Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

It's posh clutter though. A jumble of expensive coffee, organic and herb tea and chunky mugs in muted pottery that cost £40 each jostle for space on the side rather than chipped supermarket mugs and value tea and instant coffee.

I do think it's to show that keeping house is only for lowly minds with too much time on their hands for cleaning and not enough time for drinking reds, arguing posh politics, discussing obscure books and cooking obscure foods. People I know like that have cleaners a couple of times a week but you'd never know it from the state of the house. I guess it's actually clean underneath the mess, but the mess must never be moved, that would be horrifying as the clutter is part of the curated effect.

I can understand that. I often wondered what the children involved would think about it all.

It felt at times, with some of these people, like good PR for being disorganised, messy and living in chaos. ' But we're having fun, we're clever, and we're different from other people' sort of thing.

I would say that DH Mother is like this to an extent, she grew up with staff, I know the house she grew up in sold for something like 3 million about 20 years ago. It had a tennis court. She herself had a housekeeper, speaks multiple languages but is massively disorganised. Still looks a bit through a hedge backwards sometimes, cut glass accent, in to yoga and alternative therapies. Organises school reunions of the gels she went to prep school with, held many a dinner party when DH was a kid but didn’t do the actual work herself. Her smaller house post divorce has a few original oil paintings and works of art from India brought back by her Mother who was there as a child in that time period that was Last Days of the Raj. She has piles of books and papers all over the place.

This is the young wealthy families of Hampstead/Primrose Hill. Having an investment Banker husband will help facilitate this.

"You're so very organised, aren't you!" is not meant as a compliment from them to you either.

I'm a bit like this: messy (!), expensively educated, rich parents, beautiful house, a tribe of messy cool dc, some dogs idling about on the furniture, endless trips away.

But then I do work so I spose that disqualifies me 😁

I know a woman like this. She is lovely. Kind, straightforward but a bit messy. Kids generally clean but wear weird outfits. Big house- very lived in. Doesn't give a shit what people think of her or her family or her house.

The reality that a lot of people probably don't know is that she has low level bouts of depression and a physical illness that drains her of energy making cleaning and tidying less of a priority. And the kid with the weird clothes has sensory issues and it's better for everyone's mental health to let him wear what he likes.

The inverted snobbery on this thread is weird. Like you can't possibly imagine that other people have internal lives that you know nothing about.

This interesting. I’m from a working lower/middle class background. Both my Mum and my grandmother were absolutely militant about the house being clean and everyone being properly dressed (clean ironed clothes, polished shoes) even though there wasn’t a lot of money. I remember my Nan saying that growing up in the 1930’s in a coal mining town women who hadn’t cleaned their front step by a certain time of day would be judged.

I felt, especially, when my DC were little and I was poorer and more insecure than I am now, under huge pressure to make sure the house was clean, clothes clean and ironed, that they had all the right stuff at school and nursery etc. I agree there is a certain freedom to that kind of coolness especially for women but I can also see the other side of the coin because it is only really socially acceptable if you have money (and possibly are also thin!)

Yess! That EXACT outfit you know little Jane didn’t pick it herself but Mummy created it to look like the toddler has dressed herself 😉

Yes I worked with a woman like this, the farty but glamurous type

It's interesting isn't it. The Mrs Hinch phenomenon and the social media obsession with cleaning and having an immaculate home seems to massively appeal to working class women.

This would be me if I had money and a big house.

As things stand my house is messy with books and wooden furniture everywhere, I invite people round without doing a big tidy, DC always in clean but mismatched bright clothes (mainly from vinted), I always look a mess. I think without money it probably doesn't look cool and relaxed, I think it probably looks stressful and chaotic.

I think there are two types of family who fall broadly into this camp. The first is quite a rural/country type family, often quite horsey, almost always from old money. Might live on a farm or in a farmhouse. These kids are often outdoorsy and barefoot in a slightly feral way and the houses messy and ramshackle.

The other type of family like this are a bit more west London or other urban types, maybe Brighton/Stroud etc. Not necessarily old money, definitely well educated. These are the types who call second hand shopping “preloved” and kind of pretend to be very eco conscious except when it comes to going on naice summer holidays. Not all inclusive though - more likely to be a Villa shared with another couple of similarly “bohemian” families.

I am also from a working class background. The misery of keeping up with the Joneses and being clean and pristine at all times. Spending hours cleaning an already clean house was soul destroying. It took me years to deprogramme and not have deep shame every time I left a dirty dish by the sink.

Come to think of it many of the people I knew like this were not well off at all. One is an artist, the other is actually a social worker and a single parent.

Oh also in my case it's probably ADHD, not coolness.

There's a family of this vibe near us. They run no dig gardening classes from their mansion. All kids at boarding school.
Charles and Camilla also fit the vibe.

Ha. Except I don't like red wine, we have cats and DD hates being outdoors. But you are totally right, funded on inheritance, arty jobs and - also - buying a big house when it was much cheaper. I do work though.

Edited to add: and a shedload of ADHD in there for definite.

This is not me, I work, and that is why life is so chaotic. We have a messy house. But I have drawstring bags hanging up in the hall cupboard with all the uniforms for various activities - so no, I can't lay my hands on a specific toy easily but I am never frantically hunting for swimming costumes or dance shoes.

I suspect these women have similar systems around the chaos.

For me, I don't care what the kids look like or what my house looks like but I really do care about how they behave. There are no crazy free range kids playing by their own rules here. I guess this is the difference between me and properly posh people!

Ah but they are lower middle class "new" money (and not really money) - very different breed to the ones the OP is describing

@evtheria haha. I know what you mean. I live in Chorlton, but the 'wrong' end!

@catgirl1976 Yes, not those type, you’re right (although I’d say possible Botox)

Ooo I think this is maybe the look I’m going for except I don’t have enough money to pull it off so I’m pretty sure people just think oh look there’s that disorganised mum with her scruffy children why doesn’t she just get a job

I don’t think this thread is inverted snobbery as such, it’s a fairly lighthearted discussion of stereotypes and a fairly valid point about how being messy and disorganised as a mum is generally more socially acceptable if you have money and a big house.

Of course you don’t necessarily know what’s going in peoples lives. I’m mid forties and most women by my age have had or are having some sort of trauma or hardship no matter how wealthy they are or how nice their house is.

Is it really just some working class women she appeals to?

I haven't seen it, though from reputation it sounds like extreme cleaning with lots of highly scented chemicals. I may be wrong.

You cannot live that life without a kitchen island. 😂