To refuse to take my learner driver on fast dual carriageways

[Laundryandtoil]

DS is nearly 18 and has got a driving test booked next month. He’s had loads of lessons (think I’ve paid for 70 hours of instruction at least!) and his instructor says he is test ready and should pass. I bought him a little car a few weeks ago and I’ve been taking him out in it to practice. DS wants to drive to visit his grandma (my mum) an hour away, accompanied by me obviously as he is still a learner. The route involves fast dual carriageways and then winding country roads. I’ve said my nerves aren’t up to sitting beside him at 70mph on the A3 but AIBU? He thinks I am because he has been on similar roads with his instructor and had no incidents - and he says how can he get experience if I won’t let him.

@dcsp sorry I'm not arguing or necessarily disagreeing with you as obv it always depends on the driver, location and other things. This is my personal experience that's all.

When I learned to drive I lived in a county with no motorways, I didn't need to drive on one until years later as I then went to uni and didn't have a car

In fact Im not sure that my mum has ever driven on a motorway, it's not relevant to everyone by any means

I have't said it was. I was discussing it with regards to situations relevant to the OP.

Ok, but your comment that any good instructor would ensure one trip on a motorway suggests otherwise

yes that was a bit generalised but the OP is based very close to motorways and the discussion is about the A3 which changes to a motorway so I was really answering with that in mind and I thought it was obvious that if you live an hour away from a motorway then it's not feasible. I will word my posts more carefully in future!

I drove on the non-motorway sections of the A1 from Peterborough to Newcastle countless times as a learner, as it was a route I would be taking regularly once I’d passed my test. I was so grateful for all the practice and it meant I have never been weary or nervous on dual carriageways or motorways.

I took my test and had all my lessons in and around Stevenage. It was ALL roundabouts, not a single traffic light (this was 40+ years ago, I bet they have traffic lights actually ON their roundabouts these days). If my parents hadn’t been so generous with letting me practise in their cars, I’d have taken/passed my test without ever negotiating traffic lights!

The other “local” test centre was St Albans, which was ALL traffic lights and hill starts!

I don't even dare get in the car with my son on the road, as I know he won't listen to me and we will fall out. He's had about 24 hours of lessons. A bit of manoeuvring practice in some emptyish car parks is all I have been brave enough to endure!
I think it could be counterproductive if you are really nervous and probably best for the instructor to do this practice. Once he's passed, I am sure you won't stop being nervous though!

I was confused by the 70mph too I thought it was the same across the UK that they could only do 45! I do agree with them being restricted, however I do think on motorways r drivers should be able to do 55/60. I always think they are going to cause an accident having people flying up being them having to break quickly or cut into the next lane!

He has to travel at 70mph on his test otherwise he might fail! Not demonstrating knowledge of speed limits!!

its just as dangerous to go that slow on a motorway versus too fast, especially if the rest of the traffic is going at normal 70mph speed limit.

@GeorgeSpeaks I've been known to shut my eyes joining the A3 from the Hogs Back. Don't tell anyone!

You'll be fine op. I'm sure your DC is an excellent driver. And the A3 is an excellent teacher for any learner.

78 hours actually! A helluva lot I know but a) we didn’t have a manual car for DS to practice in until we bought one four weeks ago and b) when instructor told us to book a test we couldn’t get one due to the huge backlog! Finally got a cancellation for November - almost a year to the day since DS had his first lesson. Driving lessons here have cost £39 per hour so spent a lot on them but the car - a wee Hyundai i10 (18 plate) was much more - £7000 - and DS used his child trust fund to buy it.

one last question before Haslemere drive tomorrow - should I fit the passenger rear view mirror I have bought in readiness for his driving test (examiner requires it if you are sitting test in your own car)? Have never used it when supervising DS before so it remains in its box.

Take him one or two junctions on an A road to start with (I know he has done this, but for both of you to do together), another day some country lanes. Build up to the 1hr journey for both of you?

I would say try not to knock his confidence by saying no and good luck!

I would say it’s better for you to go with him the first time because by the sounds of it as soon as he passed his test, he’s going to drive there. I think your nerves will be worse thinking of him driving there on his own.

We're back! DS was fantastic and my nerves soon dissipated. It was a great experience for him - particularly about traffic merging and slip roads. People in Surrey (on the Milford - Haslemere windy stretch) were MUCH more considerate of L-plates than Londoners are - no tailgating whatsoever. Thank you all so much for encouraging me to go against my natural instincts and accompany him!

That's interesting, didn't know that, my granddaughter recently passed her test first time but because of where we live she had no motorway driving but loads of dual carriageway experience.

Woah, I'm shocked, as here in NI learner drivers are restricted to 45mph and also for a year after passing the test.

I remember fifty years ago my brother passing his motor cycle test on a 125cc and going out the next day to buy a 650cc Ducati, Mum was having kittens! The day after I passed my test, first time and no paid lessons, we sold the wreck I'd learned in and bought a Triumph Spitfire!

Great update! Well done to your DS and glad your nerves are ok 😃

Hes an idiot, nothing distracts a driver more than a nervous passenger

Well done, OP's son!

I'm glad you found other drivers were considerate.

The OP has posted a great update wherein she conquered her nerves as a passenger. She says her DS did brilliantly. My reaction is to applaud whereas yours is to criticise. Sad.

my post should have referenced @Doone22