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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to take my learner driver on fast dual carriageways

149 replies

Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 14:59

DS is nearly 18 and has got a driving test booked next month. He’s had loads of lessons (think I’ve paid for 70 hours of instruction at least!) and his instructor says he is test ready and should pass. I bought him a little car a few weeks ago and I’ve been taking him out in it to practice. DS wants to drive to visit his grandma (my mum) an hour away, accompanied by me obviously as he is still a learner. The route involves fast dual carriageways and then winding country roads. I’ve said my nerves aren’t up to sitting beside him at 70mph on the A3 but AIBU? He thinks I am because he has been on similar roads with his instructor and had no incidents - and he says how can he get experience if I won’t let him.

OP posts:
mogsrus · 24/10/2023 15:38

When DD passed she was taken on a motorway straight away as she started work the next day 20miles away. Absolutely nailed it, it gives confidence I think

paintingvenice · 24/10/2023 15:41

Check google for incidents and do it first at a known quiet time as a test run. Even if it’s not that particular bit of dual carriageway, look for a piece early Sunday morning so you can see him drive and get your confidence in him. He will need to do these pieces of road when he passes so best off to do it when you can control the experience a bit

2jacqi · 24/10/2023 15:41

i

Catza · 24/10/2023 15:45

Driving A3 as a learner is not an issue. The issue is typically a nervous supervisor. I drove with my then boyfriend and he kept squealing and attempting to yank the handbrake. It was a miracle the didn't end up having an accident. Pissed me off to no end and actually made the whole thing unsafe.
My current partner took me out in his work van on a similarly busy road with no issues. Calm as a cucumber and we got in a lot of practice and I felt very confident on my test. I was a lot older than your son but it isn't necessarily a good thing. Young people tend to be more confident drivers with better reaction times.

Nochoiceleft · 24/10/2023 15:47

@Mariposista don’t you think he’s had enough practice in all those hours of lessons? I didn’t take my daughter out to practice and she passed just fine.

HamBone · 24/10/2023 15:50

Driving A3 as a learner is not an issue. The issue is typically a nervous supervisor.

This is so true, @Catza My DH is a laid back personality, but strangely, DD said that she preferred practicing with me as he was always gripping the door handle and looking terrified.
Somehow I concealed my nerves better!

Reugny · 24/10/2023 15:56

OP tell him if he's driving to Grans he needs to be up and ready to go first thing on Saturday morning, when it gets light, so before the roads get busy.

And you will be the one driving back.

Original poster
Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 15:56

Thanks for all replies. We’d be driving from Wandsworth to Haslemere - so do have to do the nasty bit of the A3 at Guildford. I think the issue is more me than him - I am overly nervous but have so far managed to conceal this from DS as we’ve just been doing loads of City driving practice and haven’t gone over 40 mph.

OP posts:
SiblingFights · 24/10/2023 16:02

PuttingDownRoots · 24/10/2023 15:09

Its better to do it with a competent parent than a car full of teenagers.

Definitely this. Pretty much guaranteed that he is going to be out with his mates as soon as he passes, so better that he knows how to drive the roads really well as with a load of noisy mates / temptation to show off is not a great combination.

Reugny · 24/10/2023 16:05

OP The part of the A3 you start on starts at 30 or 40mph (depending on where you get on) it then progresses to 50mph and finally 70mph.

This means he will build up speed gradually.

(Lots of A roads leading out of London are like this.)

HeavenKnowsIamMiserableNow · 24/10/2023 16:11

I wasn’t always as windy about the HB/A3 junction but years ago as I was driving to the RSCH to be nuked, I just missed an accident, a motorcyclist joining from the HB to the A3 clipped a car and went under it. They got several doctors from the hospital out to the scene, eventually they had to amputate at the scene and the poor guy died anyway.

It has always haunted me on that junction ever since.

KnittedCardi · 24/10/2023 16:16

HeavenKnowsIamMiserableNow · 24/10/2023 15:14

As long as joining the A3 does not involve joining from the Hogs Back, I would consider it.

The HB junction despite all the efforts of SCC is dreadful, I have always been wary of it, and I have been driving for 34 years without an accident.

If it does involve joining from the HB I would say I will do that, we can pull in at the RSCH junction and then swap.

Hahaha, we can't avoid it. DD driving instructor took her on the HB every lesson, and into Gford. One of the test runs in Gford is along the A3, so they need to be confident. DD finally passed in Exeter, and DH's tells me it's even worse there! Oh, and shd now drives the M3 and the A303, so glad she got the practice around here.

ClockworkDisaster · 24/10/2023 16:18

i was an instructor for 7yrs. Learners generally find dual carriageways relatively easy. Just make sure he is looking well ahead and planning. The more fast speed stuff you can do with him the better. Fast roads are what often kill young drivers (especially country lanes) so the more practice he can get with an experienced driver the better.

On my 17th birthday my Dad took me out onto the A46 on my first lesson. Then that evening we went out for dinner with my school friends. I was on the A1 in the dark all the way there and back. No incidents.

InTheRainOnATrain · 24/10/2023 16:26

Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 15:56

Thanks for all replies. We’d be driving from Wandsworth to Haslemere - so do have to do the nasty bit of the A3 at Guildford. I think the issue is more me than him - I am overly nervous but have so far managed to conceal this from DS as we’ve just been doing loads of City driving practice and haven’t gone over 40 mph.

The Wandsworth one way system is by far the worst bit of that drive and he’s probably confident with that if you live locally!

Original poster
Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 16:28

@InTheRainOnATrain yes, very confident doing Wandsworth one way system - we encounter it on every drive 😂

OP posts:
TheHawkisHowling · 24/10/2023 16:29

There's no way he should be passing his test without thorough experience of driving on a dual carriageway.

If you can't supervise him, please find someone else who is willing to. This is basic stuff.

Cece92 · 24/10/2023 16:29

I had to use the dual carriage way during my lessons and my test. I'd much rather that than the roads I have to drive lol back country roads. Can you maybe ask someone to be there too? I think I'd be the same I'm a terrible front seat passenger. My recent ex was an awful driver and honestly my nerves were to bits in the motorway with him. He knew it we would laugh about it. I would try brake even though I couldn't 😂

DM23 · 24/10/2023 16:30

Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 15:56

Thanks for all replies. We’d be driving from Wandsworth to Haslemere - so do have to do the nasty bit of the A3 at Guildford. I think the issue is more me than him - I am overly nervous but have so far managed to conceal this from DS as we’ve just been doing loads of City driving practice and haven’t gone over 40 mph.

What nasty bit of the A3 at Guildford? Its a very easy bit of road if you're passing straight through (which you will be if you're heading for Haselmere)...and is dual carriage way all the way. It might be a bit congested - but then you'll probably be used to that coming from Wandsworth.

Original poster
Laundryandtoil · 24/10/2023 16:32

@dm23 I seem to remember narrow lanes around the old Dennis factory and the subsequent bridge but am probably wrong?

OP posts:
itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 24/10/2023 16:33

I wouldn't, the instructor has dual controls I assume.
I would practice first when it's quiet, Sunday morning.
Then if you're comfortable I'd do it.
When my dd passed her test we went on a ring rd (60mph) and she took off like we'd been fired out of a gun, it was absolutely terrifying, I had my hands on the roof of the car, she barely paused at roundabouts, my bum left left the seat every time she hit a bump.
I was actually screaming at her to pull over.
When we got to our destination I wouldn't get back in the car for the return journey.
Fwiw she's now a better driver than me

User562377 · 24/10/2023 16:35

I hear you. Ds is learning too and I'm a terrible teacher. I thought I would be okay sitting with him but I'm actually so anxious. And he's a good driver.
I wouldn't like it either, I'd rather pay a fortune for lessons than take him out myself.

InTheRainOnATrain · 24/10/2023 16:36

There really is no nasty bit of the A3 around Guildford either! The posters saying it’s bad are mostly I think referring to joining/exiting from other local roads which doesn’t apply to you or just talking about the traffic but compared to the Wandsworth stretch it’s nothing.

bullseyeboat · 24/10/2023 16:36

I never sat in the car with mine. That's what the instructor is for

Lucyccfc68 · 24/10/2023 16:45

After 70 plus hours with an instructor and a test coming up, there is absolutely no need for dual controls.

I took my son out in my car after about 20 lessons with an instructor. After a few hours, we were going on dual carriage ways and as many country lanes and winding roads as possible as well as roundabouts with loads of lanes and junctions. I now feel so much more confidence in his driving ability and has meant I haven’t worried as much now he has passed his test and goes out on his own.

I am going to spend the next few weeks teaching him to drive on motorways.

If you are anxious or nervous, then get someone else to do it, but he needs the practise.

Legendairy · 24/10/2023 16:45

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 24/10/2023 16:33

I wouldn't, the instructor has dual controls I assume.
I would practice first when it's quiet, Sunday morning.
Then if you're comfortable I'd do it.
When my dd passed her test we went on a ring rd (60mph) and she took off like we'd been fired out of a gun, it was absolutely terrifying, I had my hands on the roof of the car, she barely paused at roundabouts, my bum left left the seat every time she hit a bump.
I was actually screaming at her to pull over.
When we got to our destination I wouldn't get back in the car for the return journey.
Fwiw she's now a better driver than me

Maybe she needed to have gone out before she passed to get used to driving without her instructor? That definitely doesn't sound like someone who was ready to have passed their test as they should have been on the dual carriageways, ring roads etc together, how odd.

In RL I don't know anyone who hasn't gone out in their parents car before passing, its massively encouraged by instructors and examiners as well as on the DVSA information. My DS had never driven at night until we took him out as his lessons were daytime, I'm glad he could experience that before passing, for one thing he didn't remember to turn his lights on 🙈

My DS did way more driving with us than lessons, he passed with 0 minors and even took the test in his own car last minute due to an issue with the instructor. Examiner said they felt really comfortable in the car with him and could tell he'd driven outside his lessons. I totally get its nerve wracking, I am a terrible worrier but glad I did it in the end.