Christmas Leave 'I have kids'

[paintityellow]

Yes I know this comes up every year, but it's so bloody annoying. The Christmas leave list went around in September, with it being specified that priority for Christmas Day would be given to people who worked it last year.
Despite this we now have a couple of people really trying to pressure others to give up Christmas Day because 'I have kids'. One of these women has had the last 3 Christmas Days off, the other's kids are teenagers. One of the people they're trying to pressure wants to fly home to spend Christmas day with her parents, Another has no family in the area so also wants to travel home for Christmas. Both worked last year.
AIBU to find this attitude infuriating?

Anyway I know MN don't like first come first served systems, but if a certain day/week off is so crucial to you, you get organised and book it early. That's what I did when my son was younger.

You sound like a lovely person ….. not . You think protection due to a disabled child is wrong ? What is wrong with you !

@HollaHolla Xmas 2020 and 2021 were AWFUL, so solidarity hugs to you. I was also single and childless, and ended up pressured into working both. I get shivers when I think about how lonely and dark those times were. We were basically forgotten about - by the government and by everyone else. The pandemic is what made me realise that single, childless people really don’t matter to society.

Good for.you have you ever actually worked Xmas day 🤔
Because I have many times when I was a nurse would you be prepared to work every Xmas day for people with young children ?
Because that's what would happen but yes you do you 🙄

It's definitively not cheap, it's not ideal, but ad-hoc nannies are available on Christmas day.

Are they really? I hear people say this about ad hoc childcare on here over Christmas, BHs etc all the time, but has anyone had success getting it recently? Like in the last year or two, while the sector's been teetering? I've never tried it myself so am interested to hear the experiences of others.

For those protesting and insisting Christmas is for children, does that mean you never intend to work on Christmas day? This year your child is 2, next year 3, the year after you've got two under 4, it'll be another 7 years before your youngest learns that father Christmas isn't real.
How long do you expect child free colleagues to work your Christmases for you?!?

Why do you think there’s some gulf. Wrong with that poster?

I was a single parent. To a disabled child. I had to change job and industry. Partly due to Christmas care.

My child isn’t the responsibility of someone else and doesn’t oblige other people to work around me.

The worst Christmas I’ve ever had was when I was in my early twenties and had to work Christmas Day. I lived away from my family and returning home to an empty house was awful and I felt so lonely.
I’ve since worked Christmas days with small children and it’s been fine. The house is full of laughter and I have a glass of wine handed to me as I walk through the door.
My children are now teenagers and don’t seem bothered that they spent a few christmases with DH being fed chocolate and playing games/building lego until I got home.
Everybody is entitled to a Christmas if they want one

No, I am saying that an entire business can not plan around one person because of their difficult circumstances.

What's wrong with you, demanding that everyone else cancel their plan to accommodate you?

All employees must be treated fairly and equally.

Until grandchildren arrive and they can start the cycle all over again. 😉

Wow, I hope you'll stand your ground!

That is a horrific story, but can you edit it with a TW please?

Again, it's no one else problem, and ridiculously entitled to expect people to cancel their plans because you have kids.

At worst, you can pay for childcare. It's definitively not cheap, it's not ideal, but ad-hoc nannies are available on Christmas day.

Alternatively, you can look for a job where you are not requested to work around Christmas.
I'd absolutely hate to work in a department where colleagues were so spiteful that they'd suggest a child spent Christmas day with a random and hoc nanny than try to find a way between them to make something work.

I don't believe that people with children should automatically get dibs on Christmas day, but do think there's a bit of basic compassion in trying to make things work if the alternative is a child is left with a random stranger.

Of course there are. You'd better plan early, and be expecting to pay a premium.

The more requirement you have, the more expensive it will be and for many people, it can cost more than they earn that day

Not everyone celebrate Christmas, and some people really need the extra cash, you can find a nanny in most places.

Kicking off/going to HR tells you exactly the type you're dealing with here

It does indeed, @SerafinasGoose, and it's sadly only too predictable among those who can't cope with the word no

I've been on both sides of this, first as an employee who gave and gave without even a thank you, and later as an employer who got utterly sick of trying to referee the tumult. No matter how lists were drawn up, all that mattered to some was that they got exactly what they wanted and got it NOW, even when it flew in the face of all reason

Frankly, those who consider managers weak if they hand over the list and leave staff to sort anything else themselves should try being on the receiving end of this toddler-like behaviour

@tfresh

Can you only have compassion for people with children?

When I was in my 20s / early 30s, I didn’t live near any of my family and would take time off at Christmas so that I can travel and not spend the entire festive period on my own. I was in an industry where this was never a problem, but if I had been I think I would have spent the entire period in tears. At least somebody with children would get to go home at the end of the shift to spend some time with their family.

Have you done it, or know someone that has?

I will not shop at the Co-op for several reasons related to my time as a Co-op employee, one of which was being compelled to work Xmas Eve through to NYE with only Xmas Day off when I lived over 200 miles from home and missing my maternal grandmother's last Christmas and New Year as a consequence.

Children are not the only family that matter.

I believe there will soon come a point when many, many childfree and childless folk stop being "skivvies" .
Good luck then because lots of workplaces can only make allowances to parents/carers because someone else will pick the work up.

The unfairness in many aspects lf life, including work, which often happens is being talked about quite more in last decade and while many still think childfree/childless have unimportant lives (alongside all the usual waffle about every aspect of their character), the folk is starting to defend themselves and are finding their voice.

That's not what happens ime,when I was young nurse I worked many Xmas days so those with kids could have the day off when it was my turn to have kids
Those same people would insist.that xmas was not all.about kids why should they work ,selfish fuckers

But stop it with the "spiteful".

If someone has no plan for that day, has help, yes they might be ok to give up their turn.

You cannot realistically expect everyone to cancel any plan they might have, never going away, never taking the kids they have on a Christmas holiday - the one year it was their turn to be off - because you think you are entitled to have that time off yourself.

It's outrageous that you expect them to find a way between them for you! They have a life, family too, having kids is irrelevant.

A whole business? No but as a team I can . One of my team members has the same days every year due to their child’s disability , it’s when she has no support so nobody else is allowed to have it . I made that decision as what’s best . Taking people’s individual needs in account is good , not abusing others ! If others have the same need I would account for them too . .its called Equity !

I still remember the year my childless colleague was nursing her husband through terminal cancer.

We all knew it was going to be her last Christmas with him, she had worked several Christmases in a row before that so her request for leave was granted.

It didn't stop a parent who was married and had her parents and inlaws on hand for childcare from having a massive rant about how selfish this colleague was to want a last Christmas with her dying husband, in front of her.

Spiteful can go many ways but I'm pretty sure that destroyed her basic compassion for adjusting her holidays to suit that particular parent.

So what happens if you have someone join who also needs that time, or one of your existing employee’s circumstances change?

I think priority needs to be given if possible to single parents of young kids/those with significant caring responsibilities.

They aren't more important but if they have no family support/childcare isn't open/carers are off then what are they expected to do?.