to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

Isn’t he meant to be ill?!

Yes, the ex wife. She may need someone to watch her child another time.

Or the 12 year old in a few years. I looked after my sister then she looked after my child a few years later. You don't know when you might need help.

Why do people think the op would ever ask her husbands ex wife for a favour?
This always gets trotted out for some reason.
The only one looking for favours is the ex wife, she will have to take the day off or find someone from her own family or friends list to have her child, op is sick and looking after a toddler already.

Talk about put upon nonsense Because op has a vagina.

I'm not a step parent, but I would (and have once) done it for niece and would help out a friend, especially given that they're secondary school age. 12 years are usually happy with some sort of technology and snacks. If if he's really unwell maybe his bed (assuming he has a bed there).

He's 12, how much looking after does he need?

Same. I've looked after my sister and then her child, she has looked after my child, we share care with friends.

I don't see why you wouldn't want a favour from a step child's parent, male or female, if there is a good relationship between your partner and them then I would see them as a trustworthy person.

Surely a 12 year old can be at home for the afternoon with a duvet, TV and mobile to call their parents if need be?

This is true

One of them would have to take day off

Or

12ye be at home alone all day - shock horror

What when you are feeling crap yourself

I didn't realise you knew the OP, I don't see why she wouldn't.

@AvengedQuince

lol admit it, it’s unlikely

Personally, I don't think it's unlikely, assuming an amicable split. Laugh if you want.

YANBU you are unwell and should be resting, it is fortunate that you are even managing to look after your toddler, saving your partner from having to also take time off work, he is pushing it by asking you to also look after the SS really! You don't need to be in contact with any further germs either, what if you recover then get ill again with the SS germs or there is risk of your toddler catching both yours and your SS lurgys. I would say no, you are already struggling as it is.

Once mine got to year 7 I left them home alone and went to work if they were unwell. Left them with supplies. I think that you could essentially have them in the house as long as they don't expect you to do any cooking or getting drinks etc.

I agree that you should not be in charge. I think it would be different if they were 7 or 8.

I'm firmly on the fence here.

Really, the 12 yr old's parents should sort it out between themselves. One of them should take time off to look after their child.

But:

If you take on a man with children, you also take on his children, and that includes being the default parent if the child's parents are both at work and the child needs an adult.

This is one of many reasons why I have never become, and would never become, involved with a man with children under 18.

@Benminster presume you’d be happy washing out a sick bucket for someone else’s kid when you’re also I’ll yourself then? No because that’s a parents job.

@InchResting no you don’t become the default parent as you’re not that child’s parent, you’re not a step parent so tbh you absolutely do not have a clue.

I think you're wrong.

Even though I am not a step parent to school-aged children, I am old enough to have several close friends who have been through it.

The blended families which work best are those in which the step parent/s act as additional parents, rather than trying to point-score and go down the 'not my circus, not my monkey' route.

At the centre of the OP is a 12 year old child who feels rotten. His parents are both at work, so the only really acceptable thing is for the (step)parent who is at home to have him there. How would you feel to be 12 and know that your two parents prioritise their work over you, and your step mother won't have you either? (For good reasons, to my mind - but not to a 12 yr old). All a 12 yr old can hear is "I feel really sick and nobody wants me".

In the OP's situation, I'd have had to say yes to him being with me, though I'd have hated it.

Which, as I say, is why I wouldn't have become involved with a man with school-aged children. I couldn't have put another person's child at the centre of my world and on an equal footing with my own children. But that's what you need to do if you're going to be a step parent. Anything less than that is just shit for the child.

So op. What happened today

No, a stepparent doesn’t ’need’ to do any such thing. A stepparent isn’t more responsible for a child than the actual parents are.

@Blondeshavemorefun yes we both had Covid (but not in the time where you were required to isolate).