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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much do your kids play out?

143 replies

TiredMamOfTwo · 19/10/2023 16:22

Just wondering if I'm being unreasonable here.

Ds7 friends are always knocking for him to play out, in the summer I don't mind with the long light evenings but when it gets dark at 6 I'm not to keen on him playing out.
We have dinner at 5 so doesn't give him much time to play out!
His friends (also 7) complain that it's only early and they are allowed out till 8pm on a school night!
I always say he can play on the weekends, weekends are fine but they always want to play out on the weekdays.
Ds7 says I'm being mean also can't have them in as there's around four/five of them and ds7 has the box room. 🙈

Am I being unreasonable? He's also diabetic so I don't feel comfortable letting him go to his friends houses just yet as he's not able to look after himself!

OP posts:
stylishnot · 21/10/2023 08:55

I can't even imagine my ds saying his friends are out till 8pm. My ds is tucked in bed with a book at that time. Parents here are so different.

DinnaeFashYersel · 21/10/2023 12:19

Toffeebythesea · 20/10/2023 22:46

Mumsnet is a very strange place. I have read previous threads on Mumsnet where people are outraged about leaving your children in the locked car whilst you pay for petrol. Yet many on this thread think it's ok to let a 5 year old play out in the street unsupervised.
We live in the South West and I don't know anyone whose children play out in this way.
Our primary school doesn't allow children to to walk to school on their own until year 6 and we live very nearby.

I find it strange too because where I live all the kids play out from 5/6/7 unless they live on a busy road and children walk, scoot and cycle to and from school from P1 (traffic depending). Yet this gives people in other parts of the country a coronary.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/10/2023 12:23

I was out from breakfast to lunch then again til dinner in the 60s/70s. Our kids didn’t “play out” at all in the 90s/2000s. Started going into town with friends around 12 at weekends (less than mile walk, home by 5pm). They’re both perfectly able adults now. Grandchild won’t be playing out either. World’s a very different place than it was in the 60s. Little girl of 3 knocked over by a car on our daughter’s estate just a few weeks ago. Still a large crowd of kids of all ages playing on same street every night.

Toffeebythesea · 21/10/2023 12:56

@DinnaeFashYersel

It gives people a coronary because it is hugely unsafe. Allowing a 5 year old to play anywhere that cars might drive is an accident waiting to happen. They can not be considered capable of making a judgement about what is safe.
I had thought it was fairly standard across the uk that year 5 or 6 is the age when it's considered ok to walk to school unsupervised. I think this decision clearly shows what a suitable age for playing out is.

DinnaeFashYersel · 21/10/2023 13:03

Toffeebythesea · 21/10/2023 12:56

@DinnaeFashYersel

It gives people a coronary because it is hugely unsafe. Allowing a 5 year old to play anywhere that cars might drive is an accident waiting to happen. They can not be considered capable of making a judgement about what is safe.
I had thought it was fairly standard across the uk that year 5 or 6 is the age when it's considered ok to walk to school unsupervised. I think this decision clearly shows what a suitable age for playing out is.

Did you not read the bits where I talked about it being traffic dependent and about busy roads?

In Scotland we don't use 'Years' to describe primary school. It's P1, P2 etc. and it's not up to schools to decide.

It's common for children to walk home from school if they live close by and don't have busy roads to cross. Or they walk with older siblings.

Some do walk with adults - if they live too far or have busy roads. Rarely after P4. (That might be your Year 5 but I'm not sure)

My own two walked to and from the bus stop and then took the bus.

Beezknees · 21/10/2023 13:10

My DS never did. I don't live in the kind of area where you can "play out."

Toffeebythesea · 21/10/2023 13:12

@DinnaeFashYersel

There will be cars in any area where there are houses. People coming to and from their home, Amazon delivery men. This is never going to be safe

DinnaeFashYersel · 21/10/2023 13:13

Toffeebythesea · 21/10/2023 13:12

@DinnaeFashYersel

There will be cars in any area where there are houses. People coming to and from their home, Amazon delivery men. This is never going to be safe

Again it's traffic depending, busy roads dependent and age dependent and I am going to add in child dependent too.

This is quite normal where in Scotland do you know what car traffic deaths are currently at the lowest levels since records began.

Samlewis96 · 21/10/2023 16:15

DelurkingAJ · 20/10/2023 23:45

Nope. No playing out here and DS1 is Y6. Plenty of playing in the garden. No different to my own upbringing in the 1980s.

Some of DS1’s classmates did play out from about 7 and I’m afraid their behaviour has cemented my view that it wasn’t happening. One broke an arm falling out of a tree, one nearly got run over by a friend of mine (luckily she was doing 10mph when he dashed into the street from behind a car) and two had to be stopped from stabbing a third child with a stick (I know because I was the person who stopped them).

Lol my DD managed to fall out of a tree and break her arm at the age of 12. Can't necessarily stop everything happening

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 17:15

DinnaeFashYersel · 21/10/2023 13:13

Again it's traffic depending, busy roads dependent and age dependent and I am going to add in child dependent too.

This is quite normal where in Scotland do you know what car traffic deaths are currently at the lowest levels since records began.

Edited
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It’s quite normal where I live in England as well.

It’s always amusing that people assume other people are incapable of risk assessing for their own children just because they do something differently in terms of playing out and walking to/from school!

AutumnLeaves333 · 21/10/2023 17:28

My kids play out, even my 5yo, although his permitted boundaries are far tighter than my 9yo and hers are tighter than my 13yo. They have a great time in the summer, are hardly indoors at all and benefit from it hugely, I would far rather they were out running around with other kids than sitting inside, and yes, I accept the risks that come along with unsupervised outdoor play, although I believe the benefits outweigh those risks.

in the winter the younger 2 aren’t allowed out in the dark so ‘playing out’ is limited to weekends only. They’ve all been playing out in storm Babet today and come in for several changes of clothes but had a great time (yes I’m happy for them to play out in a storm, the area that I live in is away from any water source or big trees etc and the wind has died down so mostly just jumping in puddles)

rubyjan · 21/10/2023 18:52

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rubyjan · 21/10/2023 18:54

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Moveoverdarlin · 21/10/2023 18:55

Never. We live quite rurally so no friends within walking distance. They play in the garden loads and have play dates, but it would be organised before hand.

rubyjan · 21/10/2023 19:47

So mumsnet deleted my post regarding child safety and the real actual risk outside.

Lol

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 19:49

the real actual risk outside

People are far more aware of the actual risks in their areas than you - who has no idea where they live - do

rubyjan · 21/10/2023 19:52

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 19:49

the real actual risk outside

People are far more aware of the actual risks in their areas than you - who has no idea where they live - do

Yes because I'm sure most parents of kidnapped children thought they knew the "risks" of their actual area.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 20:00

rubyjan · 21/10/2023 19:52

Yes because I'm sure most parents of kidnapped children thought they knew the "risks" of their actual area.

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If you’re going to be facetious- children are statistically at less risk from strangers than they are their own family members. So safer outside playing despite the minute risk of kidnap than than with the people most likely to do harm to them…

Underestimated4 · 21/10/2023 21:10

My 7 year old doesn’t ‘play out’ yet.

Ladyluck22 · 21/10/2023 22:07

I would say school nights playing out till 7pm is fine if playing out the front of the house.

Yesyoucant · 21/10/2023 22:15

I'm always surprised when I read on these kind of threads that then school won't let a 9/10 year old walk to school themselves...how can they even mandate this?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 22:17

Yesyoucant · 21/10/2023 22:15

I'm always surprised when I read on these kind of threads that then school won't let a 9/10 year old walk to school themselves...how can they even mandate this?

They can’t mandate it.

people just assume that because a school have said it’s a policy it’s the schools choice when it’s actually not.

Yesyoucant · 21/10/2023 22:20

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/10/2023 22:17

They can’t mandate it.

people just assume that because a school have said it’s a policy it’s the schools choice when it’s actually not.

Show quote history

So some schools just say this and no one ever challenges it?

Toffeebythesea · 21/10/2023 23:25

But perhaps people should think about the reasons behind why schools are saying 9/10 is an appropriate age to be venturing out of the house alone. Clearly it is because it is not considered safe before this. Any parent who thinks they've done a risk assessment which makes it safe to allow their 5 year old out to play unsupervised is fooling themselves. This can never be safe.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/10/2023 01:59

Yesyoucant · 21/10/2023 22:20

So some schools just say this and no one ever challenges it?

Show quote history

Yes. You can see when it comes up on here that many people think that because a school says it’s a rule that it’s not something they can go against or speak to the school about.