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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stopped by old man

188 replies

Unsurehowtofeel · 18/10/2023 13:47

It's a strange one.

I was returning something in a supermarket today and as I walked in the alarms beeped. I was the only one walking in or out at the time so i knew it was me, but thought nothing of it and carried on to the customer service desk because A) I was walking in, not out and B) I didn't see or hear any security stopping me.

It's one of those supermarkets with automatic doors and a meter or so in is some electronic gates to enter the shop or to the left is open access for leaving. Customer service is also to the left.

Anyway, as I was making my way to customer services (walking against the traffic of people walking out) an old man and his wife blocked my way. I was confused. The man then held my trolly and started trying to turn it around towards a colleague stood behind on the other side of the doors (not customer services side) who in retrospect I think had tried to get my attention.

I have some social anxiety and at the time I was panicy thinking how can he (security) think I'm stealing when I'm walking in.

All security was asking in the end was whether the tag was still on it because he could remove it there for me.

Now I'm left feeling somewhat strange. The way an old man thought he could stop me from entering the shop and just his entitlement. Its made me feel all weird and icky. I dont know if it's because I didn't stick up for myself when I feel like I should have or whether it's because of his entitlement.

Just here to get it off my chest really 😂and any advice welcome for how to deal with men like that next time.

OP posts:
AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 17:39

Ffsmakeitstop · 18/10/2023 14:56

Why the fuck do people get so snarky when age is mentioned? Sometimes it's relevant sometimes it's not but really no need to get arsey over it.
By the way I am a 65 year old women if that's of any relevance at all. If I am arsey it's usually age related as I am now of an age where bullshit will not be tolerated.

I don't get this either. The OP could say 'I had a horrible experience today. An old man, around 75, punched me in the face and I fell to the ground,. Then he kicked me in the stomach, called me a cunt, and threw petrol over me and threatened to set fire to me.' And SOMEONE will come on straight away and say 'what has his age got to do with anything OP?' and 'you lost me at 'OLD MAN!' and 'typical ageist post!' Hmm No advice or help or sympathy or kindness or empathy, just a finger wagging scolding for saying 'old man.' FFS! Hmm

Does my head in too, how some people get so salty and faux-offended when someone DARES to say someone was a bit 'old.' No-one would say a bloody thing if someone said 'this young man...'

I think some people just love to moan and carp, and find something to get offended about. It's pathetic. And I say that as someone who is near retirement age. Get a grip people FFS! Hmm

Also @Unsurehowtofeel yes this WAS very odd behaviour from this man. I don't know what I would have done, but I would have been tempted to ram my trolley into him. I have had something similar before when someone was pushing me forward in the queue, just jabbing and jarring. I turned sideways, and jolted my hip out, and knocked this woman flying.

If she hadn't been so close that she was TOUCHING me, it wouldn't have happened. She looked shocked, and I just glared at her. (And yes it did happen, before someone suggests it didn't! I know some posters refuse to believe people when they say they have done a certain thing, if they have never done it themselves.)

Timewasterextraordinaire · 18/10/2023 17:40

I agree - I’m quite mild mannered but I think I would have had an issue with someone trying to manhandle me ( using my trolley it true ) in another direction .

BobblePin · 18/10/2023 17:43

The old man wasn't there. He was the ghost of your great great grandfather who founded the shop originally. He wanted to warn you that you had loo roll stuck to your shoe. He will haunt you until you take it off.

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It's batshit isn't it? As I said, some people just HAVE to find something to be offended about. 🙄 No help or advice or empathy for the OP's issue or dilemma; just finger wagging and scolding over one fecking word! Utterly pathetic.

0ElectronBlue0 · 18/10/2023 17:44

Who knew describing someone was ageist? Bloody hell, I look forward to the censoring of classic novels…

Notamum12345577 · 18/10/2023 17:44

Some old men have nothing better to do than protect the world against ‘youngsters’ 😁, I think that OP mentioning that he was old was absolutely fine

LilyThePinksDealer · 18/10/2023 17:46

I now remove the security tag when I've paid. Peeled the thing off hair dye now because i pain Asda and the thing went off in Boots - so embarrassing

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 17:49

0ElectronBlue0 · 18/10/2023 17:44

Who knew describing someone was ageist? Bloody hell, I look forward to the censoring of classic novels…

Pretty sure that's already happening 🙄... because of the wokery and social justice warriors! That, and people who wrote certain films and TV shows (in the past,) now apologising for what they wrote 30- 40 years ago. Fucking bonkers! I would not be apologising for anything I did or said 40 years ago. Not when it was perfectly OK to say it then.

0ElectronBlue0 · 18/10/2023 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

As for mentioning he had a wife 🫢 well that’s just homophobic isn’t it? There was no need to mention her sex?.. Am I doing this right?

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/10/2023 17:54

Think he was just directing you to the security guard but maybe thought you were deaf or hard of hearing since you hadn't heard them.

Robotalkingrubbish · 18/10/2023 17:58

BIWI · 18/10/2023 15:45

@Robotalkingrubbish resorting to personal attacks?

Your comment directed at @Unsurehowtofeel wasn’t exactly pleasant. I just pointed out that you seemed a tad lacking in empathy, hardly a personal attack.

GoonieGang · 18/10/2023 18:00

What has old got to do with it? And you admit a store colleague was trying to get your attention and you knowingly ignored them; so why do you think he was entitled in any way?

GoonieGang · 18/10/2023 18:05

How to handle it? Stop when you bleep coming or going from a store. If you had done so the ‘old man’ wouldn’t have had to get involved

Wonkasworld · 18/10/2023 18:06

What a surprise the anxious OP hasn't returned.

Thewolvesarerunningagain · 18/10/2023 18:08

GoonieGang · 18/10/2023 18:05

How to handle it? Stop when you bleep coming or going from a store. If you had done so the ‘old man’ wouldn’t have had to get involved

He didn’t HAVE to. He chose to, knowing that his age would protect him against any comebacks. It’s entitled and rude

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 18:13

GoonieGang · 18/10/2023 18:00

What has old got to do with it? And you admit a store colleague was trying to get your attention and you knowingly ignored them; so why do you think he was entitled in any way?

Keep up @GoonieGang this was mentioned AGES ago by a few other (easily offended) people.

ilovemydogmore · 18/10/2023 18:14

OP the best way to stop feeling this way is just to shout back and match his energy. I used to be passive like this and stew for days, now I put people in their place and don't let them boss me around just because I'm a younger woman. It feels good! Shout at entitled old men!

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 18:15

Wonkasworld · 18/10/2023 18:06

What a surprise the anxious OP hasn't returned.

Are you really shocked? First post she gets has no empathy or help or advice, and only a scolding and a finger wagging - from a poster having a go at her for having the temerity to say he was an old man 🙄 Nothing else, just a 'telling off!' Followed by a few others jumping on the OP too. I don't blame the OP for not returning.

ilovemydogmore · 18/10/2023 18:16

Notamum12345577 · 18/10/2023 17:44

Some old men have nothing better to do than protect the world against ‘youngsters’ 😁, I think that OP mentioning that he was old was absolutely fine

Agree and I think people are being obtuse on purpose.

It's clear when someone's being a dick vs just being a nice helpful person.

The mention of 'old man in supermarket' conjures up a very specific type of busybody that likes to go round controlling situations and telling people what to do. We've all encountered them.

Wonkasworld · 18/10/2023 18:17

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 18:13

Keep up @GoonieGang this was mentioned AGES ago by a few other (easily offended) people.

And those people still haven't given a (credible) reason why it would be acceptable to have described the person by their race, if it was OK to do so by age.

Ironfloor269 · 18/10/2023 18:18

I'd like to think I'd kick him in the nuts.

HazardLights · 18/10/2023 18:20

ilovesooty · 18/10/2023 16:08

It's not faux naive.

She didn't need to put age at the centre of the thread title.

Oh hi @ilovesooty I’m happy with my point and don’t fancy going round in circles on someone else’s thread, sure there’s plenty of others available though.

HazardLights · 18/10/2023 18:21

Wonkasworld · 18/10/2023 18:17

And those people still haven't given a (credible) reason why it would be acceptable to have described the person by their race, if it was OK to do so by age.

I did actually give my reply to that. Perhaps you skimmed past it.

GoonieGang · 18/10/2023 18:25

AlexaCanYouHearMe · 18/10/2023 18:13

Keep up @GoonieGang this was mentioned AGES ago by a few other (easily offended) people.

I would say it’s the OP who is easily offended, to the point she has to make an ageist post. And just because someone else has highlighted it already, doesn’t mean I can’t too 👍

CatsAreBetterThanPpl · 18/10/2023 18:26

I think people here are getting a bit too focussed on the age thing and sure they wouldn't appreciate this happening to them while they're doing their shop.

OP, it this had happened to me I'd be asking why they were touching my trolley. What rights they had? I also probably would have been at risk of getting annoyed with them.

Total entitlement and nothing to do with Mr and Mrs do gooder busy body :)