Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

It’s just money and a bit of poshness.

We must share a brain . . . 😁

Not sure what wealthy people you are talking about...but all the wealthy people I know have full time cleaners and/or housekeepers with immaculate homes....not messy as you describe.

So cute how she drinks and rives too, squee!

Seems a weird thing to aspire to.

Living life. People have other interests beyond cleaning and organising. If I didn't have a job, I would find dozens of things I could do with my time before cleaning even entered my radar - going to a gallery, learning a language, going to the gym, taking an evening class, painting, reading, sewing, knitting, taking dogs out for a long walk...

I’ve got extended family like this. Never ever cleaned their oven, but bought a new one every couple of years instead.

Messy doesn’t hit the same when it’s a heap of old barbours in the boot room and a pile of oil paintings that noone’s hung in the corner of the second sitting room, still scream wealth and don’t get in the way of life!

Well, @Blinkertink , not that I need an excuse but mine is I'm usually so busy ferrying the kids to their activities/social lives and then doing something nice with my life on my child free weekends and evening, that I live in a dusty and dog hair ridden mess and some days I don't even get a brush through my hair. I do work part time though, study a Masters part time, volunteer for a couple of charities and do a bit of the care work for my mum. I also have that thick wavy hair that you can just put up in a bun and look dishevelled but ok and lots of lovely clothes, shoes and bags for when I scrub up. The kids are similar.

Do I care what anyone else thinks? I do not, I just care that my sons are at a riding lesson or volunteering at the stables when they should be, or away at a cadet shooting weekend, or they're at the right young farmers meet up, or we've made it to the theatre or cinema or restaurant when we've booked to be there or whatever and if I'm not doing that, working, studying or wiping poo off my mum's floor 🙄 I'm wrapped round a large Malbec and a cuddly chap in a country pub or we're wandering around some very expensive shops or eating somewhere lovely. Last Winter, the boys and I got into beagling as a family and you will never have seen mud like it, some of which is still in my car. The mud, the ironing and the dog hair, I can assure you, are nowhere on my list of priorities or the kids' list of concerns for that matter and I would be saying the same to social services if they ever arrive!

Some people just have different priorities and mine is living life while I've got my boys at home as one day they'll grow up and leave and I'll get old(er) and not want to put something nice on and go for a drink or do lunch or go shopping and then I'll have all the time in the world to be tidy! You crack on with your hoover because it's all good here 😉

I'm a messy/disorganised mum, I hope I come across as one of these because we're far from wealthy and I'm stressed to high heaven some days so a chilled vibe would be nice 😂😅

"If you're not working" was perhaps the part of my post you didn't read?

MN's favourite drool topic, it really gets the juices flowing doesn't it, money? Especially other peoples and the green eyed monster. How to look wealthier, how to behave in a way which denotes higher social status. Oh it is such an aphrodisiac to the insecure, underpaid or bored witless across boxed in little living rooms across the UK.

I say bring back the 90's attitude to cookie cutter wealth and secretly seething 'perfect' families, which Motherland was obviously sending up. If you want 'messy' try bohemianism, at least some of us with privilege still enjoy the arts and a good book without desperately stocking up on cheesy signifiers.

This is all me except I work haha

Nigella lawson used little glass jars from... idk... bloater paste jars or other... and put tea lights in them for her 'informal' dinner parties.

Whole place reeked of money and elegant living and the jars looked very shabby chic.

Doesn't it just. Cant imagine lolling around the gallery with my scruffy kids with a mess festering at home.

The inverted snobbery on this thread is weird. Like you can't possibly imagine that other people have internal lives that you know nothing about.

It's not necessarily inverted snobbery. I'm from the same class, and wealth, background (though I'm not currently wealthy!) as these people. I just haven't opted into their chosen lifestyle.

As a pp said, some think we don't know their code and rules, but we certainly do. (Sorry for probable misquote )

I'd also add that I don't think these people are necessarily always extremely wealthy, but usually less in terms of money worries.

Indeed. Especially puzzling given the many threads on here where parents of private school kids are vilified for their choice. How does that go together?!

This thread reeks of humble bragging.

I live in one of the areas mentioned above and clothes, toys even your husband's old trunks(as good quality to begin with) are regularly swapped and shared on a WhatsApp group, you can clothe and provide the toys, car seats, bikes etc for almost zero pounds for your child through primary! Not sure about jobs in Investment Banking more likely media/TV PR, Architecture or Artist.

This is the area I live in but I'm in the well-off but not wealthy crowd who work full time and have to run the house like a machine to get through it all. I wouldn't swap although the big old houses are gorgeous. I'm slightly envious of how haphazard and 'fly by the seat of their pants' these mums can be but that's what having money in the bank and no job to occupy themselves perhaps creates. Most people have to budget and plan finances if it's not in endless supply which leads to a more organised life in general I think.

@Blinkertink , I was replying to the post where you stated there was 'no excuse', not your subsequent one. In response to that post, as a pp said, I'm living life! Maybe you should try it?

Now see, I disagree as I reckon her blow dry isn’t in keeping with this vibe.

@LolaSmiles hits the nail on the head I sometimes wonder if people confuse a bit of clutter and a parent who thinks life's too short to coordinate their children's socks with living in total filth and chaos. The former doesn't matter regardless of income. The latter is a problem regardless of income

I think it’s easier to not sweat the small stuff though if you aren’t worried about money and are really comfortable in your own skin / in your ‘social position’

I am, hands up, rich + surface level shambolic. Big mortgage free house, watch that costs more than the average car. But I drive an 11 yo Toyota and I often look like I’ve just emerged from a fight with a hedge on the morning school run. The children definitely don’t have their hair cut as often as they could, and the only matching socks they own are their school uniform…

I wouldn’t wear active wear because I’ve always felt like exercising overtly, much like driving a very big shiny car or posting photos of all inclusive resorts in the Maldives, to be a bit showy. No need!

But underneath the exterior shambles is a pretty tight ship. Dogs are diligently walked, the children eat well, have a good range of outdoors activities, dentist appointments are never missed - I do have a housekeeper so it’s never more than surface level untidy.

all this to say - it’s easy for me to not sweat the little stuff - because I know on a fundamental level that I have layers of security. I have a long (+ expensive) education behind me so i never worry about how I sound - i generally don’t give a fig what anyone else thinks because I know my children are fine.

it is a huge privilege to feel the level of comfort that enables you to let go of worrying about what other people think. That letting go is much much easier when other people aren’t predisposed to think negative things about you.

being truly disgusting + living in a house that is an actual health hazard is inexcusable regardless of social situation. And is less forgivable in the very wealthy because they mostly have fewer reasons for allowing it to be so.

This is who I pictured.. Maybe outnumbered meets motherland vibes.

I imagine Sophie Ellis Bextors house to be like this.

i have a relative like this but the kids have snotty noses that never get wiped properly. I can see the 11 year old starting to rebel against all the scandi clothes which never matches. Their house is worth 3 million but the bathrooms need a good scrub. And the telly is never on because the kids prefer to run up and chasing each other (they really dont)

1000% Carrie Johnson invests too much obvious effort to count!

(she looks lovely - but she evidently tries to make sure she looks nice)