Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think that men (and women) should be careful with their interactions with children?

111 replies

Kala24 · 24/10/2023 09:53

I always just thought it was common sense that if you don't know a child, don't do anything that could seem weird! But maybe it's just my cynical mind?

Just got back from holiday with my boyfriend and another couple. On one of the days there was a girl in the pool playing on her own. She was throwing something to the other end of the pool and then swimming over to get it. She was about 6. The man from the other couple we were with got in the pool and started playing with her.. she wasn't English so they didn't speak to each other, he just took it upon himself to join in with her game. As she threw whatever it was she was throwing, he would swim over and reach it before her and then start laughing. He did this over and over for ages. It annoyed me because I just thought.. leave her alone? This young girl doesn't know you and is just happily playing by herself I doubt she wants some random 40 year old man coming over to her spoiling her game!

At one point her parents came over and also got into the pool so part of me is wondering if they also found it odd and wanted to keep their eye on her.

I don't know why he would do this. I'm not accusing him of anything at all, I genuinely think he was just trying to be friendly and make her laugh. But it can look creepy because unfortunately we do live in a world where there's sick people around and even I, as a woman wouldn't randomly start playing with a little girl I don't know, without asking her. It's weird!

Is it just me? When I was a kid my mum always told me not to talk to strangers and I would've felt scared if this happened to me as a kid. Although I appreciate not all kids are the same. I know that lots of people might say not everything is so negative and wrong, and he was just being friendly and nice and it's sad that people can't do something so innocent without it being misconstrued or seen as dodgy. But kids and parents have no way of knowing which people are just being nice and friendly and which have more sinister motives, so I would just never do this and would always be overly cautious. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't do it as a man. Is this not just common knowledge? I'm shocked that he didn't think it was inappropriate. I asked my boyfriend and he didn't see anything wrong with it although said he'd never do it himself.

Is this just me being OTT?

OP posts:

TomeTome · 24/10/2023 09:56

If the child was happy what was the problem?

RudsyFarmer · 24/10/2023 09:56

i think it really just proves the parents should have been parenting the child, and eventually they did just that.

Pertangyangkipperbang · 24/10/2023 10:00

No you're not being OTT .. l agree with everything you say.. although l wouldn't let a child that young in the pool or anywhere on their own.. we even get in the pool with our 8 year old Grandson .. ( even though he can swim).. same in parks / swings etc.. always sat or stood next to them. He won't talk to strangers anyhow ( ASD) he would just go near us and walk/ swim away).. but in this day and age you can never be too careful.. actually things happened in my day and age and I'm 65.. but it wasn't widely published then .

jiinglebells · 24/10/2023 10:00

Even with a language barrier the child would just stop / wander off / not engage if they didn't want to at that age surely?

Parents should have been very close by regardless especially if in a pool.

Not creepy from the man from the other couple imo.

Coffeerum · 24/10/2023 10:02

Surely if she didn't want him to play she wouldn't keep throwing it?

I don't think it looks creepy at all.

You sound like you live in quite an insular world.

Original poster

Kala24 · 24/10/2023 10:05

I don't think he was being creepy. I'm saying it could look that way and asking the question SHOULD we be doing these things? Was it completely necessary or appropriate to get in the pool as a 40 year old man just to start playing with a little girl who you don't know? This time there wasn't anything sinister about it, but the parents could be teaching her about stranger danger etc so I don't think it's right for other people to take it upon themselves to start unnecessarily interacting with children in this way. I thought that was just an obvious thing that everyone thought

OP posts:

Bellsandthistle · 24/10/2023 10:10

How many of us, as grown women, have done or said things when we were uncomfortable in order to “be nice”?

Abra1t · 24/10/2023 10:10

Coffeerum · 24/10/2023 10:02

Surely if she didn't want him to play she wouldn't keep throwing it?

I don't think it looks creepy at all.

You sound like you live in quite an insular world.

I agree.

Mollymoo223 · 24/10/2023 10:12

I think you are OTT. Unless he was touching her and coming up really close in the pool, I don’t see an issue at all.

WandaWonder · 24/10/2023 10:14

If all was OK then what is the issue? There can be endless 'yeah but what if' can be added to every single thing we do, why find something creepy when you don't have too?

I find that really odd and creepy itself

Coffeerum · 24/10/2023 10:15

@Kala24 Was it completely necessary

Do you only do things when it is completely necessary?

Is this post completely necessary?

Is it completely necessary to smile and wave at a baby in a pram?

Is it completely necessary to hold the door open for a stranger?

Just because some weird thinks something "could look creepy" (clearly you since you're the one who brought it up) doesn't mean it is creepy or inappropriate.

Frabbits · 24/10/2023 10:17

I've played with random kids in the past, however always as the result of the kid instigating something/wandering over etc while I've been with my own children and if a parent is around usually with a hello/etc just to check they are happy with the situation.

For better or worse, a random adult getting in a pool to play with my kids unprompted would be a cause for concern for me.

Photographsandmemories · 24/10/2023 10:17

I wish people here would not swear or blow up at children so much and I thought that was what this thread would be about.

(On the other hand I see parents letting things slide that they shouldn't, like taunting animals and dropping litter.)

Original poster

Kala24 · 24/10/2023 10:19

Coffeerum · 24/10/2023 10:02

Surely if she didn't want him to play she wouldn't keep throwing it?

I don't think it looks creepy at all.

You sound like you live in quite an insular world.

But whether she thinks the game is fun or not isn't the point though. I'm asking a question which is should we be careful when interacting with children. Or is it absolutely fine for strange men to go up to little girls they don't know and play with them without asking?

When I was a kid my mum worked in a pub. On Sunday mornings she would clean it and one day I went in with her. One of the men who worked there started playing with me and I loved it. He started chasing me around and it was so fun. I kept saying "chase me again". Every time I saw him I asked him to chase me. One day I ran into another room and he grabbed me from behind, put his horrible face on mine and kissed me on my lips. Nothing else happened but it was a fun game until it wasn't. That has no relevance to what I'm asking

OP posts:

Mummy08m · 24/10/2023 10:19

Yanbu at all op and personally I would have said something to your friend but it's done now.

As for pp saying "if the girl wasn't happy she'd have walked off"... words fail me tbh. It should NEVER be a 6yo's responsibility to safeguard themselves

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 24/10/2023 10:21

Is this just me being OTT?

Yep. Other nations don't see paedo motives in every interaction with children, ime.

Original poster

Kala24 · 24/10/2023 10:22

Ah okay, it seems like most people think I am being OTT then. Which is fair enough, that's why I asked the question tbh because I was curious as I thought everyone thought like me.

It's good to get other opinions and perspectives sometimes. Thanks for the replies!

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 24/10/2023 10:22

Yes it should be common sense- just like a child asking you to lift them onto the monkey bars of swing at the park- I don’t!

BoohooWoohoo · 24/10/2023 10:23

OP Many people don't call child safety stranger danger these days because kids are more at risk from people they know than strangers. Saying that, I'd imagine that it is very difficult for a lot to 6 year olds to get out of the situation of playing with an adult too.

Are you and the couple from the UK? I think it's very unusual for a grown man to play with a child that he doesn't know because of how it looks but I think that the parents should have been in the water with their child at that age too.

Mummy08m · 24/10/2023 10:25

kids are more at risk from people they know than strangers

That's only because they spend much less time with strangers. It's not because strangers are inherently more trustworthy

allsfairin · 24/10/2023 10:26

But how do you know they he hadn't already interacted with the child and parents and was carrying on that interaction?

Splishsplashsplooshsplosh · 24/10/2023 10:26

Honestly if he was throwing a ball to her in full view of everyone that's fine. Friendly. Nice. Getting really close or touching absolutely not. But he wasn't, was he?

TooBusyLiving · 24/10/2023 10:27

In his mind, he couldn’t imagine the girl not wanting him involved in her game. He didn’t ask, he just assumed he was wanted. Some men just don’t get it, it’s entitlement.

And yes, we should all be aware of our behaviour around children. I would be suspicious, especially of a man, engaging overly with my children. Most people realise this and just don’t do it.

No, it doesn’t mean he’s definitely a creepy fucker, but it does show a real lack of judgment and understanding of the issues and a level of self importance that’s off putting.

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 24/10/2023 10:28

I think you have a sad view of the world.

My DH is the type that if he was in the pool playing with nieces/nephews, all the kids in the place would end up joined in by the end, of their own accord. I would be sitting in peace away from all the children 😂There would be nothing untoward about it and he'd be careful to ensure there was no touching that could be misconstrued etc, he'd probably ask the parents if it was ok for them to play, he's very conscious of appropriate behaviour.

But, my point is, not every man that interacts with children has ulterior motives and to see them all havin so is a sad, sad, view.

Obviously safeguard and remove people that set your senses off or give cause to, but dont see it round every corner.

ManateeFair · 24/10/2023 10:28

It's not remotely creepy. The child's parents were present. If she didn't want to play, I'm sure she wouldn't have done.

Why are you going on holiday with this bloke if you think he's weird around kids?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread