Wanting 18 year old to help clear dinner

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

I got home from work at 630 this evening. My husband works nights from 430pm to 230ish hgv driver. He made/put together a lasagne today before leaving for work. He also put the dishwasher on before leaving. My 15 year old fed the cat. He also Put the lasagne in the oven to cook it and also the garlic bread. And Laid.the table. I served it. I asked my 18 year old to help me clear the table and empty the dishwasher. He said no I'm gaming. And went upstairs. He also wants me to plate him up the leftover apple crumble that I made yesterday. I'm not going to do that unless he helps me clear away and empty the dishwasher. Aibu?

Same here. Turn the Wi-Fi off!!

Wifi off till the not so little shit gets off his arse and helps.
My 15 year old regularly washes or dries pots and helps put away.

Why turn the Wi-Fi off?

Surely 18 years olds have data?

Turning the Wi-Fi off affects the whole house but probably not the 18 year old so much

YANBU. Hardly a lot to ask when has a roof over his head and a hot meal prepared and has had to do nothing else. Dishwasher would literally take 10 mins max and then could be back gaming. He is an adult for goodness sake.

you haven’t dished it up? ooh very strict there, aren’t we? seriously

I'd knock him off the house WiFi by changing the password. It's not acceptable to be a lazy git whilst everyone else contributes.

And this is why we have a router where you can turn off individual devices, if you google you can see if your router can do it too.

How dare he think that he can be made a meal and do fuck all clearing up. Entitled arsehole. Remove the console, remove his phone. This needs a serious conversation.

Some years ago an Xbox travelled the length of our garden as a result of this sort of behaviour. I don't necessarily recommend this as an approach but oddly enough the behaviour wasn't repeated.

(Xbox still worked afterwards and still does now)

Obvs he's a lazy disrespectful pisstaker for not clearing away.

But here's the bit beyond my comprehension: he wants some apple crumble.
But wants you to serve it up for him?
Why?
Why is he treating you like a waitress?

He's got a lot to learn.
But he won't learn a thing till you change.

All I can say is, there is no way my 18 year old would be allowed to speak to me like that, nor refuse my request.
Have you always allowed him to be disrespectful towards you?

I went crazy at my teens yesterday. My dh came off a night shift & I'd been out all morning. They hadn't washed up their mess from the night before & made pancakes & there was flour & Nutella everywhere.

I made them clean the whole kitchen. I can control WiFi on individual devices & most teens don't have data on consoles.

It's about respect & if he doesn't contribute to the running of the house, he moves out. Where he'll have a lot more cleaning to do ...

Why haven't you turned the WiFi off? I'd hide the router

Because that wouldn't be fair on my 15 year old

I wouldn’t keep asking him. It’s a battle of wills at this stage. You’ve asked, he’s refused - time now for consequences, switch off the Wi-Fi, no more doing his laundry, no more plating food for him, pocket money, lifts, etc until he does his bit around the house.

Its not fair on the younger child that the older one doesn't pull his weight either. Explain to younger one why you are doing it and offer something to compensate
Cant make an omelette without breaking eggs - wifi needs to go off. It wont be for long if he wants to do gaming will it

You can usually change the WiFi password. Change it, enter new password on other child's device. WiFi only for those you want to have it.

Change the password then. The little shit will carry on walking all over you and disrespecting everyone otherwise. He's a nasty, controlling, high handed little bully by the sound of it.

You're a wet blanket, at least eat the crumble yourself.

Your 15 yo would be ok with it if you explained. Would it probably be a good example to him for the future too. Changing the password is another option and explain to ds15 that he's getting it as he's helpfulz you likely won't have such issues with him when he sees you taking action and also appreciating what he does

My three boys have just been called back to the kitchen for about the 4th time to finish cleaning up the dishes. They don't have to do much, but they do have to do it.

Because that wouldn't be fair on my 15 year old
So the 18 year old is off the hook again!
The 15 year old also needs to see that there are rules and you are prepared to put penalties in place. Even if DS1 has data, it won't last for long if he's glued to his games as long as mine used to be.

Posted too soon.

I would take the hit on the router for now. You don't need to turn it off for long. Literally off and on again will be enough to boot him from his game, and then when he strops about it, you can tell him maybe if he behaved like a member of the household instead of a lodger than has the misfortune to live with people who expect a modicum of respect, then the wifi might be more reliable.

First off - your DH prepared dinner before he left for work.

Don't give in. I'd say he needs to do the set up or the clearing of the table every day. If you don't want to turn off the router change the password and give it to your 15 year-old but not the one that doesn't do his share.

Why arent you letting him know you're angry because you're being disrespected??

You dont have to scream and shout bit it's perfectly fine to tell him he is to go down and do it now, not in 5 minutes, not in 10, but right now or you'll be changing the wifi password or taking the x box controller away. He either gives it to you and loses it for one day or you take it whil hes out and he loses a week.

Where is your fighting spirit!?

Change the password and log everyone out. Then give it to the 15 yr old

State this will happen every evening and those who contribute without whining get the password.