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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting 18 year old to help clear dinner

103 replies

Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 19:13

I got home from work at 630 this evening. My husband works nights from 430pm to 230ish hgv driver. He made/put together a lasagne today before leaving for work. He also put the dishwasher on before leaving. My 15 year old fed the cat. He also Put the lasagne in the oven to cook it and also the garlic bread. And Laid.the table. I served it. I asked my 18 year old to help me clear the table and empty the dishwasher. He said no I'm gaming. And went upstairs. He also wants me to plate him up the leftover apple crumble that I made yesterday. I'm not going to do that unless he helps me clear away and empty the dishwasher. Aibu?

OP posts:
VWT5 · 19/10/2023 19:14

The wi-fi needs to be switched off…

jamimmi · 19/10/2023 19:24

WiFi off and no meals unless he comes down. We have a set up with 16 yr old and 20 yr old when he was home that.on week nights we all take turns to cook and those who have Cooked don't clear up. 16yr old currently making tea!

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 19:31

He has put emptied the plates and cutlery basket asked again for crumble and gone upstairs. Dirty Plates still on side top of dishwasher not emptied

OP posts:
Blobblobblob · 19/10/2023 19:33

Switch the WiFi off, job done

WhatNoRaisins · 19/10/2023 19:34

When things are calm you need to sit them down and lay out some clear expectations.

Everydayimhuffling · 19/10/2023 19:37

YABU to allow him to use your WiFi to game if he doesn't contribute to the running of the household.

Lizzieregina · 19/10/2023 19:37

Yes Wifi off. And definitely no plating up anything and possibly no meals either!

Antst · 19/10/2023 19:38

He's 18, which means you no longer have to house him. He is an adult and should be capable of taking care of himself. If he can't even help with the dishes and clearing the table, something is very wrong.

Parents are responsible for raising kids to be independent adults. You need to ask yourself what has gone wrong that he doesn't think he even has to help with a meal that someone else prepared. As others have said, if he doesn't pay for the wifi, I'd be switching it off. I'd also not be providing dinner until he gets his act together.

You're not doing him any favours. People won't want to live with him.

caban · 19/10/2023 19:38

My 9 year old clears the table and washes up.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me like a servant.

RussianDoll777 · 19/10/2023 19:39

Do you genuinely think there is a chance YABU? Sort him out before he becomes another woman’s problem in a few years.

Antst · 19/10/2023 19:40

caban · 19/10/2023 19:38

My 9 year old clears the table and washes up.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone treating me like a servant.

Yup, it's the kind of task a young child should be able to handle. An 18-year-old should be taking turns at cooking and buying the food.

erikbloodaxe · 19/10/2023 19:41

Talk to him. Use your words! Don't turn the Wi-Fi off, you won't gain control and it'll lead to resentment.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 19:42

Antst · 19/10/2023 19:40

Yup, it's the kind of task a young child should be able to handle. An 18-year-old should be taking turns at cooking and buying the food.

Show quote history

Not buying food when he's still at school but the rest I definitely agree. 😕

OP posts:
HelenFisksBrownSuit · 19/10/2023 19:44

He sounds spoiled.

MooFroo · 19/10/2023 19:44

Go call him down to clean up NOW - lazy little shit!

please parents don’t let your kids treat you like this! It’s our job as parents to teach them household basics and by 18, he should be pulling his weight in the family. If he’s not, you and DH need to get on it and make it happen

simple solution but not necessarily easy at his age!

Antst · 19/10/2023 19:44

Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 19:42

Not buying food when he's still at school but the rest I definitely agree. 😕

Show quote history

I meant that he could get himself to the supermarket and be responsible for purchasing food. You could work out the money aspects of it however you think is appropriate.

It would be good for him to learn how to do it for when he lives independently.

LakieLady · 19/10/2023 19:46

Sod that, I'd have The Conversation first, and explain that if he doesn't pull his weight, the wi-fi would be going off.

If that didn't work, it would go off. And maybe change the password, too.

Mummy08m · 19/10/2023 19:48

Antst · 19/10/2023 19:40

Yup, it's the kind of task a young child should be able to handle. An 18-year-old should be taking turns at cooking and buying the food.

Show quote history

Absolutely, I was doing this from age 16 if not younger.

Don't just turn off the WiFi though, op, at least not without warning. Tell him to finish his match/level etc and then you want a serious word. Say you are deliberately not turning off the WiFi but you want to Talk asap.

He'll hopefully come to you in 10-15min a bit abashed

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 20:10

I'm still trying to talk to him but I'm currently being ignored. I've given in kind of and finished emptying the dishwasher. So all he's got to do is load it and do a.bit of washing up and wipe the work surfaces. The apple crumble remains on the side I haven't dished it up

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 19/10/2023 20:13

I honestly can’t compute how you tolerate a member of your household (your own child!) treating you with such utter contempt, let alone coming on here to ask if you’re unreasonable to object to it - of course you’re fucking not!!

If DS had ignored a simple request to help out as per every other family member, fucked off to start gaming and expected me to skivvy around serving him dessert, he’d have been torn a new one so hard and fast he wouldn’t know which orifice was which. Plus the wifi would be off and his phone contract cancelled until he could demonstrate his willingness to have some manners and not behave like a dick.

We show others how to treat us, OP, by what we’re prepared to tolerate.

Everydayimhuffling · 19/10/2023 20:13

Why have you finished emptying the dishwasher? And if you have tried to talk and been ignored then there needs to be an actual consequence for that.

Whalewatchers · 19/10/2023 20:17

to the ignoring, I would be saying to him, "how dare you ignore me...until I get a proper apology, you can sort your own dinners. AND GROW UP YOU'RE MEANT TO BE AN ADULT!"

OMGitsnotgood · 19/10/2023 20:22

I've given in kind of and finished emptying the dishwasher.

and therein lies the problem.

Wi-Fi would be off in my house til done .

ilovesooty · 19/10/2023 20:26

Why on earth would you tolerate that kind of disrespect? He lives in the house and you're not his servant.

Original poster
Nomoreminecraftplease · 19/10/2023 20:36

Still trying to get him to do it. Ds2 has offered to do it and I've said no his brother needs to do it. I'm determined this time

OP posts:
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