to uninvite these children to my wedding.

[ThirdDressStress]

Ok this is messy. I have a family member who has supervised contact with her children, me being the supervisor. All fine, it ticks along and the children are invited to my wedding in a few weeks with their mum (my family member) then dad will collect them.

Firstly dad was being awkward around times and wanted to collect them in the middle of the wedding breakfast. We reached a compromise that he would collect them before the wedding breakfast because he felt afterwards would be too late (there is a long journey home so he's not being unreasonable).

Now we have a situation where dad has decided to stop contact. I won't comment on whether or not I agree with this as it's not really relevant. He has said mum will have to go back to court to reestablish contact. Now this is not going to be a fast process.

So very selfishly of me - Dad has said the kids are still ok to go to the wedding - however I am concerned that seeing mum after no contact for a couple of weeks is going to be confusing to the children and they are going t be very upset when they have to leave knowing they won't see mum again until who knows when.

I really don't want a scene at the wedding, I don't want my family member being upset or young children being dragged away in distress. It will be awful for them, for my family member, for me and everyone else at the wedding to witness.

If i uninvite them I will be the ad guy but I think it's in their best interest to? Or would it be a nice opportunity to see their mum?

The children are 5 & 6.

I love it when people don’t quote the poster they’re replying to, no one knows what the fuck you’re taking about or who you’re talking to mate.

Well when I read a post and then below it, it says "reply" and I replied to that post, that should entail and solve all the dilemmas you just listed. Does it not do that? I'm very new to this website.

Nope it doesn’t. It just takes you to the box to leave a message.

Next time, click on the three dots to the right of the post you want to respond too. Click on ‘quote’ and everyone can see who you’re talking too. Or you can go to the box and just @ the person by tagging their username

@ThirdDressStress this is a good point. The kids won't know how long etc the wedding would last.

Could someone (one of your siblings partners maybe) organise an activity immediately after the wedding ceremony and before the breakfast for all the cousins. So kids can have a few minutes with mum whilst photos are taken. Then rush off for this super fun activity and then dad takes them from there. So no long drawn out goodbye. No realisation that they are missing out on the rest of the day. And no other bored children waiting for the breakfast to start.

I think I'd go for half way through the breakfast leaving.

How will young kids know there are more courses to come?

As long as someone is carefully supervising and dad contacts them to say he is there/agree leave at 3pm and supervisor arranges a discrete Passover.
Obviously you don't want dad coming into wedding venue but better to have longer at the wedding I think. (Assuming people can be trusted)

Ok, great. Thanks for the info!

Perhaps it's worth thinking about ways to soften their departure. Maybe relating it to experiences they're more familiar with - give them a party bag with some gifts and toys, sweets, a small cake. Maybe you could even send them a little something ahead of time to manage expectations "I'm so happy to hear you're going to come to my wedding. I know grown up parties are very boring, but I'm really pleased you'll be able to see me in my beautiful dress and we can take a photo together to put on the wall. I might even have a special party bag for you when Daddy comes to pick you up!"

Make sure there's a photo taken of you with them to give them later. They may not remember the wedding much as adults, but if they've got a photo that proves they were there then they have a tangible thing to refer back to so they feel included.

@CatMattress we have made little party bags and I know their mum has some Halloween gift baskets that she won't be able to give to them before the wedding now so that's something to think about.

I am waiting for Dads final decision. I just want everyone to be happy and not upset anyone.

did you hear back from him @thirddressstress

You don't sound spolit bridezilla at all to me. You sound like a person wanting to put the children first and not have them upset. Nothing at all spoilt about that. Also you deserve to enjoy your day.