Who is BU about Christmas?

[NotSureWhatToDoChristmas]

DP and I have 2 children, a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old.

One of us has parents who live in another country and visit very sporadically (A). The other (B) has one parent who they are very close to and sees the children once every week or two.

That parent has visited us for Christmas every year for the last 4 years. Last year A wanted Christmas just us two but Bs grandparent had just died and so we invited that parent so they weren’t alone. A wants Christmas Day just us this year especially as it’s our baby’s first Christmas.

B doesn’t want that parent to be alone at home and says they wouldn’t enjoy Christmas without them knowing they are at home alone and still grieving too, A thinks as it’s DC2s first Christmas they’d like it just us four and that Bs parent can visit on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day but them being alone isn’t our problem.

Who is unreasonable here/what would you do?

I agree - I also think OP is B.

Come on OP, tell us which you are.

If Bs parents are involved with the baby and make a lot of effort throughout the year I think it feels mean to leave them on their own.

I'm also not sure why it being Dcs first Xmas means you can't have family over.

And there you have it .... Christmas is a time to be generous not financially but morally and emotionally

It’s so fucking annoying when people do these threads with A B and whoever. It’s an anonymous forum, just post normally.

Don’t reply then! It isn’t for identifying reasons, I thought it may skew opinions one way or another if they knew wether it was a man or woman not wanting the parent there

them being alone isn’t our problem

That level of unkindness would have me rethinking the marriage.

A is unreasonable and being very selfish and unkind. isn Christmas all about extended families and being kind to each other

Which leaves at least 9 waking hours of Christmas to be a small family unit.

Yep

A has issues with feeling empathy towards people and is like this with a lot of aspects of life, very matter of fact and not being able to relate or understand how others may feel

Totally agree with the consensus. A is not just unreasonable, he's heartless.

I wouldn't see anyone alone at Christmas, let alone my partner's beloved Mum.

Why what has being male or female got to do with empathy ....we may also assume your a gay couple and saying I'm A or B wouldn't give away gender

I can sympathise because having someone you don’t like a lot in your house on Christmas Day isn’t ideal, but if they help you out a lot year round and are coming for 2-3 hours and would otherwise be alone then it feels very unkind to not let them come.

A baby will also have no clue what’s going on so shouldn’t be a factor in who is there or not.

Christmas is a family time. A is a dick and B is a nice person who probably needs to re-evaluate their assessment of B as a life partner if B doesn't welcome A's family for Christmas and would be happy for them to be all alone.

I’d internally feel slightly resentful of having the issue thrust upon me but would outwardly welcome the parent for Christmas

Ps, agree that the A / B nonsense is ridiculous

I thought the OP was B, too!

A is definitely unreasonable

Then I'd be telling A that A can spend the whole day alone and B will take the DC to spend Christmas day with B's parent. A is being a selfish arsehole.

So with you on this one,

My guess is OP is B
A is defo being unreasonable and feel like she may be the woman in the relationship 🤷‍♀️
I don't think I've heard any men saying they want it to 'be just them' for any event

Thanks everyone, yes I’m B.

Really struggling with this argument and I’m very close to my parent, couldn’t imagine leaving them at home on Christmas and find it absolutely heartless.

DP in process of being diagnosed with autism, not sure if the being unable to see why this is a problem is to do with that or just DP being a dick. Absolutely lovely otherwise they just can’t understand why it’s a problem and why we should invite my parent.

Have you talked to your parent about this B? It is possible that they don't feel as strong a need to be there on Xmas day as you assume.

If A doesn't like your DP then it is a bit much to assume that they always host them. If it is two years in a row it is likely to become every year. Is this what A is worried about?

Well if Arsehole A thinks its OK to be alone at Christmas I would take the DC and spend Christmas with my parent and Leave A alone at home. Simples.

No I haven’t as they are already worried about not being liked by DP and I wouldn’t want them to feel uncomfortable. They are already asking a lot if I’m sure I don’t mind them coming over Christmas.

Yes A doesn’t want it to be a regular thing as last year was supposed to “just us” as well and wasn’t