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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trackers on phones - weird or not?

206 replies

Judijudi · 21/10/2023 01:26

Someone I know their entire family uses a location tracker on their phones for everyone in the immediate family, husband, son, son’s girlfriend, sister, nieces, nephews, parents. They all have it. I don’t know how often the others use it but frequently this person will say, oh I see sister has come home early from her holiday, or son’s girlfriend- oh she must’ve got out of bed to go to the hairdressers, you get the jist.
I find this really really weird and a total invasion of privacy. It actually gives me the creeps! I can see how it would be handy if someone unexpectedly goes out of touch and their is an actual reason to want to know where they are like they’ve gone hillwalking and not returned when expected or if it is someone vulnerable etc.
What do you all think?
YABU this is perfectly normal behaviour to track the movements of your entire family
or
YANBU it is TOTALLY weird and an invasion of privacy verging on stalking behaviour

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 21/10/2023 17:16

As a family we use FindMy now that we all have iPhones. DC are 23 and 20 and are the ones that set it up.

When they were younger they had something on my phone so that they could tell where I was and if it was worth asking for a lift 😂.

We've never been intrusive parents or dictated what they can and can't do or where they can go, so nobody has a problem with it.

Stomacharmeleon · 21/10/2023 17:27

It wouldn't even occur to me tbh. I can understand the theory behind small kids/ medical issues etc though.
I do think the university Student tracking is weird. I know my boys are out late and up to all sorts but isn't that the point? They don't want their mother tracking their every move.

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 17:34

@NoTouch I knew surveillance was the wrong word-but I couldn't think of a better one.

If one of my kids wanted to be picked up, they sent me the address. If I wanted to know they were home safely, I asked them to send me a text. It's all about expecting them to take responsibility for their impact on other people, and teaching them to keep their wits about them and to look after themselves. There were occasions where we did turn the tracker on-dd used to like going on long rides by herself, and it would have been useful to be able to find her if she fell off and hurt herself. But it was turned off as soon as she got home. It's important, particularly for girls, although for boys too, not normalising being under surveillance (and that is the appropriate use of the word.)

JaceLancs · 21/10/2023 17:36

I share location with adult DC and they choose to share with me
TBH I can’t remember when I last used it - I use it more for find my device

WilmaWonka · 21/10/2023 17:38

Hbh17 · 21/10/2023 17:03

Weird and intrusive (w exception of special needs etc). Honestly, if a family member suggested it to me, it would be the end of the relationship. Nobody needs to know where I am, nor me them.

Bit of an overreaction! So if your DH or DC suggested you all know each other’s whereabouts if the situation arose that someone couldn’t be contacted in a emergency, you’d divorce/cut them off 🤔!

We all do via Find My Iphone. We don’t control our DC, they go where they want and we rarely check but if there was an instance where they didn’t come home, they were driving and came off the road or ended up in a bush for any reason, it gives peace of mind that we’d be able to see their last position if they went missing, which could be followed up by CCTV.

If you see all the missing people on TikTok for many years, some of those may have been found if this tech was available.

Similarly a fairly recent horrific car crash where 5 young people ended up in the middle of a large roundabout, car obscured by trees, people were searching for them but they were there for 2 days with cars driving past them. 3 of them died and one of the rear passengers was wedged seriously injured between her dead friends for 2 days. May have been found quicker if one of their phones had a tracker. Food for thought and I doubt any of them thought their night out would end like that.

Snugglemonkey · 21/10/2023 17:38

I hate the idea. I find it weird that so many people do not seem to see privacy as precious.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 21/10/2023 17:43

WilmaWonka · 21/10/2023 17:38

Bit of an overreaction! So if your DH or DC suggested you all know each other’s whereabouts if the situation arose that someone couldn’t be contacted in a emergency, you’d divorce/cut them off 🤔!

We all do via Find My Iphone. We don’t control our DC, they go where they want and we rarely check but if there was an instance where they didn’t come home, they were driving and came off the road or ended up in a bush for any reason, it gives peace of mind that we’d be able to see their last position if they went missing, which could be followed up by CCTV.

If you see all the missing people on TikTok for many years, some of those may have been found if this tech was available.

Similarly a fairly recent horrific car crash where 5 young people ended up in the middle of a large roundabout, car obscured by trees, people were searching for them but they were there for 2 days with cars driving past them. 3 of them died and one of the rear passengers was wedged seriously injured between her dead friends for 2 days. May have been found quicker if one of their phones had a tracker. Food for thought and I doubt any of them thought their night out would end like that.

Show quote history

I might be wrong here, but in this situation and that of missing persons can't the police track the phones ? ( I may have watched too much hunted !)

ordinarybarbie · 21/10/2023 17:46

I think by the time police are concerned enough to track a phone then it could sometimes be too late.

whiteroseredrose · 21/10/2023 17:47

@Snugglemonkey I suppose I find it weird that people are bothered about absolute privacy from family. Why would I mind about my family knowing where I am? I'd tell them anyway.

Fairospop22 · 21/10/2023 17:50

Well I wouldn’t track my husband. But I like to know my daughter is home safe from school when I’m at work

McIntire · 21/10/2023 17:50

DH and I started doing this temporarily as a safety precaution really but found it useful so continued.

I like the fact I now don’t feel the need to tell him where I am or what I’m up to, because if necessary, he can find out

wheresmymojo · 21/10/2023 17:52

All iPhones have a tracker on.

It's not something you have to add. You just decide who to give access to.

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 17:53

@whiteroseredrose "I suppose I find it weird that people are bothered about absolute privacy from family."

As I said-dp and I track each other for fun. My issue is with whether or not adults and consenting freely to being tracked. And I really don't agree with parents tracking children.

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 17:54

@Fairospop22 "But I like to know my daughter is home safe from school when I’m at work"

So she sends you a text. It teaches her to be responsible and to be be aware of other people's feelings.

NoTouch · 21/10/2023 17:54

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 17:34

@NoTouch I knew surveillance was the wrong word-but I couldn't think of a better one.

If one of my kids wanted to be picked up, they sent me the address. If I wanted to know they were home safely, I asked them to send me a text. It's all about expecting them to take responsibility for their impact on other people, and teaching them to keep their wits about them and to look after themselves. There were occasions where we did turn the tracker on-dd used to like going on long rides by herself, and it would have been useful to be able to find her if she fell off and hurt herself. But it was turned off as soon as she got home. It's important, particularly for girls, although for boys too, not normalising being under surveillance (and that is the appropriate use of the word.)

That is where trust comes in. ds has his switched on all the time. The last time I used it was about 3 weeks ago. He had driven to Glasgow (20 miles away) to watch footie with some uni mates in someone's flat, but said he was planning on driving home as working next morning. He had mentioned where the friend stayed (which was near my work).

I woke for a pee (sorry TMI) after 5am and his room door was open and he wasn't home, weather out wasn't great that night. A quick look at find my iphone showed he was in a building near-ish my work (instead of in a ditch somewhere over the moors) so I went back to sleep.

That isn't stalking or surveillance it is no different to you switching on when you dd went on a long ride, but the trust is there to leave it on. I trust myself not to abuse it and he trusts me too.

Applerumleandcustard · 21/10/2023 17:57

I have DH , DS ( 28 ) and DD ( 26 ) on find my friends , and they all have me on it
The DC live the other side of the country from me , I check up on them every now and then , and I know they check up on me
I don’t mind , I assume if they minded , they’d turn it off

2old4thisshit · 21/10/2023 17:59

We have trackers on mine, dh, ds who’s at uni, 2 dd at home. We also have a tracker on each of our key fobs too. It’s quite handy with my youngest dd14 who has sen to know where she is if not home. Also handy to collect people and know roughly where they are. Don’t check unless I need to.

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 18:01

@NoTouch in that situation my kids would have sent a text saying "At John's house." It's not a matter of trust-it's a matter of personal responsibility. Of actively looking out for other people.

DutchCowgirl · 21/10/2023 18:03

My teen tracks all his classmates on snapchat , so i think for a lot of teens tracking has become a normal thing…
I share location with my dh. He is often on the road , can’t text and drive and i like to have dinner ready when he gets home.
And he is a trailrunner, I like to know where he is in case of an emergency. It is not watertight, but better than nothing.

ChienneDesFromages · 21/10/2023 18:08

Our family uses Life360. We aren’t constantly checking up on each other, but it often puts our minds at rest. It’s nice to know DD is home safely from school if I’m taking DS somewhere. And is she’s going further afield into London. DS with SEN is just starting to be a bit more independent (just walking to the Co-Op etc.) and I feel better knowing he’s on track. DH liked it when DS and I were interrailing over the summer, so he knew we’d made it safely to the next city/hotel. I think he sometimes checks when I’m driving a distance, as it’s got a crash detector, and I track DH in the evenings to know when the train is in so I can put the kettle on. All handy. Not at all sinister.

At her request, my mum is also on our tracker since she developed epilepsy and worries about having a seizure while out and about. It turns out she probably doesn’t have a secret lover but does spend a lot of time in Dunelm.

JulietBravo999 · 21/10/2023 19:13

wheresmymojo · 21/10/2023 17:52

All iPhones have a tracker on.

It's not something you have to add. You just decide who to give access to.

Exactly. I think people read ‘tracker’ and assume spying / surveillance. The kids and I have it; my son is always misplacing his phone so we use it for that (you can sound an alarm so it can easily be located, you can also mark it as lost so it shuts down). Also used on occasion when I want to check if they’re nearly home for dinner!

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 19:36

"I think people read ‘tracker’ and assume spying / surveillance."
Doesn't matter how you do it-it's still tracking!

And I really don't get the "knowing when they'll be home for dinner thing! Do you all fall in through the door and head straight for the dinner table?

anon0007 · 21/10/2023 19:42

We as a family share location with one another

Msmumm · 21/10/2023 19:55

As a family we have each other on it. DD works in an industry where she is quite often called out farms or livery yards at all hours of day and night. Quite often they can be in the middle of nowhere. It gives her and us peace of mind that should she ever be in trouble we can see her last location.

JulietBravo999 · 21/10/2023 20:09

CurlewKate · 21/10/2023 19:36

"I think people read ‘tracker’ and assume spying / surveillance."
Doesn't matter how you do it-it's still tracking!

And I really don't get the "knowing when they'll be home for dinner thing! Do you all fall in through the door and head straight for the dinner table?

Does it matter to you, Kate? You spend your life arguing with people on here, I’d say that’s pretty strange behaviour. But each to their own, hey?