My manager keeps telling me not to have a baby

[MakingLemonadealways]

At least once a month! It's gone from jokingly commenting we can't afford the cover to full blown, seriously please don't go on mat leave we wouldn't survive! Very awkward, I can feel myself respond more and more pettily as the audacity of it is kicking in!

Bit different.
People plan to have babies.
People don't (generally) plan to die.
That's why what your boss said is (mildly) funny, but the comment about pregnancy isn't.
Do you see

There's different ways you can deal with this (such as legally as I'm sure what they're doing is illegal), but there are other ways too such as saying -

'Yes, I'm really going to put off the rest of my life for a business that I don't even own'

or

'Oh interesting.....would you like to put that in writing to me?'

Depends on the HR.

It is true that it should be their job to make sure that everything is above board and legal (so they won't be sued by their employees or be fined).....but HR works for the employer, NOT the employee, and they're well aware of who pays their bills.

If you want someone that's more on your side, you need a good union or better still, and employment lawyer if you can afford it.

Why are people assuming the manager is a him?

Totally illegal, keep a diary of each thing they say. When you are pregnant, go to HR and make sure you are protected from any foul play from the manager.

This is gold

My female manager was the most vile and spoke in a derogatory way about anyone going on mat leave/ pat leave. saying they don't care about their job. Don't assume it's just men.

It’s not illegal to ask about pregnancy plans! It’s illegal to discriminate against a Pregnant woman.

Oooh I like this! OP definitely do this! It’ll stop the comments too hopefully.

Sounds like my old manager, old witch she was.

Cry me a river. Attitudes like this that holds women back at work even now in 2023.

@Castleview6 yes it is discriminatory to ask about pregnancy plans, it’s creating a hostile environment which is harassment - and also there’s the possibility of indirect discrimination implied in the comments here. The manager would be hauled over the coals where I work for saying those comments. I had to dismiss a manager who had outright denied someone a promotion because she was going on maternity leave. He was a dense and incompetent idiot who thought he could say this because of having to organise cover 🤦🏻‍♀️

“well that’s one for the file in case we ever fall out…”

Spot on

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. I have had it said to me too - by another woman! (Admittedly a child-free by choice woman…) For some reason it’s become an acceptable thing to say to women in the workplace and it’s NOT OK. Have your children when you want to have them. I did. It’s never ideal (you always let SOMEONE down when you leave even if you’re only going temporarily) but that isn’t an excuse.

Why is your manager “joking” about this so often? If they just keep bringing it up out of nowhere every month, then they’re being very weird, as not everyone wants kids anyway.

If it’s in response to you being very vocal about TTC, then you’re a bit weird about being so vocal in a workspace about that, but they are still being super awful and unprofessional about it.

Sadly my manager is female. Which makes it even more frustrating. And yes quite a niche role in a large company, if that even makes a difference…

I’m very much on the cusp of starting a family (possibly more so after her comments!) but I feel like my eventual announcement will now be very very awkward

Definitely never ever commented about it. I used to actually reassure her I wouldn’t (as I wasn’t planning to at that point) but since it’s become more frequent it’s much more annoying and so my responses have changed over time.

Fuck her. Have a baby. Announce it. Be happy. Fuck her and fuck the company- it’s a job at the end of the day. If she wants to make it awkward, let her.

I’d say with the increasingly impossible task of running a small business they’re just trying to (jokingly) appeal to you. I’ve made similar jokes to an employee. She then announced recently she was pregnant. Of course, I’m absolutely overjoyed for her (sent her flowers etc) but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared about the coming year or two and ensuring she has what her and the baby deserves in this climate.
It isn’t necessarily being said from a bastard POV but obviously depends entirely on the person and relationship. The employee I mentioned knows I’m over the moon for her.

Oh and record her saying it/ get in writing so that you can sue the shot out of them if they discriminate against you

Hinestly people should know better these days. 2023!

How well do you get on with her and how nice is she in other respects?

If she's super nice in all other ways and you really don't want to upset her, you could wait until she next says something and then say, "Look, Claire, I don't want this to be awkward, but can you please stop mentioning me having a baby? You're not actually supposed to be saying that, as my manager, and it makes me feel really uncomfortable."

Otherwise I'd go to HR and say, "Claire keeps telling me not to have a baby, which is obviously not OK from an employment law point of view. She does it all the time and perhaps she doesn't mean it, but it's starting to feel like harassment. Whether I am planning to have a baby or not is none of her business, and if I did go on maternity leave she would just have to cope. She would also have to cope if I handed in my notice and went to work somewhere else because of her inappropriate comments. Can you ask her to stop please?"

OP would be better off not getting pregnant if she wanted to sue her employers.

How do you work that one out?