Adult Child address

Boobsallgone21 · 2023-10-22T12:10:18+00:00

My adult child has left partner moved out of their home amicably and moved in with a friend. I asked for address just to know and has given me an area. Said I wasn’t going to turn up. AIBU ? Our relationship is at a distance- their choice. Split was a shock to everyone else and no particular reason told. I walk on eggshells with every conversation and all I want to do is support and love.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 22/10/2023 13:11

My money is on your child moving in with affair partner and they don't want you to know.

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 13:12

They don't want you to have their address. That's fine.

Original poster

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:13

My thoughts too. Thanks thought I was being dramatic.

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 22/10/2023 13:14

What's the backstory, it sounds like it's relevant?

Why is your relationship at a distance and why would they want that to suddenly change?

Original poster

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:15

Always very private and said became distant while working through marriage.

OP posts:

melj1213 · 22/10/2023 13:21

Why do you need their address though?

Surely they were just telling you as an FYI that "DP and I have split up and I've moved out of our mutual home but am house sharing with a friend, no need to worry about me sofa surfing/being homeless" rather than because they want you to know exactly where they're living or asking questions about their relationship.

Sparklesocks · 22/10/2023 13:23

It’s hard to say who is BU without knowing the ins and outs of your relationship- but all you can really do is be supportive and make it clear you’re there for them.

Original poster

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:25

I don’t need address and completely understand your reply just think it strange that it’s all so secretive and I don’t ask any questions re relationship as I don’t get any answers. I suppose I want reassurance that they are safe and happy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:26

Thank you that’s what I have said. Good to hear other people’s thought.

OP posts:

melj1213 · 22/10/2023 13:26

You have a distant relationship though, so clearly they don't want you having all of the information and you have to respect that.

Hiphopopotamonster · 22/10/2023 13:27

melj1213 · 22/10/2023 13:21

Why do you need their address though?

Surely they were just telling you as an FYI that "DP and I have split up and I've moved out of our mutual home but am house sharing with a friend, no need to worry about me sofa surfing/being homeless" rather than because they want you to know exactly where they're living or asking questions about their relationship.

Mumsnet is weird sometimes! As if in the real world it’s normal not to have your adult children’s address 🙄

Totaly · 22/10/2023 13:27

If you want to know if they are safe and happy - why not ask those questions instead of an address which tells you nothing?

theduchessofspork · 22/10/2023 13:28

I wouldn’t worry about it, maybe they are with affair partner, maybe they are worried their ex will get it out of you and turn up, maybe they are staying on a few different sofas and don’t want you to fret about that.

You have their mobile and when they settle somewhere you’ll get an address.

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:28

Of course it's odd for your (adult) child to not want you to have their address. It's deeply suspicious, and it's very odd for anyone to say 'why would you want their address?'

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Some people (on here) live on a different planet

WhateverMate · 22/10/2023 13:28

Hiphopopotamonster · 22/10/2023 13:27

Mumsnet is weird sometimes! As if in the real world it’s normal not to have your adult children’s address 🙄

Show quote history

It's not exactly unusual if they've gone low contact though, otherwise I'd agree.

MrsPinkSky · 22/10/2023 13:30

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Low contact
No contact
Difficult relationship

That's three off the top of my head.

femfemlicious · 22/10/2023 13:30

Really weird, parents and mum inlaws have a really rough time here. They are supposed to have no emotions and be doormats😭

Hbh17 · 22/10/2023 13:33

By not giving out their address, a person can avoid having an unwelcome visitor try to "doorstep" them. Not saying that's necessarily the case here, but it would make sense, especially if the individual prefers to maintain some privacy. Sometimes parents are the last people we would want to know about our personal situation. The two people here are in touch, so it sounds fine. Knowing someone's address tells you nothing about whether they're safe and happy.

Hbh17 · 22/10/2023 13:35

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:28

Of course it's odd for your (adult) child to not want you to have their address. It's deeply suspicious, and it's very odd for anyone to say 'why would you want their address?'

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Some people (on here) live on a different planet

Not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. If you do, then you are lucky.

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 13:36

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:25

I don’t need address and completely understand your reply just think it strange that it’s all so secretive and I don’t ask any questions re relationship as I don’t get any answers. I suppose I want reassurance that they are safe and happy.

Ask them that then. Their address won't tell you that.

Original poster

Boobsallgone21 · 22/10/2023 13:37

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:28

Of course it's odd for your (adult) child to not want you to have their address. It's deeply suspicious, and it's very odd for anyone to say 'why would you want their address?'

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Some people (on here) live on a different planet

Thank you @AlexaCanYouHearMe I’ve asked directly for the address just fyi. Her exDP has it. DC has gone low contact since she was making life changes- I asked her if she wanted a relationship with us (parents) and she said yes but she’s always busy. She had a good childhood, always loved and always ‘the good girlI’. Perhaps that’s where it’s gone wrong - the model daughter and now she feels she is disappointing everyone. I’ve said I love & support her in any life choices she makes and feel it is a very brave choice she has made. Just don’t know what to do for the best. Am heartbroken.

OP posts:

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 13:38

MrsPinkSky · 22/10/2023 13:30

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Low contact
No contact
Difficult relationship

That's three off the top of my head.

Undercover cop
Not ready to have you turn up at the door yet
It's a fancy residence and they don't want you turning up.

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:38

MrsPinkSky · 22/10/2023 13:30

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Low contact
No contact
Difficult relationship

That's three off the top of my head.

OP never mentioned any of that. 🙄

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 13:39

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:38

OP never mentioned any of that. 🙄

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OP wouldn't necessarily know

margotrose · 22/10/2023 13:40

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 22/10/2023 13:28

Of course it's odd for your (adult) child to not want you to have their address. It's deeply suspicious, and it's very odd for anyone to say 'why would you want their address?'

Why the fuck would anyone not give their PARENT their new address?

Some people (on here) live on a different planet

I think you're the one who lives on a different planet if you can't understand that lots of people have bad relationships with their parents.