Trackers on phones - weird or not?

[Judijudi]

Someone I know their entire family uses a location tracker on their phones for everyone in the immediate family, husband, son, son’s girlfriend, sister, nieces, nephews, parents. They all have it. I don’t know how often the others use it but frequently this person will say, oh I see sister has come home early from her holiday, or son’s girlfriend- oh she must’ve got out of bed to go to the hairdressers, you get the jist.
I find this really really weird and a total invasion of privacy. It actually gives me the creeps! I can see how it would be handy if someone unexpectedly goes out of touch and their is an actual reason to want to know where they are like they’ve gone hillwalking and not returned when expected or if it is someone vulnerable etc.
What do you all think?
YABU this is perfectly normal behaviour to track the movements of your entire family
or
YANBU it is TOTALLY weird and an invasion of privacy verging on stalking behaviour

I track my husband and he does me just for ease. Neither of us are glued to it, he often gets home from work and I'm not in so he will check where I am on the app and if I'm not driving he will text.

I track my mum (she can track me but has no idea how) mainly because she's forever losing her phone but also she has a lot of medical problems so if we ever can't get hold of her I can look for her and make sure she's ok

@WhiteArsenic "It’s very judgmental to be saying people shouldn’t do harmless things just because one doesn’t want to do them oneself."

I don't think parents tracking children is harmless.

It is a tool that can be used harmlessly, but some people are closed to the very idea that it could be used for anything other than nefarious reasons. Someone in a relationship where is would be used negatively will have much bigger problems to focus on.

Some people prefer a quick location check to being annoyed by a text, or having to explain where they are so they can get a lift, or if someone is on their way to pick you up/visit and driving being able to check how far away they are - or many other reasons. Of course there are other ways to share this information, but if the tools are there to make life a little smoother and everyone is happy why not.

"tracking children" implies a parent watching their every move as a form of supervision, if they are that is not healthy for either the child or the parent, but in most cases I don't believe that is how it is used and it is wrong to assume it is.

YANBU you can't go anywhere nowadays without being recorded by CCTV or someone's ring doorbell. I don't like it. I saw somewhere on FB a chat about this & there's an app where you can listen in to what is being said in background. So parents are listening into what teens are saying without their consent. I think it's a real invasion of privacy of friends of teen that grown ups are listening in covertly. It's just weird.

@NoTouch ""tracking children" implies a parent watching their every move as a form of supervision, if they are that is not healthy for either the child or the parent, but in most cases I don't believe that is how it is used and it is wrong to assume it is."

I'm not assuming that. I don't think it's healthy however frequently or infrequently the surveillance happens.

@CurlewKate again your words are imply things and maybe that reflects things in your own life/thoughts, but they are things that are not there for most people - "surveillance" is close observation to try to catch someone out doing something wrong.

That is not what is happening with most people it is just an easier way to do some things. If ds asks me to pick him up and I check where he is so I know where to go, just because it is easier, that isn't "surveillance". If dh or ds is driving to pick me up somewhere (or vice versa) and I have a look to see if he is nearly there yet that isn't "trying to catch someone out".

Most people feel there is nothing wrong with checking someone's location in those scenarios, and similar, or someone checking theirs, which is what most people would use it for and why the majority of people freely choose to have the option switched on.

Obviously a minority of people will use it as a means of control, or feel they may be being controlled - which is a much wider issue in that relationship than an otherwise harmless location finder, but those issues don't mean it is wrong for anyone else to use.

2 consenting adults, well fair enough, but obviously won't work if you left your phone at home or something. As a means of keeping an eye on teens, I think it is wholly inappropriate. It doesn't teach trust or responsibility, with older teens I would ask myself do I really need or want to know where DS 19 spends his time ?

and TBH as a teen I would have quickly worked out how to use it as a decoy to get up to even more mischief, which I know Dd's mates have. So actually fasly reasuring and counterproductive.

Texting won't work great if you leave your phone at home either 🤣

I didn't say using it as means to keep "an eye on teens" ok. I think I was pretty clear saying using if was "surveillance" and "tracking" is not healthy, but that doesn't mean all the other people using it as a useful tool for other reasons that they are happy with is an issue.

TBH as a teen I would have just switched it off if I didn't want to use it and my parents would have been fine with that. I would also be fine with it if ds did the same. I don't use it often and he knows the types of scenarios I would use it for and would rather I did that than text/phone.

The question is when does "checking the 11yo gets home ok" morph into " making sure the 14yo is at the mates house she said she was" and if her parents do this unashamedly then how does she know her partner doesn't have an unassailable right to know her whereabouts at all times. Slippery slope easier not to normalise it.

did she not need the families mobiles to install this programme?? pretty sure the sons girlfriend wont know she is being tracked!!

That's were trust comes in, if you can't trust yourself not to abuse others privacy or your can't trust your nearest and dearest not to abuse yours, again, you have bigger issues.

What is to stop me going right now into dhs wallet sitting in the kitchen and having a snoop, or into my dcs room and his belongings? Nothing. It is no different with location finding.

It is as important to teach your teens (and yourself) that trust is easy lost and harder to restore.

Depends if you are parenting a slightly wayward out and about early to mid teenage child or not.

My family all think it’s outrageous and awful my local friends who all have teens and ourselves all do it and find it invaluable.

It's totally weird and I would not be in a relationship with anyone who insisted on tracking me.

Yet so many MNetters insist it's so they can 'put the kettle on when their husband's are nearly home'. Yeah righto 🙄😂

I've got my DH, children, siblings and parents all on Findmy.

We don't check up on each other but made a mutual agreement to give everyone access after someone we knew was in a car crash and the car wasn't found for almost 3 days so no one could find them to help and possibly save their life. They were known to be missing within about 8 hours of the crash so if they'd had the tracker would have been found and possibly saved much sooner. Just felt like a no brainier after this.

Saves me pestering Dd eg after school Friday can see she’s at friends house - all good. She has hundreds of friends has been useful when I go to pick up to click directions and phone takes me to their random country houses.

Dd14 is not naughty and we do trust her and have good communication but she is out and about a lot and very social so it’s reassuring to keep a handle on her whereabouts. She travels from party to party on some nights. If she was very sensible/older or a home bird I probably wouldn’t bother.

You are just making things up now. Where is the MNetter on this thread who has "insisted" on it when their dh wasn't happy with it too?

I didn't mention this thread, did I?

There has been tonnes of threads like this.

Personally I worry we'll get to a point where jealous, abusive partners will think their DP has something to hide if they don't agree to being tracked but I appreciate that's a whole other thread.

Have a look through AS and you'll see how many have insisted on it.

I don’t think it’s perfectly notmal because circumstances probably vary widely among those who share their locations with others.

But I also don’t think it’s inherently stalkerish. Like most technology, it can be used to improve lives but can also have severe downsides.

We use it as it suits us but I really wouldn’t want to be bothered with seeing information about too many relatives locations.

I think it's strange. We do have a tracker on ds phone, but he's 11. He's just started comp and gets the bus back and for on his own, so it's more just to check he's ok, as we're in work when he comes home. For other family members, no.

We do it and it just feels kind of normal to us. If anyone turned it off, there wouldn't even be a discussion about it, it would be absolutely fine. It can be handy tool and a comfort, but no one's pressured to do it.

Weird and intrusive (w exception of special needs etc). Honestly, if a family member suggested it to me, it would be the end of the relationship. Nobody needs to know where I am, nor me them.

Are you honestly saying that if your DP randomly turned his tracker off and refused to turn it on again, you wouldn't even ask him why?

I track my order 16, 15 and 14 year olds. We use life 360. Not an issue