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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

119 replies

MrsBonkers · 23/10/2023 02:47

Going out for meal to celebrate someone’s birthday. They are not in a position to pay for everyone. Unsure of financial position of other people.

3 x couples
1 couple plus child
1 couple plus 3 children
14 in total

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.
AIBU And how can I suggest they word it?

OP posts:
DifficultBloodyWoman · 23/10/2023 02:54

Have you already invited them?

If yes, a message along the lines of ‘hi all, I’ve booked the table for 14 people at 7pm and I’ve pre warned the restaurant that we will all want separate bills but w will probably have to remind them on the night’.

If no, ‘Hi all, we are celebrating X’s birthday on Friday at 7pm, please let me know if you would like to join us. We’ve chosen NameOfLocalRestaurant because it has a range of prices so there will be something for every budget.

ChellyT · 23/10/2023 02:58

DifficultBloodyWoman · 23/10/2023 02:54

Have you already invited them?

If yes, a message along the lines of ‘hi all, I’ve booked the table for 14 people at 7pm and I’ve pre warned the restaurant that we will all want separate bills but w will probably have to remind them on the night’.

If no, ‘Hi all, we are celebrating X’s birthday on Friday at 7pm, please let me know if you would like to join us. We’ve chosen NameOfLocalRestaurant because it has a range of prices so there will be something for every budget.

These two examples are perfect!

Pre warn all invited that you've let the restaurant know that you'll all be paying separately.

Tourmalines · 23/10/2023 03:12

Don’t think it’s her party or her invite , but yea, the message above seems just about right .

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2023 03:50

Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them. Previously everyone would just slap cash down on the bill plate (whether it be equally split or pay for what you had), but now someone offers and everyone just pings them the money, it’s instant as electronic, and that person pays by card while not being out of pocket at all. Easy done.

MooFroo · 23/10/2023 03:54

how old are kids? Check first with restaurant that they will split bill on the day or take orders per couple or family?
with drinks etc it gets complicated so definitely a good idea to sort it and be clear beforehand

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2023 04:00

Sorry, also should have been clear. They won’t do seperate orders/bills per table as well as not splitting bills. Times have changed and they seem to hold the position of power these days, not diners as seem to be more willing diners than decent restaurant seats, started to shift oreCovid and now even worse.

DelphiniumBlue · 23/10/2023 05:01

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2023 03:50

Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them. Previously everyone would just slap cash down on the bill plate (whether it be equally split or pay for what you had), but now someone offers and everyone just pings them the money, it’s instant as electronic, and that person pays by card while not being out of pocket at all. Easy done.

I've never been to a restaurant that wouldn't split a bill, although I tend not to go anywhere top end, eg probably not more than £50 pp.
All my local restaurants (London) split the bill no problem.
But if it's likely to be an issue, ask the restaurant in advance.

rwalker · 23/10/2023 05:04

Whilst it might seem awkward all except CF will be secretly pleased at you broaching it

mondaytosunday · 23/10/2023 06:14

Most restaurants I've been to are happy to split the bill. Shouldn't be too hard for them to do it per family.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 06:23

Yeah just say - money's tight for us so we'll ask for a seperate bill.

CaineRaine · 23/10/2023 06:26

We eat out frequently with friends and have never encountered an issue asking for separate bills. Just tell them before you order, we’ve never had a problem.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 23/10/2023 06:29

Some places have QR codes and you order from your table, makes it much easier.

MidnightOnceMore · 23/10/2023 06:39

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2023 03:50

Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them. Previously everyone would just slap cash down on the bill plate (whether it be equally split or pay for what you had), but now someone offers and everyone just pings them the money, it’s instant as electronic, and that person pays by card while not being out of pocket at all. Easy done.

I've never been to a restaurant that wouldn't split the bill.

LovelyDaaling · 23/10/2023 06:40

In my experience, restaurants have always been prepared to split the bill.

Overthebow · 23/10/2023 06:43

Does everyone know they host won’t be paying for everyone? If so then a simple message with a reminder of the times etc and a short everyone pay for themselves will be fine. If not, then that may be a bigger issue as it really should be clear on the invite.

Delatron · 23/10/2023 06:49

It’s not the OP’s meal to sort out though and message about. Others maybe fine with a relaxed approach especially the host - it is their birthday. If it’s stressing you out then you may just need to say at the beginning of the meal that you’ll have a separate bill for your family. Others may be relieved and say they’ll do that too. Or they may just be happy to split.

ExcitingRicotta · 23/10/2023 06:53

I do think it’s unreasonable fretting about this in advance, it makes the whole thing much less fun.
When the bill comes if there’s any talk of splitting it rather than paying for what each different group had, just say ‘sorry I’m going to pay for what I had as it’s a lot less’ or say at the beginning the meal if you feel you must. Although, unsure which or the groups listed you’re in OP?
It might be nice to split you friend’s share though as it’s their birthday.

AuntieDolly · 23/10/2023 06:54

When you're ordering just tell the waiter "family 1", "family 2" etc and then separate bills are easy

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2023 06:58

mondaytosunday · 23/10/2023 06:14

Most restaurants I've been to are happy to split the bill. Shouldn't be too hard for them to do it per family.

I agree with PP. Very rarely will a restaurant near me do separate bills (understandably).

However the principle still applies - each party pays for their own, it's just worked out from the main bill; and someone assertive takes it on quickly.

Aprilx · 23/10/2023 07:01

It sounds like there is already an understanding that people will pay by family unit and everybody else thinks it will be fine on the night. I can’t see why you need to do anything.

Birch101 · 23/10/2023 07:01

Ah hate these types of scenarios I now tend to look at menu in advance work out how much my food + tip will be and take cash to cover that and then go to bar to order drinks separately when people ask why your going up and down I just try and say casually makes it easier to split the bill per order at the end. Also you can just go up quietly after you've finished your meal and pay for what you've had

Could also send a text with hi guys looking forward to seeing everyone on X, just to try and avoid any awkwardness we are on set budget so won't be joining in with table drinks and nibbles. So slap away my hand if I reach for your bottle!

Of hi everyone it's group meal time! Just to let you know me and hubby will being asking waitress for separate bill to make things easier at end of night x

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2023 07:01

AuntieDolly · 23/10/2023 06:54

When you're ordering just tell the waiter "family 1", "family 2" etc and then separate bills are easy

I've never been anywhere that would do this.

It's not easy for the restaurant, it's a PITA.

I'll never understand this on MN. For any group I've been with, the bill is sent around & everyone checks their order, and amount, having broadly known what the cost of their meal was & then adds in extra for a tip.

Sometimes one person pays & others transfer the money immediately.

In younger child free days we did just split evenly but most people ate & drank the same, wouldn't be the case now.

I do agree with OP about making it clear that the person having a birthday is not paying for everyone!

LilyLemonade · 23/10/2023 07:06

Should really be made clear at the moment of inviting so that people can accept or not accordingly - but in any case I would not wait until the actual meal.

Perhaps the person can say ‘’Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday - drinks are (or dessert is) on me’, this subtly hinting that food is not.

Otherwise I think it might be best to actually call each invitee and check that splitting the bill is ok for everyone.

Cnidarian · 23/10/2023 07:06

How odd, I don't recall ever going to a restaurant that wouldn't split the bill.

DuploTrain · 23/10/2023 07:06

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay.