Wanting 18 year old to help clear dinner

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

I got home from work at 630 this evening. My husband works nights from 430pm to 230ish hgv driver. He made/put together a lasagne today before leaving for work. He also put the dishwasher on before leaving. My 15 year old fed the cat. He also Put the lasagne in the oven to cook it and also the garlic bread. And Laid.the table. I served it. I asked my 18 year old to help me clear the table and empty the dishwasher. He said no I'm gaming. And went upstairs. He also wants me to plate him up the leftover apple crumble that I made yesterday. I'm not going to do that unless he helps me clear away and empty the dishwasher. Aibu?

Surprised no one's asked if he has a job yet 😂

I'd let him sort out his own meals/food. I rarely cook for my 17 y old any more.

I wouldn’t tolerate this either. My DCs all have chores, my 11 year old clears the table after dinner without complaining. They all know they have to pull their weight, that me and DH work hard to provide a good life for them and we only ask for a few chores to be done. I’ve talked to them about how tired I am after work, and how exhausting it is when nobody helps, and that I am not a skivvy.

They respect me and care about my well-being, so they want to help (they still have to be reminded though!).
Teenagers are inherently self-centred. They won’t consider your point of view unless you spell it out to them.

My DCs know they get plenty of privileges - which can be taken away….

I wonder how long you have been letting your eldest DS get away with this? He needs to show you more care and respect.

And why are you ‘plating up’ his food for him? He’s not 3….

He finally did it at 11pm. Four hour after dinner finished. He tried every trick in the book, I'm too tired, it's too much. He tried to get me to do it. Tried to get his brother to do it. Offered to pay us! But he eventually did it

He offered to pay his parents to clean up dinner? The hell?

Yes a fiver from his wallet. I said no I want you to do it. It was like a Kevin the teenager sketch in the end but he did it

YANBU. Either he pulls his weight like the rest of the family or no meals/drinks/washing his clothes/Wi-Fi.

How has it even got to this? No sympathy whatsoever. You have done him no favours by bringing him up to think this behaviour is acceptable. I pity the people that will eventually share a home/live with him if he ever leaves your home.
He probably won't though, why would he?

This is the sort of boy who becomes the sort of partner women come on here to ask about and everyone calls them a cocklodger and writes LTB. Do the female world a service and raise him properly.

You need to have a family meeting & allocate chores & explain that it is part of being a normal family

Did they not do chores before age 18 ?

My parents never made me do chores, they seemed to expect me to just pick them up as I got older.

I'm definitely starting allocating chores when mine are young as I know from personal experience what I bad idea the above is.

Change the password and don't tell the 18 YO until the dishwasher is emptied, filled up again and switched on.

Perhaps a family discussion is due to work out chores and what is expected?

“The apple crumble remains on the side”

just dish it up and share it out among the helpful members of your family even if they say they don’t want it . Leave empty dish in full view. Problem solved, well the apple crumble part anyway.

Yanbu but I suspect he had a set start time for his game, I have gamers, dd takes part in an international event each week at 7pm U.K. time and needs to be logged in at 6.55 - no different to being at your 5 a side football on time. What you need to do op is tell him he needs to do it afterwards!

It sounds like he was just being stubborn and it was a battle of wills?

If your fifteen year old helps then obviously you have taught them both that everyone needs to help.

My eldest (much younger than eighteen) stubbornly refuses to help whereas DC2 helps a lot so reading this thread with interest.

Crikey. I think you need to sit him down and have a serious chat with him, not about this specific example but (assuming it’s a general theme) a broader conversation about being part of the team and how disrespectful it is to everyone else to take all the time and never give anything back.

Easy solution - change the wifi password and don’t tell him the new one.

No one ‘needs’ to be logged on to play a game at a certain time. No one ‘needs’ to play in a football game at a certain time. They are choices - OPs DS is choosing to be a selfish fucker who needs a big kick up his backside to start acting like an adult.

Offered to pay you?! I would have pointed out very loudly that I am not put on this earth to be his f-ing paid servant. And then the wi-fi would have gone off. Yes, it would have annoyed the 15 year old but it would have given them both an important message-you have boundaries and your child crossed them.

Will you be ok with him treating a life partner like this?

@Soontobe60

So you suggest people should let down their team, interesting. My dd cleans up late evening after gaming, just like her sister will clean up after she gets back from rugby practice. As long as chores are done I don't see the problem with timing

I would have eaten the pie

As he's still at school/no mention of a part-time job - my question would be where did he get the £5. The one in his wallet he wanted to pay you with?

If there is a team game then he can communicate that so OP isn't expecting things done and having to keep asking. I suspect there wasn't a timed game since even after gaming he still tried to get out of finishing the task.