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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

119 replies

MrsBonkers · 23/10/2023 02:47

Going out for meal to celebrate someone’s birthday. They are not in a position to pay for everyone. Unsure of financial position of other people.

3 x couples
1 couple plus child
1 couple plus 3 children
14 in total

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.
AIBU And how can I suggest they word it?

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 23/10/2023 07:06

In my experience the server usually just walks around with the cardreader and asks each person how much they are paying. It's never been an issue.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 23/10/2023 07:14

Tell the group in advance about wanting to split the bill. Don't do it after you have eaten.

Also many places are happy for you to pay separately but expect you to work out what you have each had.

Hellenabe · 23/10/2023 07:15

I assume its your DH or close whose birthday it is, and the rest have form for getting you to cover it?

MarathonBarbie · 23/10/2023 07:16

Never had an issue with a restaurant splitting a bill, either by taking the card reader round separately asking how much each is paying or issuing separate bills. Seems to be more common in my experience with them asking at the point of ordering now than before.

Guavafish1 · 23/10/2023 07:16

Do it

LolaSmiles · 23/10/2023 07:18

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay
That's what we always do.
I never ask for separate bills. One bill comes out and we either split or pay for what we had, depending on the group and meal.

Bellyblueboy · 23/10/2023 07:36

It also depends on how the initial invitation was worded.

most people will not expect the birthday boy or girl to buy everyone dinner.

for my 30th I paid for the drink at the table and let everyone split the food. But that was a nice surprise for people, it wasn’t expected. The table for about twenty people. I could not have paid the full bill!!

Sparehair · 23/10/2023 07:42

I think maybe people are conflating splitting the bill and separate bills on one table, hence the disagreement. I agree splitting the bill when the card reader comes round has always been fine. Separate bills are a massive PITA for restaurants and I understand why they don’t want to do them, especially if it’s like 10 people all wanting their own bill on a table of 10. I went to a v popular pub for lunch yesterday and I noticed on the booking confirm that it said “no separate bills” ( more politely but to that effect). I imagine it just takes up staff time for no benefit

EnjoythemoneyJane · 23/10/2023 07:42

ExcitingRicotta · 23/10/2023 06:53

I do think it’s unreasonable fretting about this in advance, it makes the whole thing much less fun.
When the bill comes if there’s any talk of splitting it rather than paying for what each different group had, just say ‘sorry I’m going to pay for what I had as it’s a lot less’ or say at the beginning the meal if you feel you must. Although, unsure which or the groups listed you’re in OP?
It might be nice to split you friend’s share though as it’s their birthday.

This is exactly the scenario in which people get embarrassed and pissed off because they’ve ended up feeling obliged to subsidise some teenager’s fillet steak when they’ve only had a salad because that’s what they can afford!

If someone takes the bill at the table and just starts doing a straight split, anyone who objects in the moment could look like a dick and make everyone feel uncomfortable. What’s fun about that?

It’s perfectly reasonable and sensible to manage expectations up front to avoid exactly that situation. There are good suggestions here that allow the OP to do that in a way that’s not heavy-handed.

Meeting · 23/10/2023 07:51

In this situation if you are not prepared for an equal split of costs (likely to happen if people won't discuss beforehand) I'd just bring enough cash to cover your own if they don't want to sort it out then you put down what you owe and let them sort the rest between them.

TeeBee · 23/10/2023 07:56

I'd offer to pay the whole bill upfront but get everyone to write down what they order. Then send everyone their total (including their share of the tip) and your bank details afterwards. That's what we've taken to doing recently and it saves a lot of faffing at the restaurant. Of course, that's assuming you have the money available to cover the cost initially.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 23/10/2023 08:15

DuploTrain · 23/10/2023 07:06

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay.

Exactly this - I've never been anywhere where they've refused to do this either.

In Germany they actually ask you proactively if you are paying separately or together!

enchantedsquirrelwood · 23/10/2023 08:18

TeeBee · 23/10/2023 07:56

I'd offer to pay the whole bill upfront but get everyone to write down what they order. Then send everyone their total (including their share of the tip) and your bank details afterwards. That's what we've taken to doing recently and it saves a lot of faffing at the restaurant. Of course, that's assuming you have the money available to cover the cost initially.

All that happens then is that people will "forget" to send the original person their share. Much easier to giver someone cash, or for the waiting staff to go around the table and take a share on each card.

WhereDoYouGo1 · 23/10/2023 08:26

I wouldn’t want to be the one who paid the whole amount then everyone pays me. You would bound to be out of pocket. Someone would forget or a few people would send the wrong amount, not deliberately, just not calculated properly. I go out a lot with big groups and it only works if everyone pays the same eg a set meal then split the drinks.

LoveHearts69 · 23/10/2023 08:26

Yes, this! I don’t understand why it’s so complicated? Before I had a child we’d generally just glance at the bill, round up a little and split equally between couples but now I make a point and say I’ll pay a little extra as we have DC’s meal to pay for too. Sometimes if we’ve had less drinks due to parenting a toddler then the others will insist just to split it equally again as it works out the same though…but we’re all overly fair and no one in any groups I seem to go out with is a CF 🤷🏻‍♀️

Greenberg2 · 23/10/2023 08:32

EnjoythemoneyJane · 23/10/2023 07:42

This is exactly the scenario in which people get embarrassed and pissed off because they’ve ended up feeling obliged to subsidise some teenager’s fillet steak when they’ve only had a salad because that’s what they can afford!

If someone takes the bill at the table and just starts doing a straight split, anyone who objects in the moment could look like a dick and make everyone feel uncomfortable. What’s fun about that?

It’s perfectly reasonable and sensible to manage expectations up front to avoid exactly that situation. There are good suggestions here that allow the OP to do that in a way that’s not heavy-handed.

Show quote history

I agree with this. It's not much fun for the people on a budget to fret about how much they'll end up paying at the end if someone insists on splitting the bill or if they do assert themselves feeling embarrassed about it. Much better to be upfront and there's absolutely no issue on the day.

Incidentally some people are such CFs though that they somehow miscalculate how much their meal costs so when the cardreader goes round there's mysteriously not enough on the total to cover the full bill (including service charge) so someone else's tip actually ends up covering another person's bill.

Miyagi99 · 23/10/2023 08:33

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2023 03:50

Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them. Previously everyone would just slap cash down on the bill plate (whether it be equally split or pay for what you had), but now someone offers and everyone just pings them the money, it’s instant as electronic, and that person pays by card while not being out of pocket at all. Easy done.

I’ve never been to a restaurant that hasn’t let you split the bill. They should work because you’re paying them. We usually just up the tip to compensate. With cards it’s really very quick to pay separately.

Miyagi99 · 23/10/2023 08:34

MooFroo · 23/10/2023 03:54

how old are kids? Check first with restaurant that they will split bill on the day or take orders per couple or family?
with drinks etc it gets complicated so definitely a good idea to sort it and be clear beforehand

I just pay for drinks at the bar, much easier.

KoalaKube · 23/10/2023 08:35

I can see issues looming with the couples with kids. Will they pay 5 shares/3 shares I bet the argument will be kids don’t drink (alcohol) Kids eat less - well depends on their ages So in this scenario separate bills is the best way. Or dare I say someone whip out a calculator!

Miyagi99 · 23/10/2023 08:40

KoalaKube · 23/10/2023 08:35

I can see issues looming with the couples with kids. Will they pay 5 shares/3 shares I bet the argument will be kids don’t drink (alcohol) Kids eat less - well depends on their ages So in this scenario separate bills is the best way. Or dare I say someone whip out a calculator!

just tot up what your family has spent and pay that (with tip) on the card reader when it comes round!

Pipsquiggle · 23/10/2023 08:41

EnjoythemoneyJane · 23/10/2023 07:42

This is exactly the scenario in which people get embarrassed and pissed off because they’ve ended up feeling obliged to subsidise some teenager’s fillet steak when they’ve only had a salad because that’s what they can afford!

If someone takes the bill at the table and just starts doing a straight split, anyone who objects in the moment could look like a dick and make everyone feel uncomfortable. What’s fun about that?

It’s perfectly reasonable and sensible to manage expectations up front to avoid exactly that situation. There are good suggestions here that allow the OP to do that in a way that’s not heavy-handed.

Show quote history

@EnjoythemoneyJane completely agree.

@ExcitingRicotta just read back on your reply and think how stressful it is for those with not much disposable cash to go out with you. Talk about tone deaf 🙄

mrsm43s · 23/10/2023 08:42

If I couldn't afford to pay for all and it was my birthday, in this scenario, I would split the bill by the people going with children eating off the kids menu counting as half. So 8 x 1 =8(adults) and 4x0.5 =2(children)=10 total.

So 3 couples pay 20% of the bill each
Family of 1 adult 3 children pays 25% of the bill
Family of 1 adult 1 child pays 15% of the bill.

Since the birthday host isn't paying for food for their party, I would assume that they'd at least pay for 3 or 4 bottles of wine for the table plus arrange for jugs of water on the table. Anyone wanting any extra drinks orders separately at the bar.

But actually, in our friendship group the bill would probably be paid for by the host, or split equally (but no-one would take the mickey or eat and drink to excess, and people having an extra course etc always offer to chip in more).

bronkie · 23/10/2023 08:43

Many restaurants do an automatic service charge for parties of 6 or more hence why they may not want to split bills for you.

Miyagi99 · 23/10/2023 08:49

bronkie · 23/10/2023 08:43

Many restaurants do an automatic service charge for parties of 6 or more hence why they may not want to split bills for you.

Makes no odds to them as the bill is one bill, they just go round the table with the card reader and each group/individual pays for what they’ve had.

Jethia · 23/10/2023 08:50

DuploTrain · 23/10/2023 07:06

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay.

Yep. Been doing this for years. Never been anywhere that refused this