AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

[MrsBonkers]

Going out for meal to celebrate someone’s birthday. They are not in a position to pay for everyone. Unsure of financial position of other people.

3 x couples
1 couple plus child
1 couple plus 3 children
14 in total

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.
AIBU And how can I suggest they word it?

Nice bit of ingrained snobbery to presume that being a waitress is something to be ashamed of.

No one mentioned being a waitress is something to be ashamed of.
No ‘ingrained snobbery’

It was implied by Seaweed when she said it was sexist to assume the waiter/waitress was a woman. The only way that could be sexist is if being a waiter/waitress was seen as a lowly position that was only fit for a woman.

Really.
2 + 2 = 5

At least you have learnt that things don't have to be said, they can be implied.

So whatever 2 plus 2 makes, it's been an enriching experience for you.

Thats rude.
See ‘ I ‘ understand implied speech.

Yes, I taught you well and you learnt quickly.

Although the rudeness was sarcastic so perhaps it was insinuated more than implied.

But I still think your reply was better than mine, so I'm going to admit defeat.

I've been on quite a few dates where the guy has asked to 'take me out' and then wanted to split the bill after ordering meat starters and mains and I've had the cheap veggie option and less to drink than him - I seethe but I just can't seem to say anything at the moment as it feels petty.

When I go out with friends I find that someone usually does a quick sweep to double check people have ordered similar amounts and anyone who did order a starter desert and sides and expensive wine usually owns up and offers to pay more, any non drinkers are invited to pay less (when I was pregnant I usually drank non alcoholic gin so usually declined the offer as it's basically the same price!)

We just split the bill. Who cares if someone spent €10 more. Friendship is more important.
Only once in my long life has someone wanted to pay their own, saying she only had one glass of wine out of the bottle...well, so did I but she steadfastly held her corner and I just paid for the shortfall. Never asked her to join us again.
Go places that are affordable to all, that's the key.

Sometimes it isn't always the difference of £10. In my experience some people would have starters, expensive main meal, dessert, coffee, cocktails and wine. Not everyone can eat 3 courses and not everyone drinks alcohol. I'd prefer friends who didn't take the piss.

I'm with you on both points.

Go to a place that the poorest member of the group can afford.

Never eat out with people who want to count every penny. They always put a downer on the evening.

Hi
DH and I will stick to paying for what we order on Saturday night. Look forward to seeing you all x

Them let everyone else sort themselves up. If there’s one bill add up what you’ve ordered add your tip or service charge and ask to pay that amount in your card.

Agree. But for some reason it’s not a popular opinion on Mumsnet. We just split in our circle of friends. I don’t sit there thinking ‘oh Sandra had the steak and an extra glass of wine’.

I view that it all comes out in the wash and tends to even up. Nobody takes the piss.

We just split in our circle of friends. I don’t sit there thinking ‘oh Sandra had the steak and an extra glass of wine’
I split with one group of friends but another group are vegans and don’t drink much so each couple pays for what they’ve had. If we split with them then we’d be CF’s.

Sure if there’s massive differences like that. See also pregnant friends, people driving and not drinking.

My issue has been that it’s not a group of friends, it’s a group of people that know the person, but not each other.
it’s a chain, so I’ve forwarded the menu too.
You never know what people are going through behind closed doors, whether financially or with their mental health, so anything I can do to make things easier is fine with me.
Each couple has replied on the message thread with ‘cheers for sorting, looking forward to it’ type message, so all good.

Never eat out with people who want to count every penny. They always put a downer on the evening

Dear oh dear, how dreadful that some people don't have very much money. Even the cheapest place is no good if someone has three courses and someone else only has one.

Or that they don't want to subsidise CFs.

I've had the no separate bill thing - on an occasion when I'd done into a full restaurant and a couple had invited me to share their table for 4 people.
Central London, mid priced Indian.
Should be easy enough to check with the restaurant in advance.

This is why I always took cash when I was single and offered to pay my share.
Some men love going around claiming women that don't split the bill are gold diggers, when in reality most women do drink and eat less than men.
I am 100% ok paying ful bill for my DH but not some bloke I just met. And men can sniff woman with money much beter than woman on pms days