Don't want to go on holidays with mil every year

[Thequeenofthetypis]

I made the mistake of allowing the precedent to be set years ago, so now my mother in law comes on holidays with us every year.
I don't hate her, she's not awful. My kids love her and obviously oh loves her. BUT. I never really get to relax with her there, she's just a little passive aggressive and has some odd ways.
I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."
So my compromise is that the kids and I go for 1 week and he goes with mil for 2 ( because he wants to go for 2 weeks) I don't want to spend 2 weeks on holidays with my MIL, I just don't. I'm not mad or mean or unreasonable am I ????

Seems fair enough. Do you work? Could you only manage to get one week off work?

But don’t you want to spent time with DH and kids together?

I work part time, term time hours. The 2 weeks is his only holiday time.

Why can’t you do a weeks holiday with MIL and then a weeks holiday without her? I don’t see why the kids need to loose out on a weeks holiday that they’d otherwise enjoy.

Yes I do. I'd rather just us though. So my compromise is 1 week. We have never had a family holiday without her.

Why bring the kids home? Let them stay on for the other werk

Then the kids should stay on holiday with him and MIL

We spend a lot of holidays with MIL because she lives abroad. What we do is DH and kids stay for two weeks and I stay for one week. It means I get a week to myself at home which is absolute BLISS! Why don't you do that? Leave the kids with him and your MIL and you get a week to relax.
I use the excuse of limited annual leave as to why I cut my holiday short.

Yeah that seems fair enough? You can go home and relax

Maybe I am unreasonable, that's why I asked! I'm prepared to be told I'm the issue here.

I think you’re amazing @Thequeenofthetypis . You’ve been so generous in sharing your precious holidays with your MIL. If you now want a holiday with just your DH and DC then you should go for that, rather than the compromise suggested.

Personally, even though like you I didn’t hate my MIL and got on with her, I refused to ever have a holiday with her.

My MIL was ok, but I wouldn't have wanted to have spent every (or any) family holiday with her. So either you tell OH you want a family holiday with just yourselves, or do as others have suggested, only do one week, then have the other week to yourself.

Hardly pathetic not to want someone else in your family holiday. It changes the dynamic.

How old is MIL? Does she contribute to the holiday or do you fund? Would dh be happy if your family started joining you?

Can’t you all go for 2 weeks but MIL just joins you for the second week? Surely she’d understand that you’d like some time just as a family?

If the poster in the states, that is quite normal.

We do a family holiday each year then in October half term we do 4 nights in a caravan with MIL which we all enjoy. I wouldn't want to do just a holiday with her though.

It’s not that you are the issue. It’s that you and your DH have a childish set up that doesn’t consider the options. Your DH wants 2 weeks with her, you don’t. You can take other holidays with the kids because you have lots of holidays and he doesn’t. So either one week family holiday with her and one week without, or on that second week just you come home and enjoy the peace. The kids enjoy their MIL so why should they miss out? Especially when it’s the only holidays they get with their dad.

@TeaKitten We actually did this once, I had a family do for my side so came home a few days early. He nearly lost one of the dc in the airport so now that dc doesn't want to travel with just him. Dd2 doesn't want to stay without dd1. I don't know. Maybe I am just an awkward cow. If I just sucked it up everyone would be happy, except me.
She gives me " helpful" diet tips when she sees me in a swimsuit. I always have to sit in the back of the car and she gets the front.
I'm a fool if I do put up with it. But I'm a bitch if I don't.