Who is BU about Christmas?

[NotSureWhatToDoChristmas]

DP and I have 2 children, a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old.

One of us has parents who live in another country and visit very sporadically (A). The other (B) has one parent who they are very close to and sees the children once every week or two.

That parent has visited us for Christmas every year for the last 4 years. Last year A wanted Christmas just us two but Bs grandparent had just died and so we invited that parent so they weren’t alone. A wants Christmas Day just us this year especially as it’s our baby’s first Christmas.

B doesn’t want that parent to be alone at home and says they wouldn’t enjoy Christmas without them knowing they are at home alone and still grieving too, A thinks as it’s DC2s first Christmas they’d like it just us four and that Bs parent can visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day but them being alone isn’t our problem.

Who is unreasonable here/what would you do?

Neither one is fully unreasonable.
Personally if my parent was alone and nearby I wouldn’t feel great leaving them alone on Christmas.
Can’t you have Christmas morning and evening as a 4 and invite the parent for lunch as a compromise?

unless there is a drip feed where Bs parent is toxic/abusive/a massive arsehole, then A is unreasonable

A is unreasonable. Christmas is not a time to be leaving a close family member who sees you regularly by themselves for no real reason.

Unreasonable to leave the parent alone if they have nobody else they want to spend it with

B is completely heartless and it would make me reevaluate my opinion of them totally

Sorry. I meant A is completely heartless

A is unreasonable

Does B parents come for the whole day? Although to be honest I'd say 2 extra people and cooking a dinner for 4 adults isn't hard and no more than cooking a Xmas dinner for 2 adults. If B parents are the ones who are also supportive, provide childcare and support the family it would be awful to leave them alone on Xmas. But perhaps a compromise could be they come after both parties have had lunch at home (I don't agree with this though) and spend the afternoon together?

A does dislike Bs parent but more because of having differing opinions on things rather than anything awful

I can see A's point about having a Christmas as just the four of you, BUT... it's really harsh on B's parent if they have nowhere else to go or no one else to spend it with. Is it a very small family- would they really be completely alone?

I would never leave anyone I loved alone on Christmas Day, simply for preference or not wanting to be with them!

2-3 hours usually

A is unreasonable. Plus, a 5 month old has no idea about christmas and will sleep through half of it, why does it have to be 'just the 4 of us'. A sounds like a bit of a knob

A is being unreasonable. B's parent is very close to the family so should be prioritised over baby's first Christmas which is an event that baby won't remember anyway. If A wants first Christmas to be just 4 people because that's what A's older child had then that's also unreasonable as things can't be equal for the kids because of the accident of their birth order.

You are very clearly A. You’re disdain for your in law shines through. You need to suck it up. Nothing will come of keeping your partner away from their parent.

Yes very small family, both parents no longer here and one brother who would rather spend Christmas with his wife and doesn’t like inviting people over (and left Bs parent alone at home for Christmas one year when we were in another country and couldn’t be with them)

"them being alone isn’t our problem"
I do hope that in other aspects of your life together A does not show such utter failures of imagination and empathy!

A is being utterly unreasonable and should consider how they would feel in 40 years time if their child thought it was okay for them to sit on their own on Christmas Day while they played happy families just because.

A is unreasonable.

I see you have said they normally only come for 2-3 hours, is that right? I can't see how anyone would object to that unless the person was abusive/awful.

Also yes Bs parent does a lot for the family, childcare, very generous with presents and days out and helps financially etc

B has suggested we do presents just us four in the morning and then they come for lunch for a few hours but A is not negotiating and firm on the whole day alone

I really hope you're B. I couldn't imagine leaving either of my parents alone on Chrisrmas day

This is a point that B has made, that if our children grew up and did the same they’d be disgusted

I'm not sure how it's obvious the OP is A? I thought the opposite- I think OP is B.

A is heartless and unreasonable.