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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas Leave 'I have kids'

1000 replies

paintityellow · 23/10/2023 15:03

Yes I know this comes up every year, but it's so bloody annoying. The Christmas leave list went around in September, with it being specified that priority for Christmas Day would be given to people who worked it last year.
Despite this we now have a couple of people really trying to pressure others to give up Christmas Day because 'I have kids'. One of these women has had the last 3 Christmas Days off, the other's kids are teenagers. One of the people they're trying to pressure wants to fly home to spend Christmas day with her parents, Another has no family in the area so also wants to travel home for Christmas. Both worked last year.
AIBU to find this attitude infuriating?

OP posts:
Ffsnotaconference · 23/10/2023 18:03

This thread is quite eye opening.

Christmas isn’t for just about the children. If YOUR Christmas is just about your children. That’s simply your Christmas. Not everyone else’s. There’s no rule that how you do Christmas is the standard.

Your choice to have kids doesn’t obliges anyone else to work Christmas so you don’t have to.

Christmas isn’t only for people who believe in Father Christmas. A 6 year old who doesn’t believe doesnt trump a 6 year old who doesn’t. And no part of the ‘Father Christmas’ traditions does it state that if you believe your parents can’t possibly work that day.

If you know you can’t get childcare on Christmas Day, that’s your problem to solve. Not your colleagues.

I am a parent. I have was a single parent and the selfishness from some people on this thread is astounding

NunsKnickers · 23/10/2023 18:04

DragonFly98 · 23/10/2023 15:39

If you really think a six year old who still believes in Santa having a magical day with their parents isn't more important than a middle aged woman spending time with their also adult parents you are very selfish.

What does the age of the childfree woman have to do with anything?

Thewal · 23/10/2023 18:04

non Christians get to celebrate a Christian festival

Sorry to be the pedant but a Christmas is not just a Christian festival. It originated much earlier than that and was tagged on by Christians as they dominated the old religions. So Christians don’t necessarily take automatic precedence either.

OP it’s annoying but it’s not that much of a big drama? Someone begs or pushes, just say ‘no thanks’, end of. No one has to give in to anyone else, just ignore their requests.

LolaSmiles · 23/10/2023 18:05

The only time I wouldn't mind it is if 2 parents on 365 day shifts both ended up being put on rota for Christmas day, or a single parent with their child's father minimally involved gets put on Christmas.

At that point I think the fact they have children is relevant because it's shit for children to have neither parent on Christmas day.

daliesque · 23/10/2023 18:05

This reply has been deleted

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jannier · 23/10/2023 18:06

Acornsoup · 23/10/2023 16:55

I don't get people suddenly needing to be with family they haven't see all year. Do you only want to spend time with them at Christmas?

If you have a family member in Canada, one in Sweden, one in the north and you all can only manage to get to your parents at the same time on the Christmas break that is the only time you can all meet up it doesn't mean you don't care about your family or miss them. Your obviously lucky to have all your family on one continent.

Leah5678 · 23/10/2023 18:06

Christmas is all about the kiddies in my opinion you might disagree but when I didn't have kids I wouldn't mind working Christmas if I knew some kids were spending Christmas day with their parents.

Now smokers thinking they can take a break every half an hour is what REALLY annoys me

WonkyFeelings · 23/10/2023 18:06

Rotas need to be fair. It’s ok to ask for a swap, but to demand priority is not. Everyone’s lives are equally important.

Nevermind31 · 23/10/2023 18:07

Yes, but…. There is usually zero childcare available over the Christmas period, so if people need to rely on that then there is really nothing that can be done

rwalker · 23/10/2023 18:07

2 years ago we knew it would be my dads last and last year was my mum’s first on her own can’t see why a randoms kids I work with would of trumped that

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2023 18:08

People who try the 'I've got kids' line on my ward get very quickly shot down. As we all have a right to a Christmas. We always take our turn to work it. And everyone does their fair share of unsocial shifts.

Panaa · 23/10/2023 18:08

Acornsoup · 23/10/2023 17:50

@SwearyBetty I'm awful because I think someone in mental health crisis should not be in the work place. I think they should be getting the help they need?

Maybe they don't need 'help' though. Maybe they just want to do whatever they want to do to get them through the day.

Nanny0gg · 23/10/2023 18:09

fitzwilliamdarcy · 23/10/2023 15:12

YANBU at all! This is the bane of my life - I’ve worked the last seven Christmases because I’m the only one on my team without kids, and my colleagues are entitled as fuck.

I’ve refused this year and the screams of outrage could be heard from space. Two of them have gone to HR. It’s bloody ridiculous.

I just hate the attitude that some workers are inherently lesser.

I hope HR back you up!

bathrobeandpie · 23/10/2023 18:11

Everythinghasgonetoshit · 23/10/2023 18:03

Well I can either bring my kids or work then or call in sick. I have no holiday club because nobody will take my disabled son. Those are the options. My work have been pretty understanding so far luckily and know that this is out of my control.

Again, it's no one else problem, and ridiculously entitled to expect people to cancel their plans because you have kids.

At worst, you can pay for childcare. It's definitively not cheap, it's not ideal, but ad-hoc nannies are available on Christmas day.

Alternatively, you can look for a job where you are not requested to work around Christmas.

HollaHolla · 23/10/2023 18:11

I worked for 7 Xmas Days in a row, when I was in my teens and 20s. I worked in a hotel, and we all did a short shift. You got to choose 10-2, 2-6 or 6-10. No exceptions, except one year, an Irish girl who worked with us, got 4 days off to go home. No-one grudged her that, as she had worked there for years, and done her fair share. I liked to do the 10-2, then I had the rest of the day to relax, etc. My Mum & Dad used to just plan the dinner for after I was finished work.
I then worked in the NHS for 2 years, doing Xmas one year, and Boxing Day the next year. We all had to do one of 25/26 Dec, or 1/2 Jan (Scotland, where 2 Jan is a holiday....) There were always requests for swaps, but I didn't bother, as I lived close to my parents.

Now, I live 300 miles from my sister and her family. I'm single and childless, and spent almost 2 years without having anyone else in my flat, during the pandemic. If I still worked somewhere that you needed to take turns for Xmas, I'd be raging if it was assumed I'd just do it. So, when my parents are no longer with us, I'd not be able to get to my sister's after an Xmas Day shift. Unless you've spent your Xmas Day alone, cold, and sad, you don't get it. Xmas 2020 & 2021 made me want to just curl up in a ball and get under the duvet, because they were so very very awful. Maybe you people with kids like a lonely, depressing Xmas, but I don't. That means your wants and needs don't automatically trump mine, because you managed to be more fertile than me.

Euridicefortuna · 23/10/2023 18:13

DragonFly98 · 23/10/2023 15:39

If you really think a six year old who still believes in Santa having a magical day with their parents isn't more important than a middle aged woman spending time with their also adult parents you are very selfish.

My mum was resuscitated last year end of Nov and was still in a coma over Christmas. So you'll have to forgive for wanting to spend time with my mum this Christmas ( I am mid thirties).

I have worked Christmas for 17 years,think I've earned the time off.Dad's dead and no I didn't get to spend his last Christmas with him as entitled people that had children were able to take every Christmas off.People without 'little families' didn't get a look in as my manager shared your view !

You don't know when someone's last Christmas is,dad was 40 when he died and wasn't terminal .Stop being so selfish!

Insommmmnia · 23/10/2023 18:14

Oh goody the start of MN annual threads where some posters really enjoy coming out to tell childless people we are all worthless mean selfish people who don't deserve to celebrate Christmas even if we are actually practicing Christians

It's like a freaking advent calender to count down the days.

kokotheguerilla · 23/10/2023 18:15

My Dad often missed Christmas with us as kids due to his work in the military. I remembered this, and how much it upset my mother. Not so much me and my sibling, we don’t remember any Christmas until probably we were 8 or 9. No big deal, it was normal in our house to celebrate a day either side if we had to.

Aa child free NHS worker I often offered to cover Christmas for colleagues with children, but when my Grandmother was dying and I wanted to spend Christmas with her I got fuck all good will in return. I stopped offering to swap after that, and took every second Christmas off that I was entitled to.

My mother wants to spend Christmas with me and my sibling. We are her children. I don’t see why I should give that up for someone with a toddler who thinks their child is the most important thing in the world. Now, I get to spend it with DP every year because I’m in a job that doesn’t require bank holiday work and I’m grateful for that every year.

Your kids are the most important thing in YOUR world, not in anybody else’s.

The level of entitlement that a small minority of people on this thread is showing is breathtaking.

Acornsoup · 23/10/2023 18:16

@Panaa that's not a mental health crisis is it.

Tryingmybestadhd · 23/10/2023 18:17

why is this infuriating? A few years ago a company o worked for used to pay 50% more on Christmas Day of people swapped . It’s a fair incentive . I think it’s perfectly normal to w at to be home with kids on Christmas , Christmas is 90% about children . Nobody is forcing you to swap so I don’t see why you have to see it as infuriating

enchantedsquirrelwood · 23/10/2023 18:17

MargotBamborough · 23/10/2023 18:00

Barring Christmas or you or your partner being a teacher, I cannot imagine why anyone without kids would want to go away in the school holidays.

Me neither, unless there is a special event like a wedding. I am always surprised how many of my child-free colleagues go away in August, I don't think any of them are married to teachers!

KittyMcKitty · 23/10/2023 18:17

Hugosauras · 23/10/2023 15:34

Honestly, I think that it's pretty selfish that people won't prioritize someone else who has kids. Christmas is all about kids. And parents rightly want to be there for them. Before I had kids it really didn't matter to me what leave I had off around Xmas, as long as I had part of Xmas day off. I feel very differently now that I have children. Once they are grown up I would happily work over the Xmas period again in order to let others be at home with their young children.

Christmas is about different things for different people…

for some it may be about children, for some it may be about visiting family far away, for something t may be seeing elderly relatives who are alone, for some it may be about religion ….

Having children is not a Top Trump card by any means. If you choose to work in a profession which requires staffing over Christmas then you have chosen to work your FAIR amount of days which fall on Christmas Day - and that applies to everyone not just people with / without children.

Ffsnotaconference · 23/10/2023 18:17

Euridicefortuna · 23/10/2023 18:13

My mum was resuscitated last year end of Nov and was still in a coma over Christmas. So you'll have to forgive for wanting to spend time with my mum this Christmas ( I am mid thirties).

I have worked Christmas for 17 years,think I've earned the time off.Dad's dead and no I didn't get to spend his last Christmas with him as entitled people that had children were able to take every Christmas off.People without 'little families' didn't get a look in as my manager shared your view !

You don't know when someone's last Christmas is,dad was 40 when he died and wasn't terminal .Stop being so selfish!

This is so true.

My mum died early December 2021. Completely out of the blue. This time 2 years ago, we had no clue that we had already spent our last Christmas with her.

You never do know.

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2023 18:18

If it's my turn to work Christmas, I don't mind doing new year as well as I do t celebrate it at all. I did both last year.

TrashedSofa · 23/10/2023 18:18

LorW · 23/10/2023 16:15

Maybe the answer to it is to make nurseries and child care settings open for Christmas Day/Christmas period, I mean what do people expect parents to do if they don’t have any family to help.

That's not the answer, no.

For one thing they're mostly private businesses. The state doesn't dictate their opening hours. But also, there's never any 'just' about it when it comes to staffing things over Christmas. Because most people don't want to do it, and some of those who don't mind are unable to do so because things they need in order to work, such as transport and elder care, aren't available as usual.

So it's a problem that's very resistant to any solutions that involve more people working.

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