for yourself?

Ontheperiphery79 · 25/10/2023 12:21

The way you have written about your wife has a cloying air of condescension.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 25/10/2023 12:24

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

Which raises the question of why the hell you bothered to post in the first place?

Stephisaur · 25/10/2023 12:24

I would suggest that, if she had the skills or inclination, she would have been offered better positions than she currently holds as she's been doing this for the last 20 years.

If her company have genuinely never offered her a step up has she conisdered asking why?

C152 · 25/10/2023 12:38

Receptionist, Personal Assistant, Executive Assistant etc. She might look for a HR admin assistant role in a company which will pay for her to complete further HR training. @RB68 suggested a sustainbility related role, which is a really good call, as that's an industry getting rapidly larger, and there are a few training options around, though most are outside of London.

Unfortunately, unless she's really lucky or has a burning passion and is willing to retrain to turn that passion into a job, it's going to be really hard to make a leap into a more well paid role. I wouldn't bother with social media/marketing, unless she already has a very good skill set, as most companies aren't going to choose a 40 something for an entry level role, and they don't pay that much anyway.

IncomingTraffic · 25/10/2023 12:46

Does you wife get any say in this? Or are you issuing an edict (and oh so generously saying you aren’t expecting immediate change)?

The response you’ve received is not because you’re male. It’s because you seem to think everything is up to you. And you’ve demonstrated contempt for the people you're asking.

Magicpaintbrush · 25/10/2023 12:49

Father1 · 25/10/2023 11:41

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

My wife has been an excellent administrator (data entry and other routine simple admin) for 20 years. Early 40s, our child is a preschooler. She did a bit of sales early in her twenties.

I've strong work ethic, have worked hard and had a pay rise every year of my working life and I do alright, though listening to you lot I earn a fraction of all your £200k salaries.

Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling the pressure with the cost of living crisis, mortgage increases etc.

What is out there, what industries, what jobs are out there for someone who has no formal qualifications after GCSE, maths isn't a strength, is an excellent people person, has two decades of life behind her and pays alright? Better than a low level administrator? What is out there that she could try her hand at without previous industry experience?

I know she would love more money and not to rely on me so much.

I'm not expecting her to change jobs for a couple of years until our child is in school but I would like your take on it so perhaps to understand options / help her move up in the world.

Wow. That's a pleasant way to start your post. You assume we're all horrible man hating harpies? Thanks very much. Why would you say that??

gwenneh · 25/10/2023 12:52

What is out there that she could try her hand at without previous industry experience?

Plenty. It depends on what she wants to do, which is why she needs to be the one leading the discussion.

StephanieSuperpowers · 25/10/2023 12:55

Hey, Wife, I've spoken to some other so-called "ladies" and they've given me a ton of advice about all the ways you could earn more. Here's a list. We're going to have regular meetings where we can monitor your progress.

TheShellBeach · 25/10/2023 12:58

Wow.

Isn't your wife capable of writing a post herself?

In fact, does she actually want a new job?

Seriously, how patronising.

DysmalRadius · 25/10/2023 12:58

What does she want to do?

Gazelda · 25/10/2023 13:06

Well, it's difficult to answer your question as we don't know her motivation, passion, ambition, etc.

Have you suggested onlyfans? Or taking a second job? Maybe ironing?

Valid8me · 25/10/2023 13:11

Are there any Universities near you? Its not difficult to get administrator positions and there is plenty of opportunity to move upwards, if thats what someone wants to do.

Ace56 · 25/10/2023 13:17

If she’s been in the industry for 20 years, why is she still in a low-level job? Surely she should have progressed to a higher level administrator by now? Or has she taken time off to raise the children?