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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wife's employment

119 replies

Father1 · 25/10/2023 11:41

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

My wife has been an excellent administrator (data entry and other routine simple admin) for 20 years. Early 40s, our child is a preschooler. She did a bit of sales early in her twenties.

I've strong work ethic, have worked hard and had a pay rise every year of my working life and I do alright, though listening to you lot I earn a fraction of all your £200k salaries.

Anyway, that doesn't mean I'm not feeling the pressure with the cost of living crisis, mortgage increases etc.

What is out there, what industries, what jobs are out there for someone who has no formal qualifications after GCSE, maths isn't a strength, is an excellent people person, has two decades of life behind her and pays alright? Better than a low level administrator? What is out there that she could try her hand at without previous industry experience?

I know she would love more money and not to rely on me so much.

I'm not expecting her to change jobs for a couple of years until our child is in school but I would like your take on it so perhaps to understand options / help her move up in the world.

OP posts:
Sofaz34 · 25/10/2023 16:34

Working in accommodation/property management. She could start as a front of house with no previous experience and it's very easy to work your way up really quickly. General managers earn 50k and you could easily work your way up if you excelled. Look into BTR and PBSA properties and the companies that manage them for job opportunities.

PotOfViolas · 25/10/2023 16:39

QWE96 · 25/10/2023 13:26

It always amazes me how men feel discriminated against when they're given a reaction to their objectively disgusting attitude.

It's also bloody audacious to ask advice from a forum you obviously hold contempt for.

Yes, if mumsnet is that terrible is there really nowhere else on the Internet op can ask for advice? Or better still his wife can ask? Strange.

Jmaho · 25/10/2023 16:41

Mumsnet is doing wonders for my marriage.
All these posts make me realise how lovely my husband is.
My gut tells me this one's a wind up though so I'll refrain from commenting on the actual post

tattygrl · 25/10/2023 16:43

OP has dropped this post into what he perceives as a gaggle of silly women and is probably sitting back highly amused at our outrage and reactions. Incendiary post, no replies from OP. Just ignore his silly game.

ICanSeeMyHouseFromHere · 25/10/2023 16:44

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

Ahhh.. do you like being told off by 'us lot'? Is that what you're actually hoping for? Or do you just lack a single ounce of social awareness?

Insommmmnia · 25/10/2023 16:47

I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male.

Usually the way to get someone to take on your mental load and do your research for you is not to start off by insulting them

There isn't a single please or thank you in your post where you are requesting help. Instead just an entitled demand

I can see why you expected abuse, but that's due to your behaviour not ours.

gotomomo · 25/10/2023 16:53

@MrsTerryPratchett

Completely agree.

Thankfully I'm not in that situation! I do a "worthy" job that pays badly Grin

Totalwasteofpaper · 25/10/2023 16:53

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2023 14:40

There's an interesting phenomenon I've noticed in DH's two twatty friends. They date very pretty women with no qualifications, not great jobs. The men want to sweep a woman off their feet, be the big dog in the relationship.

Then they marry and want the women to turn into Martha Stewart/Nigella Lawson clones who tend house and look decorative. Host the family, be in charge of all the social and family commitments. Their job isn't as important, right?

Then children and they want a Madonna figure who looks after the children through the shit bit where they're dependent and needy. The men do nothing and the SAHMs do everything. Their careers are important.

Then the children grow up a bit and are easier and the wife is supposed to transform into Steve Jobs overnight, make money, be effective. Still do the housework of course.

Then the wife fails to magically transform again and the bloke has an affair. Or takes up Iron Man or cycling.

The women have to change all the time, the men get to stay the same, or get worse.

Thank fuck I married DH.

👏👏👏

Interesting...!!
Yes! I have also noticed this too but I haven't been able to verbalise it this succinctly. My peers have small kids so still at the pre affair /Cycle wanker stage but you can kind of see it on the horizon.

What I initially found weird was he posted on HERE.
Then it made sense...

Instead of "hi wifey, a load of Andrew Tate admirers on Reddit told me you should retrain as X" he can say "the women of mumsnet said you should retrain as Y, they are making 100k per year, iron their husbands underpants, look after the kids and have dinner on the table at 7. Sort yourself out love"

It's another stick to beat her with.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/10/2023 16:54

Well, if she doesn't have qualifications above GCSE, perhaps she could give up work altogether whilst you fully support her and pay university tuition fees upfront so she can get a degree without being saddled with debt?

Your payrises should cover it easily enough.

And then whilst she's building her new career, you can take over all the administrative and practical side of parenting the primary aged child, arranging and paying for suitable childcare out of school and during holidays, taking time off for the kid's inevitable sicknesses, collecting and taking to said childcare, supporting her to travel for work and training, cooking, shopping and cleaning.

If you start now, she should be well established by 55.

Nuanced · 25/10/2023 16:56

Let me ask my husband what your wife should do…

vernatheraven · 25/10/2023 17:00

What salary is she looking for?

Does she want to go in to work or remote work?

Probably worth her getting in touch with some recruitment agencies who will have all kinds of different things

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 25/10/2023 17:02

Why does she rely on you, don't you pool all your money

INeedAnotherName · 25/10/2023 17:06

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/10/2023 16:54

Well, if she doesn't have qualifications above GCSE, perhaps she could give up work altogether whilst you fully support her and pay university tuition fees upfront so she can get a degree without being saddled with debt?

Your payrises should cover it easily enough.

And then whilst she's building her new career, you can take over all the administrative and practical side of parenting the primary aged child, arranging and paying for suitable childcare out of school and during holidays, taking time off for the kid's inevitable sicknesses, collecting and taking to said childcare, supporting her to travel for work and training, cooking, shopping and cleaning.

If you start now, she should be well established by 55.

😂

What do you think @Father1 ? Rather a good idea, very supportive.

Insommmmnia · 25/10/2023 17:08

Nuanced · 25/10/2023 16:56

Let me ask my husband what your wife should do…

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Rogue1001MNer · 25/10/2023 17:13

I've strong work ethic, have worked hard and had a pay rise every year of my working life

But not working so hard that you can't post during the working day, I note (assuming you're in the UK, although reference to GCSEs suggests so)

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/10/2023 17:14

Jmaho · 25/10/2023 16:41

Mumsnet is doing wonders for my marriage.
All these posts make me realise how lovely my husband is.
My gut tells me this one's a wind up though so I'll refrain from commenting on the actual post

True. Sometimes I read MN, wander over to DH, give him a big hug and kiss and tell him I love him. He says, "some bloke being a twat on MN?".

Yes DH, yes they are.

Rogue1001MNer · 25/10/2023 17:15

Hahaha, @MrsTerryPratchett
I've done that too

Butchyrestingface · 25/10/2023 17:19

though listening to you lot I earn a fraction of all your £200k salaries.

Do you treat your wife with the same dripping disdain as the posters on here?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/10/2023 17:40

Totalwasteofpaper · 25/10/2023 16:53

👏👏👏

Interesting...!!
Yes! I have also noticed this too but I haven't been able to verbalise it this succinctly. My peers have small kids so still at the pre affair /Cycle wanker stage but you can kind of see it on the horizon.

What I initially found weird was he posted on HERE.
Then it made sense...

Instead of "hi wifey, a load of Andrew Tate admirers on Reddit told me you should retrain as X" he can say "the women of mumsnet said you should retrain as Y, they are making 100k per year, iron their husbands underpants, look after the kids and have dinner on the table at 7. Sort yourself out love"

It's another stick to beat her with.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes this makes a lot of sense, as does @MrsTerryPratchett ’s post that you quoted

Minfilia · 25/10/2023 17:41

Nobody can be this patronising. How anyone ever married him I have no idea.

But send your wife here OP, she’ll be told to raise her standards 👍

EvenBetta · 25/10/2023 17:54

‘I do alright, though listening to you lot I earn a fraction of all your £200k salaries’
The bitterness and jealousy oooozing 😄
Does your wife like you? She could divorce you and take half your pension 💁🏻‍♀️ That would increase her income.

spookehtooth · 25/10/2023 17:57

I'm slow off the mark. The career change you want her to make has to wait the children you share responsibility for are older, that's quite significant. It means her choice until now has been made with some consideration for those children.

When doing your sums about the value of your wife's contribution, has the roles she is able to perform thanks to this job been factored into your measurement of her contribution? It's not free labour, if her job choices take those roles into consideration then this is something you benefit from

PinkiOcelot · 25/10/2023 18:01

AmazingSnakeHead · 25/10/2023 12:12

You lost me at "I'm expecting a tonne of abuse here simply because I'm male."

if you wanted genuine advice you would describe the situation without the snarky asides.

Not wrong though is he?!

EvenBetta · 25/10/2023 18:03

You think being a rude, sexist, snarky poster will result in pleasant replies? What ‘abuse’? Confused

PotOfViolas · 25/10/2023 18:06

PinkiOcelot · 25/10/2023 18:01

Not wrong though is he?!

Show quote history

Why post here then? I'm sure other websites are much more lovely, so post on them.