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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ice cream van outside school

196 replies

MummyJasmin · 23/10/2023 17:03

It’s nearly November and we still have the ice cream van turning up outside primary school! I appreciate he has to make a living but can he not stick to summer or park up somewhere away from the youngest children?

You could maybe reason with an older child but a recently turned 3yo, is nigh on impossible! My lo finishes school tired and therefore prone to be irritable. I usually give in because I can’t be doing with the drama or attention from other parents - by drama I mean screaming and tantrumming etc! He parks in such a place where he cannot be avoided.

I rang my local council and they weren’t bothered. So long as it wasn’t a public protection matter he wasn’t doing anything wrong. The woman I was speaking to had thr audacity to suggest I needed to reason with my 3 yo…so wtf now it’s a parenting issue?! That’s not how 3yos are!

Ive sent an email to the school but I doubt they will do anything

aibu?

OP posts:
Bouncyball23 · 23/10/2023 18:16

Tell him no, how else will he learn that he can't have everything only thing he is learning is that if he tantrums he gets and believe me it's not something he will stop if it keeps working!!!

Bex5490 · 23/10/2023 18:17

Wonkasworld · 23/10/2023 18:06

😂

Show quote history

Oh FFs…

As a school leader this is exactly the type of bullshit email I get on a Monday morning and think oh fantastic. Forget the various safeguarding concerns of the vulnerable children in our school, forget making sure the children are getting a good deal in terms of their education, forget supporting our staff to do what is an increasingly hard job with budget cuts because an ice-cream van has decided to park across the road!

Just walk past it…headteachers really do have more important things to worry about.

Gidrich · 23/10/2023 18:18

MummyJasmin · 23/10/2023 17:40

She had only recently turned three. She had lot of medical issues in the 2 years following her birth. She actually isn’t spoilt. She’s never tantrummed about toys or sweets. It’s just when she’s tired she can be a bit of a ‘mare! Had the van been parked first thing or if we see it outside the park on a summers afternoon I’d be able to reason with her.

thank you for your post.

You don’t need to reason with her, you just need to say no. You have taught her to kick off if she wants something- this situation is 100% your fault and your responsibility.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 18:18

ReadingSoManyThreads · 23/10/2023 18:14

I've heard of nurseries yes. Wouldn't ever call where a 3yr old attends "school" though. Where I live some schools have these facilities but certainly not a common thing.

Show quote history

DTwins, same age as ops, literally go to his school but the nursery class. Same head teacher, shared all school assemblies, same uniform. Just like when I went to Nursery when I was little except the Uniform

Bex5490 · 23/10/2023 18:19

Sorry @Wonkasworld not aimed at you - aimed at the tell the headteacher person.

Babochan88 · 23/10/2023 18:20

Unbelievable to call the council on this man. Unbelievable

Wonkasworld · 23/10/2023 18:20

Bex5490 · 23/10/2023 18:19

Sorry @Wonkasworld not aimed at you - aimed at the tell the headteacher person.

No worries x

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:22

I’m pretty sure most councils have banned them from outside schools. Like they have banned fast food deals aimed at school kids too.

disgusting if your council haven’t

lanthanum · 23/10/2023 18:22

At one stage we had one turning up daily. Most of us deliberately didn't carry any money on the school run. I do wonder whether he'd have done rather better if he'd parked outside a different school each day of the week - if he'd only been there on Thursdays, some might have decided that Thursday was treat day, but with him there every day, it was better to never give in. I like the "is it Friday AND hot?" idea.

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:24

@Bex5490 if you are a school leader I’d hope you understand that for poorer families it can be hard to navigate not being able to afford things others have. And then there are parents who don’t care what their kids eat and they don’t have a nutritious diet. Which affects their ability to learn. Therefore an ice cream van outside the school isn’t ideal.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 18:25

jwilf · 23/10/2023 17:18

You are NOT being unreasonable. I bloody hate ice cream vans, even though I like ice cream. Yes, you can say no to your child. And then deal with the screaming meltdown that might ensue, which would have been completely avoided if the stupid ice cream van wasn't there.

I don't get why they are allowed to just park up wherever they like (quite often unlicensed) and sit there with their filthy diesel engines running for hours, pumping toxic fumes into the air right outside a school or playground. Why do we excuse them because they are "just trying to make a living?" Who cares? What if a van turned up outside your school selling overpriced Spiderman toys or Halloween costumes or literally anything else, would that be OK?

A few weeks ago I took my DS4 to a park and there was an unexpected ice cream van next to the car park. He screamed blue murder that he wanted an ice cream, I was going to say no but then a kindly old lady offered to buy him one, I couldn't really say no to that. The ice cream then proceeded to melt in the sun and drip all over the place, triggering another tantrum from DS. The whole situation could have been avoided if the stupid ice cream van wasn't there.

Rant over.

How do you going anywhere if you expect anything you don't want him to have to be magically out of your way?? We have one outside school, gutted it wasn't there for the mini heat wave but hey ho. Kids Inc 3 year olds told no. Same as I'd say no to Spiderman Toys from the Toy Truck or Halloween costumes from the costume truck. Just like I do in town of they want to go in Smyths or of the dodgy pop up shops. And yes, DT2 had an epic meltdown. Still didn't go in the shop. He learnt it doesn't work.

Melty ice creams are annoying but you just have to sit still, encourage them to eat it, and lick the drips 🤢############

Weedoormatnomore · 23/10/2023 18:26

How often are you getting your child ice-cream. Must be a demand there as no ice-cream can is going to park up somewhere if noone is buying his Ice cream. Bring a snack and give that to your child instead. I was told by my Granny if you can't tell your kid what to do when there young forget it when they are older as too late.

Wonkasworld · 23/10/2023 18:26

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:24

@Bex5490 if you are a school leader I’d hope you understand that for poorer families it can be hard to navigate not being able to afford things others have. And then there are parents who don’t care what their kids eat and they don’t have a nutritious diet. Which affects their ability to learn. Therefore an ice cream van outside the school isn’t ideal.

Then there are other parents, who have a backbone and know how to say no.

Bex5490 · 23/10/2023 18:29

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:24

@Bex5490 if you are a school leader I’d hope you understand that for poorer families it can be hard to navigate not being able to afford things others have. And then there are parents who don’t care what their kids eat and they don’t have a nutritious diet. Which affects their ability to learn. Therefore an ice cream van outside the school isn’t ideal.

I’m fully understanding of this but there is a sweet shop directly opposite our school. I’m not going to spend my time trying to get it shut down for these reasons. I’m just surprised sometimes by the things that people seem to think are the responsibility of the school or headteachers should prioritise.

Raisinganiguana · 23/10/2023 18:29

@Wonkasworld what’s that got to do with what I posted? We all know there are many bad parents out there, trying to protect our kids in easy ways is surely a win? Not having an ice cream van directly outside a school - easy health win.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 18:31

MummyJasmin · 23/10/2023 17:28

Thank you!

I wonder if so many of the amazing mums on here would be saying the same if there was a McDs outside their school?!

(Not so amazing are you lol)

Show quote history

But the issue with Maccies isn't the fact I'd be forced to give my child unhealthy food against my will, it would be about the traffic it would cause in the middle of an estate, and outside the school when we have enough issues with cars, and the greenbelt they'd need to build on / houses to knock down to fit it in. #
What I haven't done is called the council and asked them to close the Maccies I walk past on the way to / from school,# nor the Gregg's or Spar. I just tell them no.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 23/10/2023 18:31

My NDN who’s now relocated to another country for a couple of years used to have this battle with her 3 DC and always used to end up giving in. She did say to me “that ice cream van is always there!” But she got on such friendly terms with him that he invited her family to his house for a BBQ. In the park opposite the school there’s a cafe which sells ice creams too so she could never escape demands from her DC once they worked that out!

I now do think they should be allowed to park there (I started a post about this in the past but against it) but I appreciate it’s sometimes hard for parents to say no and for kids to plea for an ice cream especially as it’s opposite the school.

DiscoBeat · 23/10/2023 18:32

Set a day when they can have one and say no - 'friday is ice cream day isn't it' and move on.

MaggieMayNotBe · 23/10/2023 18:32

I sympathise with the not wanting to cause drama but in all seriousness, what's the worst that can happen if he tantrums? Get him to a safe place and let him scream and cry , ignore it and he will learn tantrums don't achieve anything.

CaroleSinger · 23/10/2023 18:32

We have one at our local school. The school actually own the land he parks on and charge him for parking there. He makes a fortune selling to the kids and the school make an income from him themselves.

Crazycrazylady · 23/10/2023 18:33

This reply has been deleted

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43ontherocksporfavor · 23/10/2023 18:33

OP watch Dogs Behaving Badly in Ch5. It’s not much different. He’ll learn.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 23/10/2023 18:33

lanthanum · 23/10/2023 18:22

At one stage we had one turning up daily. Most of us deliberately didn't carry any money on the school run. I do wonder whether he'd have done rather better if he'd parked outside a different school each day of the week - if he'd only been there on Thursdays, some might have decided that Thursday was treat day, but with him there every day, it was better to never give in. I like the "is it Friday AND hot?" idea.

Bit different if you have eg Apple Pay or a debit card linked to your phone.

MaggieMayNotBe · 23/10/2023 18:34

I like @DiscoBeat 's idea, may be that is worth a try? Ice cream is a nice treat for once a week.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/10/2023 18:35

As others said say no to your child

We have an ice cream usually Fridays but sometimes Wednesday

Happy to do one a week usually . Not two

So times I said no

I did when dd was 3

And do now when 6

They have to make a living and tbh prob won't be there after half term