To refuse to take my learner driver on fast dual carriageways

[Laundryandtoil]

DS is nearly 18 and has got a driving test booked next month. He’s had loads of lessons (think I’ve paid for 70 hours of instruction at least!) and his instructor says he is test ready and should pass. I bought him a little car a few weeks ago and I’ve been taking him out in it to practice. DS wants to drive to visit his grandma (my mum) an hour away, accompanied by me obviously as he is still a learner. The route involves fast dual carriageways and then winding country roads. I’ve said my nerves aren’t up to sitting beside him at 70mph on the A3 but AIBU? He thinks I am because he has been on similar roads with his instructor and had no incidents - and he says how can he get experience if I won’t let him.

DS did 21 hours on a residential driving 'holiday' and when I picked him up we had to go for a drive with his instructor.

We went from a village, to a town to a motorway outside Paris - he was 16 at the time - I practiced deep breathing but it was actually ok, he'd done the lessons and had actually learned to drive, have faith OP!

I don't understand your view. Clearly he's not test ready. Or else you wouldn't feel so anxious, unless you have chronic anxiety yourself? Ds1 was a nice little driver, we took him out lots, then paid for a few lessons. He passed. I had zero anxiety. Maybe you're better assessing why you do.

There are no narrow lanes - its a standard dual carriageway all the way through.

When you said the A3 I immediately was in agreement with you. Even though I would take any opportunity to escape from south London.

His instructor should have been taking him on dual carriageways otherwise once he passes his test he will be able to go on motorways with never having been on even a dual carriageway!

His instructor should have been taking him on dual carriageways

The op said his instructor has taken him on similar roads to the A3 so it sounds like he has been.

@JudgeJ driving instructors can take learners on motorways nowadays however most don’t do it that much because they are not usually on test routes . My daughter has recently passed and she only did the motorway once with her instructor .

My Dad used to let me drive on the motorways when I was a learner driver in his car, he said if the police stopped us because of the L-plates he’d say I accidentally took the motorway slip road and obviously couldn’t turn round at that point. He was a much better teacher than the professional driving instructor I paid a fortune to.

Dual carriageways and motorways have far fewer accidents on them than quieter A and B roads.

I take DS on duel carriageways and he's had about 15 hours of lessons. The more practice he gets the safer he will be on his own. I don't understand being afraid to be driven by your child but okay with them doing the same alone! DS is the most important person in my life.

Brings back memories. My instructor took me on the A3 to Guildford on my first lesson!

There will be nasty junctions/roundabouts/roads in all areas. It's much better that a learner who is almost test ready (AKA reasonably confident) gains practice with an experienced driver by their side rather than tackling these areas on their own after their test. It's all good practice. Ideally, they'd also go out with an experienced driver after their test (e.g. tackling motorways for the first time), but of course it's technically unnecessary if they've passed their driving test!

Clearly he's not test ready. Or else you wouldn't feel so anxious, unless you have chronic anxiety yourself?

Depends what you're like. My mother was usually a rubbish passenger, even with experienced drivers. She hated going on motorways with anyone and refused to drive on them except the Severn Bridge. She did her Advanced Driver before we learned to drive, but was never really a happy driver.

But surely he will only be doing 45mph?

@LLegendairy
Don't get me wrong, I actually taught her to drive at a driving center where you can safely learn how to drive on a mock set up, clutch control, mini roundabouts, parallel parking etc.
I taught dd, dsd and my dnephew to drive (getting used to the controls) at the driving center and then took them out on the roads when they started having lessons with an instructor.
I don't know what came over her this particular time but I do know it was terrifying!
Put me off getting in a car with her for a while 😁

Why?

Why would he do 45 in a 70?

I'm a very nervous passenger, but I did take my DC on the A3 when they were learning. They'd already been on it with their instructor, and were pretty good at merging into the traffic. Once you're on it, it's easier than a winding country lane. The blind junction between the Hogs Back and A3 at Guildford has been mentioned, and there are some other difficult slip roads closer to London of course, but once they've passed their test they will be out there by themselves. I'd have thought that after 70 hours of lessons they should be able to cope!

You have to drive the A331/A31 junction to get to the A31/A3, as well as the 4 lane part past the M3 from us.

I can only assume that those who find these junctions difficult are themselves nervous or inexperienced drivers.

@Userwithallthenumbers I'm inclined to agree with you... I regularly drive in this area (live in Surrey) and was only nervous of those junctions (and similar in other locations) as a new/inexperienced driver. They're not the easiest (e.g. the northbound A31/A3 merge) but they're absolutely fine as long as you take note of the merge signs and you're vigilant/keep an eye on the flow/pace of traffic as you approach and merge. A good driving instructor should teach these skills and practice (before and after test) will build on this. Avoiding areas like these will only lead to feeling nervous/a lack of confidence. Additionally, if someone is close to being test ready, they should be able to competently deal with tricky roads/junctions (even if they're a little nervous)!

Ah I see, I had visions of you never being in the car with her and the first time you did she drove like that 😂 it gave me palpatations just reading it!!

If you can't drive on the A3 past Guildford, to Haslemere, then you are not a fit driver to be driving at all.

I've driven A3, then A286.

And also A31, through Hindhead tunnel to Chichester many many times. Never an issue.

Because learners and R drivers can't do over 45mph

Of course they can

I never realised there was a difference in England. In Northern Ireland learners and R drivers have to do 45mph no matter what road they're on

If you argue doing 45 in a 70 then you are a dangerous driver.