Stopped by old man

[Unsurehowtofeel]

It's a strange one.

I was returning something in a supermarket today and as I walked in the alarms beeped. I was the only one walking in or out at the time so i knew it was me, but thought nothing of it and carried on to the customer service desk because A) I was walking in, not out and B) I didn't see or hear any security stopping me.

It's one of those supermarkets with automatic doors and a meter or so in is some electronic gates to enter the shop or to the left is open access for leaving. Customer service is also to the left.

Anyway, as I was making my way to customer services (walking against the traffic of people walking out) an old man and his wife blocked my way. I was confused. The man then held my trolly and started trying to turn it around towards a colleague stood behind on the other side of the doors (not customer services side) who in retrospect I think had tried to get my attention.

I have some social anxiety and at the time I was panicy thinking how can he (security) think I'm stealing when I'm walking in.

All security was asking in the end was whether the tag was still on it because he could remove it there for me.

Now I'm left feeling somewhat strange. The way an old man thought he could stop me from entering the shop and just his entitlement. Its made me feel all weird and icky. I dont know if it's because I didn't stick up for myself when I feel like I should have or whether it's because of his entitlement.

Just here to get it off my chest really 😂and any advice welcome for how to deal with men like that next time.

Arrogant and controlling of him to have blocked your way and physically held your trolley. Bet he wouldn’t have done it to a strapping man.

on the other hand, didn’t some foolish member of the government say that the public should stop shoplifters recently?

He could do that with words.

Just side step and ignore, if they persist a rage "get lost" works well if you say it either enough attitude.

I watched one too many videos on TikTok where people film themselves doing inappropriate things (incl stealing) while the public is just watching on the side quietly.

I do think he's probably of the last generation of 'busybodies' who feel some social responsibility to be involved. He misjudged the situation, and could've went about it in a better way, but clearly had good intentions (for the society he's part of if not for the individual Op).

@BIWI so should we not describe anybody and just say - A Human.

"a man"
"a woman"
= Neutral, non judgemental language.
"An elderly man"
=Polite and non judgemental factual way of describing someone's age when age is relevant. Which man stopped you, OP? The elderly one over there, or the younger one over here?
"An old man" (repeated several times when completely irrelevant to the anecdote= ageist, judgemental and goady)

Language matters.

A woman blocked my trolley= fact
A fat woman blocked my trolley= offensive, irrelevant, judgemental
A black woman blocked my trolley...
An old woman blocked my trolley..

If that's too hard to understand, try describing your own children.

"X's daughter"
X's fat daughter"
X's thick daughter"
X's ugly daughter"

Which of these may be true, but are neutral and which are fucking offensive and irrelevant?

An over the top response and silly thread derailment from @BUWI I think

Possibly relevant to the scene in the OP to mention age, whether young or old, as they were using physicality and minimal force.

I agree with those saying that it was inappropriate of the man to physically take hold of your trolley in that way and move it. Completely unnecessary, and a repeated word would have sufficed @Unsurehowtofeel

Not sure why you felt the need to mention his age.

He’s doing exactly what our esteemed Government is telling us all to do. You missed the memo.

(What’s his age got to do with anything?)

The drama about saying he is an old man.

Quite.

It's unfair to people posting for advice and support. Very badly done and unwelcoming, and it's happening too often. Answer the question in the OP first then query whether it was necessary to mention approximate age.

To be fair these days you can't say man or woman so just say human to be on the safe side.

Why is someone's sex more neutral and relevant than their age?

Getting back to the OP, I'd have channelled my inner Billy Connolly and said 'What the fuck do you think you're doing!"

It wasn't relevant to the story.
Obviously.
But ageism is the last bastion of -isms on MN.

If she'd repeated he was black several times, (also factual) would it be OK? Would him being black (or old, or disabled, or ugly, or smelly) ever be relevant to him having behaved inappropriately with her? (Which he did)

Pretty much sums up every pro argument. ‘Fuck off if you don’t agree with me’

There is an article on Care.org.uk about children being allowed to self-identify as animals in schools.

Ignore the bullies with nothing better to do than go on Mumsnet to look for people to mass-attack because they have anger issues and derive pleasure giving strangers a good kicking. And for a forum where people continually whine about snowflakes being offended by everything, they sure are quick to play the "I'm so offended" card if someone doesn't word their posts in the very precise way they find acceptable.

It isn't ageist at all and his age is very relevant. An elderly man accosting you is clearly very different from a young man doing so.

If someone posted that that a strange man had physically accosted them, used his body to block her path, physically laid his hands on her possessions in an attempt to physically control her, every single post would be outraged on her behalf and calling it assault and misogyny.

It's clearly not acceptable for a man to physically accost a strange woman.

Totally understand what you're saying but I don't think saying "old" is in the same category as fat or ugly.

Was it Joe Biden? There have been several threads this week about his unacceptably advanced age. 😁

Seriously - given that someone who worked at the shop was also trying to get your attention and the couple were apparently (if clumsily) pointing that out, I'd let it go and not worry too much. When the alarm goes off on your way IN, it's pretty likely that you've got a leftover tag from another shop, and it's good to get it sorted out so you don't - much more suspiciously - beep on the way out.

But in general - all you can really do is be prepared to stand up for yourself if another customer/a member of the public unacceptably intervenes in your going about your business; probably the anxiety has made this more difficult.

Also, a woman who has mental health problems posts asked for support and sympathy after a very upsetting incident - most women would find a strange man physically grabbing their possessions and blocking their path to be frightening and upsetting.

Choosing to give a vulnerable upset person a good kicking (and the evident self-satisfied relish that those posters do it with) is just despicable behaviour.

I've noticed a trend on MN that if anyone mentions they have a mental illness or says anything to indicate they they're vulnerable, it often acts like a red flag to those who enjoy kicking others and substantially increases the chance of receiving an attack.

I would put money that there are some posters who only come here because they want to find an outlet for their rage, and they actively look for certain keywords like "anxiety" because they know those posters are more likely to be good targets.

It reminds me of those gangs of [redacted can't possibly reference someone's age or gender!!] who go around urinating on rough sleepers. Some people really really do get off on hurting others and will actively look for any chance to do so.

I’m not sure why the use of the word old is offensive either. It’s a reality that those of us fortunate enough to live long enough will become old one day, surely that is a blessing and not something that needs to be shut down.

"X's daughter"
X's fat daughter"
X's thick daughter"
X's ugly daughter"

Which of these may be true, but are neutral and which are fucking offensive and irrelevant?

Sorry, so you are saying being old is a bad thing? Hmm maybe it’s YOU who is being offensive??
I don’t see being old as a bad thing same as I don’t see being black as a bad thing. Maybe that’s where we differ 🤔