Don't want to go on holidays with mil every year

[Thequeenofthetypis]

I made the mistake of allowing the precedent to be set years ago, so now my mother in law comes on holidays with us every year.
I don't hate her, she's not awful. My kids love her and obviously oh loves her. BUT. I never really get to relax with her there, she's just a little passive aggressive and has some odd ways.
I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."
So my compromise is that the kids and I go for 1 week and he goes with mil for 2 ( because he wants to go for 2 weeks) I don't want to spend 2 weeks on holidays with my MIL, I just don't. I'm not mad or mean or unreasonable am I ????

Yes who is saying this to you

For goodness sake op!!

He can have a separate holiday with her why on earth should your break be ruined?? Why?

YANBU. That would drive me nuts, quite aside from her rude comments. Can you go away for a long weekend with MIL and take your 2-week holiday just as a family?

Someone asked way back, he gets 21 days annually. He uses some remaining days for a sporting event he always goes to. Other days just at home, days out etc. Mil is in her 80s. I normally do a few long weekend/4 day breaks locally over the summer with the kids. Oh joins for the weekend if we go. He tried to bring MIL on these trips too but I said no way.

Where is your mum, does dh get on with her or do you have a relative you can start to threaten family holidays with ie it's not fair on dear (grumpy) aunt Jane so let's invite her she can keep mil company

Not sure why you’re insulting yourself and making out like others are saying it. Nobody has called you a bitch. DH has made a mistake in an airport, a lot of parents have lost a child in a busy place before, it doesn’t mean the parent gets out of ever travelling alone with the kids again. You both need to help the kids understand it was a basic mistake but that their dad is a grown adult who can take care of them, and help them move on. Your MIL is doing nothing wrong here. Your DH is sounding more and more useless though.

Break up two weeks.

One week with her one week alone.

Or short 4 night with her

Sorry, I keep missing posts, trying to scroll back!
I feel like a bitch, no-one said that to me. I'm actually so baffled, that's why I'm asking here.

Absolutely not. 1 week with MIL one week just the family. That’s the compromise.
A grown ass man wants to spend a weeks holiday just him and his mummy? He doesn’t think that’s fucking weird? Because it is. Surely she can see it’s weird too? Put your foot down. Let him get teary eyed. You’re not refusing to go at all. You’re just shortening it from 2 weeks to 1 week. That is plenty

Change it so that one or more of the 4 nighters is w her and none of the main holiday

maybe do it by planning a hol it’d be impossible for MIL to come on? Loads of walking or kayaking or something?

Ah you're not. Your compromise is more than fair

Your MIL is doing nothing wrong here. Your DH is sounding more and more useless though
This is a fair assessment

I'd be telling DH that your marrige doesn't have long left to live if he tries to pull that shit again.

I wouldn't offer any compromise.
She isn't coming. End of.

What a pathetic man.

Presumably it's easier than telling her (not that she should to be told) that she can't come, and easier than her DH taking the huff - he seems to like having his mother along.

I can see pros and cons to it personally - most of which suit him.

You sit in the back of the car?! Please - you have an DH problem here. The tearful cry when you ask for a holiday without her . He is your problem.
book a holiday for one week for the four of you, tell him you are going without her and he can spend his other weeks leave on holiday with her. You are allowing yourself to be treated badly in favour of his mummy. You’ll have to start taking control here.

@sittinginacafe
That's exactly what I do on the short breaks, literally pier jumping, kayaking, hiking, sleepingon air mattresses. Right up her street!

This is a very good suggestion. He definitely likes having her along, she's his Mum, that's fair enough. But he definitely prioritises her over us.
I know I have a dh problem. Also an assertiveness problem.

I'm trying to compromise with oh, whenever I've brought it up in the past he gets all teary eyed " sure she probably hasn't many years left...."

Good grief. My eyes almost rolled out of my socket reading this. Such emotional manipulation. You, him nor anyone knows how much time they have left. He could be saying this for another ten years. It’s a bit morbid that you pretty much have to wait until your MIL dies to get a holiday with just your family because your DH doesn’t want to compromise.

You drive @Thequeenofthetypis , your DH can sit in the back.

Hardly being pathetic, he's put you in a really sticky situation getting all teary eyed and saying she doesn't have long left?! How old is she? Say you did put your foot down and god forbid something happened and she was no longer with you, you'd be the bitch for not allowing him to spend more time with him and the kids and it will forever haunt you. It's a horrible position to be in. I would comprise and do one week with her and the two weeks with just you two and the kids