AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

[MrsBonkers]

Going out for meal to celebrate someone’s birthday. They are not in a position to pay for everyone. Unsure of financial position of other people.

3 x couples
1 couple plus child
1 couple plus 3 children
14 in total

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.
AIBU And how can I suggest they word it?

Separate bills are a massive PITA for restaurants and I understand why they don’t want to do them, especially if it’s like 10 people all wanting their own bill on a table of 10.

Separate bills is pretty standard in other countries though so the technology definitely exists, not sure why it’s not made it over here.

For example, I lived in Canada for several years and separate bills - so one for each individual - when out in a group was actually the default option unless you specifically asked for a joint bill, it was bloody great; they had no issue with the size of your group either so 10+ etc.

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.

Don't take a chance it will 'work out on the night' As for saying the four children won't cost much, it depends whether they're two or twelve years old!

A quick group text is ideal: hi all, looking forward to seeing you at the restaurant to celebrate Simon's birthday - as we're all paying for our own families, why don't we all chip in for a bottle of bubbly to toast the birthday boy? What do you think? Cheers!

Can't you just say "we'll split the birthday person equally between us and can everyone keep a running total of what they have to make it fair at the end".

Isn't there a bill splitter app? Pretty sure someone mentioned this on a similar thread.

Why not split between 5 couples , 4 kids won’t eat drink/much and cost is split over the 5 couples

Isn’t this exactly what she wants to avoid? 4 kids under 2 who eat off their parents plate and bring their own drink won’t cost much. 4 teens could easily cost more than an adult. It’s also highly annoying, even without the kids,, when you’ve only ordered a pasta main and tap water, specifically because you are skint, to have someone who has had 4 courses plus wine, plus coffee, plus brandy announce that you owe them £160 for your “fair share”.

"Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them."

Pmsl 🤣 of course they will. "In this day and age" the tech does it for them.

"I've never been anywhere that would do this.

It's not easy for the restaurant, it's a PITA."

Bollocks. The machine does it for you, it couldn't be easier 🤣

If one of you has an iPhone then the app is called Splitwise and is free.

I’d send a message saying that you’re happy to all pay for your own meal and drinks and then split the birthday persons bill between the rest of the adults.
And how do they feel about it.

This is a really good idea!

I’ve always split the bill and restaurants have never had any issues.

Some you need to remember what your order and pay separately afterwards or some you can order and pay separately before the meal is served (usually pub type places).

I always take some cash too, so if we’re all putting in for the birthday persons meal it’s easier to do if everyone/most people have cash.

‘Hi everyone, really looking forward to the meal and all being together. To avoid confusion, let’s set up the tab on a family by family basis? OK with everyone? ‘

The difficulty is that then the poor birthday person gets their ‘tab for one’: if I was one of the family I would put their bill on mine and treat them.

I’d just say to waiter “separate bill for me, please”, at the table.

Equal split isn't fair as there will be parties ranging from a family of five to a couple.

YANBU

Sorry, I meant equal per person, definitely need to be sorted in advance! But I think most people will want to just pay for what they order.

Thanks for some great wording suggestions.

Birthday is for a family member who invited, then got confused messaging and passed it onto me, hence not sure financial situation or payment expectations of those attending. I know that when you're on a tight budget, group meals can be worrying. I'll be paying for birthday person and their partner. Kids range from 5-15yrs.

I've messaged:
blah blah time, venue etc. ...Due to range of group sizes/ages of kids, I asked the restaurant if they could give us separate bills. They said to ask on the night, but suggested ordering our own drinks at the bar.
Looking forward to meeting everyone.x.

I think though the birthday person thinks it will work out and doesn’t really want someone else dictating what everyone else does at their birthday meal?

It’s absolutely fine for the OP to state they just want to pay for their own family. But I don’t think they get to dictate what others do? Especially the person whose birthday it is and who has organised this. They have stated their preference and it’s their event

Ok just read your update. If they’ve passed it on for you to organise then fine

@Delatron agree, I'd normally keep out of it.

Just a word of warning - following on from @BotanicalNames suggestion of everyone paying off their reckoning on the table staff's card machine...If everyone rounds up by 10% for tip, and the last guest is unscrupulous, the waitress says there's nothing more to pay (because the 10%s have added up to one meal) and mr/ms stingy says nothing and has a free meal, with the tip. I've seen it happen...

@EnjoythemoneyJane
You’re suggesting that someone is a dick for just paying their share of the bill and saying it at the time of paying?!

@Greenberg2
If someone feels embarrassed asserting themselves over this I’d suggest they’re dining with the wrong people. Especially if the variation in bill is significant enough to cause financial stress - perhaps better go out for dinner with people who don’t make you feel like this? And if it’s so hard to say then just excuse yourself at the end and pay your share directly.

@pipsquiggle
Which bit of me clearly stating that it’s fine for people to pay their fair share do you have a problem with?

Honestly this thread is a bit depressing. The idea that so many people expect other people to be unkind or difficult about splitting a bill accurately, rather than evenly, is really sad.

As an aside, never seen UK restaurants calculate bills by person as I know is common (and v useful!) in other countries, but it’s really not that difficult with a phone calculator.

If they're trustworthy then one person pays. Download the Tab app. Then you just list all the different groups (couple one, couple 2 etc), photograph the receipt and just allocate everything as appropriate. For things like bottles of wine you can allocate them to multiple people. You can either split the tip evenly or just allocate the food and drinks and more the tip,percentage and it splits it proportionally.

We used it after a night out recently and it honestly took me 5 mins to figure out how to use it then 5 mins to split everything fairly. We had a nightmare scenario- lots of different financial situations, singles, couples, families, carnivore steak eating drinkers and vegan tee totallers and a non drinker who ordered £10 mocktails and someone who could only come for the main.... would have been hellish. Took 5 mins and they all just sent me the money.

Here's a video. My daughter got me into it- she's a uni student who spends lots of time with friends who are all very different in what they eat and spend
vm.tiktok.com/ZGJwgvx7F/

Agree with others. Most restaurants won't issue separate bills per person/family for the same table but are usually more than happy to take multiple payments on the card reader, and in fact the last couple of places I've been to there's been a note on the bottom of the bill that tells you what the amount per person/unit would be assuming an even split.

In terms of managing this particular event, surely it's not difficult for most adults to keep a v rough running total in their head of what they've eaten? And for those that can't, we've all got phones, just tot it up as you go.

Communication wise, your update clearly tells the other attendees that the expectation is separate payments for own consumption, so I think you're good to go.

Um … no, that’s not actually what I said, is it @ExcitingRicotta? I said you ‘may look like’ a bit of a dick for derailing the bill splitting once it’s in progress, especially if everyone else is happy with an even split (or pretending to be).

Your attitude is very strange. You think mentioning this up front so everyone knows where they stand is somehow taking the ‘fun’ out of the evening (??!!) and it’s ‘depressing’ that everyone’s not advising the OP to leave it to chance. When she’s obviously asked for help because that’s exactly what she doesn’t want to do!

Managing people’s expectations is not because you’d expect them to be ‘unkind’ or ‘difficult’, it’s actually to avoid confusion in the moment which could lead to awkwardness or embarrassment, or guests feeling obligated to pay more than they expected or can afford. The number of threads that pop up along these lines suggests it’s a fairly common occurrence.