to say mum or dad will need to take the day off

[lilyloleth]

I'm unwell at the moment. Suspect maybe covid. I'm very tired, feel nauseous, sore throat, blocked nose, coughing up suspicious looking stuff... blugh. Basically I feel like utter shit. I'm off work and have been since the start of the week. I can just about move from bed to the sofa and stay here most of the day apart from to drag myself to drop and pick up my toddler at nursery who so far seems to have avoided this plague!

DH is working until later on this evening. He has rang me this morning to say that older SS (12) is also now unwell and his mum was asking to drop him off here as she needs to go to work this afternoon.

I've said no unless DH is planning on coming home to look after him or his mum can take the day off.

Aibu saying either DH can come home or his mum can take the day off? DH is saying he can't come home and his mum is also saying she can't take the day off because they are understaffed.

I don't feel up to caring for myself let alone a sick child. And I may soon have a sick toddler to deal with too so need to rest whilst I can.

Tbh given he’s 12 I wouldn’t be that bothered. He won’t need much supervision at that age anyway.

But if you feel it’s too much then fair enough.

YABU if you ever expect either of them to help you out with your toddler when ill in the future.

WTAF. Her husband is the toddler’s father so yes he should “help OP out” with the child he created with her. 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Raise your standards! You’re all for him opting out of looking after his eldest (op can do it blah blah), and you’re also all for him opting out of looking after his youngest as a messed up way of getting his own back on op.

Why would she expect her husband’s ex to look after their toddler?

The OP is only at home because she's off sick. If she was at work, her DH and his ex would have to come up with a solution. So, whatever that solution would be is what should happen now, bearing in mind that the OP is too sick to look after her stepson (and should not have been asked.)

So who would they expect to look after the child if you were working OP? Because that's who they should be asking now. Also remember this next time your DH is ill and SS is around. I'd be very tempted to leave him with both his DC then and bugger off somewhere for the day. If you are expected to look after his 2 DC when you are ill....well so can he.

Clearly you don't think of ss as one of your own, if he was biologically yours and poorly you would without question look after him. You're not obliged to care for him as your own it would just be nice if you did. Having said that looking after a poorly child when poorly is the absolute worst so I feel for you. I think dad should take some time off and I think that if it was toddler or ss. But if it's not technically his day to see some then mum should.

But it appears to be the mum's contact day, so shouldn't she take the day off rather than expect her ex to?

Because he isn’t her own. He’s got two parents that are responsible for looking after him, neither of which are OP.

YADNBU
I hope you feel better soon

They walk amongst us. :-)

ss had two parents they sort it out.
why would you

You have every right to say no.

If I wasn't too ill I would have said yes but ask the Mum to do a packed lunch with plenty of drinks so I didn't have to make any food.

If you didn't want to though then that's fine.

Clearly you don't think of ss as one of your own, if he was biologically yours and poorly you would without question look after him

This argument gets trotted out so many times without ever a hint of irony it's laughable. Why are SM's held to a much higher standard than the biological ones?

Well of course she doesn’t.

Because he isn’t.

You are making yourself sound rather stupid.

So she's supposed to look after him without question whilst simultaneously saying the DH should take time off. So not without question then?

I'd say he could come round to be honest so you're there in an emergency but he has to come with all his food (eg packed lunch, pot noodle) and drinks and medications and you will be in bed. I'm not sure a 12 year old needs much looking after?

It’s probably a moot point at this stage as either the op did give in or she didn’t.

However, if a 12 year old doesn’t need much care then what would be the issue just letting him stay home with his pot noodles and germs? As pp have said, either he is self sufficient or he’s poorly enough to need parental care. Either way that extracts the op from the situation.

Clearly he isn't, and why should she think of him as anything but her SS? He has a mum and dad who needs to sort it out between them.

You are unwell and already have your own child to look after, your SS has his own mother who he lives with and today is his day with her, she can look after her own child on her day like every other parent.
She will have to take the day off or find another solution, this is her responsibility.
YANBU.

@beanii

oh bore off.
op doesn’t have to do for step child what she would do for her own child. Cos get what?! He isn’t her child!!

I voted YANBU - but a 12 year old could be useful and make you cups of tea/wash up & stuff.

@Littlemisslaughalot

he isn’t one of her own though is he! Did you miss that bit?!

I'd have said yes to a secondary aged child personally. Old enough to look after themselves and manage any vomiting, and could ordinarily stay home alone. They would just need a bit of supervision and company because they feel unwell. You never know when you might need a favour. Up to you though of course.

@ThinWomansBrain

if he’s well enough for that, he’s well enough to go into school

also I wouldn’t really want someone handling cutlery etc that had a bug/virus