Those cool, messy, usually wealthy mums

[Shessodowntoearth]

I want to be one 😅
Does anyone know the type?
Usually quite a few kids, at least two, kids are lovely, but generally quite messy/put together in a kooky way.
Houses are beautiful, but messy/disorganised, beautiful pieces everywhere/decoration but with a lived in/messy vibe. The mums are the same, usually seem quite disorganised but chilled out at the same time, generally away somewhere every school holidays and don’t work.
I know quite a few mums like this near me and wonder what this life is like, mainly the having more money. I’d love to be as laid back if people come around, to not care about the mess as the house is so incredible, to not worry if my kids clothes look scruffy in a cool way and to be comfortable in myself. Is this what happens when you come from money?

Ah - X post @SleepingStandingUp !

I've come across one of those types of mummy and I thought she was brilliant. She was always late, scruffy and kids were too, but had the poshest accent and was a very interesting person to talk to. I think what I admire is being able to own yourself. I first saw this at a baby class. I was always embarrassed by how I looked, greasy hair roughly pulled back, clothes that were questionable on their cleanliness, a bit overweight (maybe more than a bit!). Then one day another woman arrived with her baby, greasy hair etc, late, but she was glowing and not embarrassed, and that's when I realised what the difference was. Just need to be who you are at the time point and situation you are living right now, owning it, just like the woman I saw.

It's partly a degree of having spare money too. We seem to end up acquiring too much stuff.

Too many shoes, sports stuff, mountains of books, musical instruments everywhere.

You can be messy if your home is a stunning three floor Victorian house with beautiful period features and a huge kitchen/dinner extension with a glass ceiling and is stuffed full of expensive, good quality furniture.

If you live in a poky council flat which has seen better days with cheap furniture from Argos, being messy is quite a different look

So in a messy/disorganised house with multiple children you always know where every gym shoe?

The whole kooky bohemian vibe must be a complete illusion then.

I know one of these. Farmers wife. The house Is beautiful but ramshackle and chaotic. Farm goes from making millions to a loss one year to the next. She actually works for the farm, so is effectively trapped whether she likes it or not. but also raises 3 young kids because her husband is part of the men who believe parenting isn't their responsibility.

Wouldn't swap it..

Years ago when my eldest was a baby there was a couple (not just the mum) like this. They lived in an amazing house (former vicarage), had four kids and everything (including them) seemed ramshackle, quirky, interesting and monied. It all seemed very Darling Buds of May and it appealed to me a lot but I wasn’t naturally like it (not monied).

I would like things to be really tidy but in reality just don't want to spend the time or mental energy doing that and other things are my focus so have learned to be relaxed about it - otherwise it would drive me mad. That said I am quite organised so finding things isn't an issue and we always have clean clothes and dishes and eat nice food. I just might not have mopped the floor this week (or for, er, quite some time actually) and there is probably a pile of papers which mostly need recycling, on several units.

I'm relaxed because I'm in my late 40s and have been doing this shit for ages and am on adulting level 158, and I just don't worry about things like that any more.

I know a mum like this. She used to pick her kids up from a very posh private school in a clapped out golf the nanny drove.

I’ve been to a few parents big houses who are well off but their houses are an actual shit tip. It doesn’t make me want their life or respect them, they don’t even work then say they are tired and stressed. What do they do all day? The mind boggles.

I think this is what I wish I could be. I do think a lot of it comes from the safety net of generational wealth. The confidence that gives to be yourself, not care what others think because there’s not risk involved.

we have a big house and a nice lifestyle but our parents are very working class, no inheritance and our money predominantly comes from my job. I constantly feel under pressure about how it all looks to others.

I also very much wish I didn’t have to work as much to maintain it all, but it’d feel like a slap in the face to my parents to basically reject everything they ever wanted for us in search of something simpler.

if anyone has found a way to not give a fuck while holding down a corporate job and no wealthy family as a back up plan I’d love to know the secret

Sounds like me but not organised or wealthy. So just messy

I'm halfway there - definitely got the chaos, the mess and the disorganisation! The other half escapes me though...

@Hiphopopotamonster you've articulated what I had in the back of my mind but couldn't put my finger on.

It's all very well to say "Oh I love my beat up Nissan Micra" when you know that if said Micra dies you can easily replace it, or you can use the second car.

I agrée with most of what @CoffeeCantata said

I've known very few of the these, but those fitting most of the description don't have what I'd call beautiful houses, as far as the interior goes, even if they sometimes employ a cleaner, as they're too grubby. You probably wouldn't feel comfortable accepting a drink at their house for that reason.

The children in unironed, secondhand clothes, but dressed quirkily. Free spirits, often outspoken and borderline rude, and will run about unchecked where it's not appropriate to do so).

The negative for me is that I just see the chaos resulting from being too laid back., and as a result I don't believe they can always be as laid back as their public persona suggests. They can also be flakey as far as reliability is concerned. It has too contrived and studied an air for me too, so as to be irritating.

One way to have a lot more money if you are in a higher income bracket is to drive a VW until it falls apart (which will usually be quite a long time) rather than paying £1000 a month PCP for a Porsche 4x4 just so you can have a nice car to show off to people in.

I knew a lovely mum like this with a beautiful massive old house. I was invited in and we sat at the huge oak kitchen table. Three inches of solid rust at bottom of fridge door, random dusty scarf draped “artistically” over greasy lampshade, clutter and mess everywhere, cats strolling along the work surfaces…….and all while my host concentrated on making a roll up from her baccy tin!

Well as an example I know our house looks pretty messy. We have lots of stuff. I’m regularly mid way through a sort out of something and have piles dumped here and there or the kids are crafting and there is stuff from that all over or we’ve been out paddle boarding and things are hanging up drying etc but the shoes are all on the shoe rack and the coats/bags are all hung in the hall and OHs cycling stuff sits on top of a particular cabinet and my work bag is in the kitchen or my bedroom and the kids school bags are always on the end of the sofa and keys are in a bowl on top of the dresser. They may be in no particular order within their spaces and the rooms may look fairly messy but that doesn’t mean we don’t know where things are. I don’t think I’m the mum the OP means but maybe I sort of am as while we don’t have loads of nice furniture we do have a big old Victorian house with original features and lots of art work and we are pretty messy and unfussed by said mess

https://www.itv.com/watch/abbey-clancy-celebrity-homes/10a4775
The second half of this programme she visits Jodie Kidd who is the perfect example!

I prefer a bit of old fashioned working class (which I am, albeit now with middle class money) - fairly strict with the kids especially about being polite and behaving appropriately, children well turned out, home clean and tidy, life organised. I actually do think that living this way is intrinsically better than ramshackle, posh, messy and disorganised 😬 (wouldn’t say it in RL tho).

I know a few women like this. I think the slight messiness is usually because they have very big houses and don't really need to police the space in the same way - they might have a cleaner or they might do it themselves, but the clutter is simply less of an issue. There are usually dogs around too!

Me too. I would love that kind of lifestyle and to dress my boys in lovely bright colours from Boden and those Swedish companies rather than in clothes from asda who only do nice clothes for younger boys and seem to think that all boys over 10 want to wear black, grey and camouflage green. I have to go to the school uniform section and get sweatshirts and polo shirts in red, blue and yellow. But as a mum who doesn't have much money I always feel pressure to always have my dc and the house clean and tidy.

It’s like the only people who say money doesn’t matter or they never think about it are the ones who have a ton of it. Heard someone on tv say that exact thing yesterday while talking about his very successful business. I do like the messy but monied boho vibe though.

Well that’s probably me and a few of my friends. Live in and around Brighton so it’s fairly normal here.

No kitchen islands though (try hard/chavvy) big pine tables…

I don't live in an area where I'd meet many people like this but there are many who aspire to it (only up to a point though). Sharing photos of their 'scruffy' free spirited kids (weird how being free spirited always means they've chosen to wear tutu, wellies and Christmas jumper in trip to park in March). They can't quite bring themselves to go the whole hog and be scruffy themselves though and they definitely care what people think.